Anxiety and Stress

It's been so long. I lost the drive to post; I don't know why. Things are getting shaky here. Percy is going to Japan for 5 months; we aren't sure if he'll return. We aren't sure of a lot of things, like, will we be able to stay here? will we have to move? where will we move? can we find an apartment to move to in time? if we stay, will we have to pay extra for Percy's room? who will we pay rent to if Percy isn't coming back? how will we pay the electricity and water?

In all honesty, we're starting to regret the decision to move here. Josh isn't feeling fulfilled, I'm not doing anything useful, and we're both sorely homesick. We're looking into language classes for me, but even after I've completed it, the only good things coming from this experience are my having learned a little German and Josh gets to put another word on his resumee: Fulbright. And it's one we are not happy with. They've made this as difficult for us as they can, they don't help us at all, and they didn't accurately prepare us for what we are experiencing. Right now the cons are outweighing the pros and we're both feeling the weight of it now.

Is that one word worth it? It'd better be, because we can't go home; no one would hire either of us for only six months and we don't have a place to live. Once we know where Josh is going to graduate school, we'll be fine, but we don't know that now, all we know is California or New England, so it's not like we could find a place to live near the school.

All of this is compounding my homesickness. It's even making Josh really homesick. I just wish there would be an obvious answer floating in the air or something, "Go back to the states" or "Stay in Germany, it'll be worth it." Unfortunately God is usually more cryptic than He is obvious. Hopefully He'll make it obvious; that's what I asked for, anyway. I suppose we'll see.

Tschüss, bis zum nächsten Mal.