I Have To Tell the World

Last Tuesday, I woke up at 5 am to work on the final details of my research paper due in English the following day. I went to work at 8:30 am and didn't get home until about 8:30 or 9. I immediately went to work to finish the paper, finished by 11:30, then I went to work on my portfolio that was worth 400 points, half of my grade in English. I finished my portfolio at about 6:45 am, then I got dressed and ate so that I could leave the house on time. I took a nap at 3 o'clock that afternoon after having stayed awake for 34 hours; my first all nighter.

It payed off, too. I e-mailed my teacher to ask how we were going to know our grades for the class. Here's the response I recieved: "“A” on the wonderful portfolio and an “A” for the class (only because I’m very sure they don’t let me give any higher!) :)

Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Love,
Donna"
That means that I got the highest grade possible!!! I just opened it and was crying because I was so happy! I can't believe it!

Freedom

I'M DONE WITH MY FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE!!! I have yet to find out my final grades, but I'll post them on here when I find out. I'm just so happy to be done!

Tschüss!

Current emotion: *runs around room screaming and ripping hair from head by the handfull*

I am so emotional right now.
I am stressed.
I am confused.
I am hurting.
I am ashamed.
I am exhausted.
I'm thinking way more than I'm supposed to be.
I want things to happen and am not patient.
I know what I want to do with my life, but I don't know what to do with the present.
I just want to sit here and cry.
I want relief.

The Conclusion Is...

Upon reading past blogs I have come to this conclusion:

I suck as a human being.

Yeah, you heard me. I suck as a human being. 'Nuff said.

Interesting Idea

I recieved this in an e-mail today. A kid in Arizona wrote it, according to the e-mail. Speaking of Arizona, I miss my girls.

Now I sit me down in school

Where praying is against the rule

For this great nation under God

Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.

And anytime my head I bow

Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,

That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall

Might offend someone with no faith at all.

In silence alone we must meditate,

God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.

They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,

And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.

It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,

We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,

Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.

But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,

No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,

When chaos reigns the school's a mess.

So, Lord, this silent plea I make:

Should I be shot; My soul please take!

Amen

An interesting idea, I thought. He brings up an interesting point: Everything is allowed except Christianity. If you're Buddhist, that's fine. If you don't believe in a god and want to dress in black and put doom on the world, that's ok. But if you mention the name of God, you have spoken blashphemy and doom on you because you may have offended someone. They do not care if the Christians get offended by things that other people do, but we can't offend any of them. I'm not saying that we should offend anyone, I'm just pointing out the restrictions that the world puts on Christians. What do you think?

"Updayte"

It always cracks me up when people can't spell. This morning, my math teacher was teaching us the Pythagorean Theorem and he was saying that a and b can be switched around, but not c because c is always the "hypotheneuse." I feel sorry for all the students in that class that will recieve spelling errors on their math homework. I find spelling so easy, it's difficult for me to understand how people can't spell.

My birthday was fun; the scavenger hunt went well - my team won with 599 points, thank you, Josh. I had a pretty good thanksgiving. I spent the first half of the day with my boyfriend and his family, then he and I drove up to Oklahoma where my family was. We spent the night there and headed back Friday afternoon. Friday morning my family took Josh to see the Holy City and to tromp around on Mount Scott. He had a blast tromping around and getting to meet my family.

On the way home (I was driving) I was becoming increasingly sensitive to light - a car's headlights would cause intense pain in my eyes. Before long, they just hurt because they could, they didn't have to be hit with light first. It hurt so bad that I was almost in tears. The only thing that hurt worse was when the lymph node in my neck swelled up so big that I couldn't move my head, but that's another story. My eye was as red as a crayon and was very swollen. I was so sensitive to light the next morning that I got a headache just from walking around the house even though the blinds were closed. I went to work anyway, but they sent me home after 15 minutes. Thank God for Elizabeth - she covered my shifts. Josh took me to an urgent care facility and after having some tests done, some quite embarrassing, the doctor discovered that I had two ulcers on my right eye. He said they'd be gone by Monday, and he gave me some antibiotic drops and some pain medicine.

The pain medicine made me very dizzy, so I've stopped taking it. My vision was cloudy yesterday, but it's mostly cleared up now. As soon as my vision is clear again, I'm going to put in my contact and see how it looks (no pun intended). My eye still hurts every so often or when I poke it, but other than that it's fine. I can't wait to have my eye normal again.

Finals are coming up soon - I'm getting nervous about them. I have a semi-huge (that sounds odd) assignment due on Wednesday that I have to get done tonight because I work from 9 to 8 tomorrow, so I'm stressing about that. I figured I'd relax a little before I stress out too badly. I'll talk to you all later. Sorry I haven't updated sooner. Tschüss.

Tomorrow

MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW!!! I'll be 19, my last teenage birthday. I'm so pumped about it! Josh is coming home for the weekend - I can't wait to see him! Gotta go - got a lot of stuff to do before tonight. Tschüss.

Breakdown

I am this close *holds up thumb and forefinger* to having an emotional breakdown. My emotions ran haywire tonight after Bible study. I was a mixture of all sorts of bad feelings, anger, sadness, pining, things of that nature. All I wanted to do was drive very fast for a long time, blaring rock music as loud as I could stand it. I was in a good mood when I arrived at Bible study, but my mood was changed somehow. I think it's partly because my friend is going through some similar problems to what I've been going through recently and I wish that upon no one - I'm worried about her. I talked about those things that were stressing me in prayer group and that brought my mood down. I don't have anyone to turn to - I don't have a girl friend. When it was suggested to me two weeks ago that I should spend more time with the Lord, my thought was, "That never works." Josh isn't here in Flower Mound where I can get a hug and a loving arm around me as I cry on his shoulder. Basically, I have no one to turn to, and that's been getting to me. Other things with school, family, living conditions, and so forth have been bothering me. Lately, the stresses of getting my party ready, getting my room clean, getting my homework done, studying for tests that I have to take after my big weekend, and moving into the house that I'm house-sitting have been stressing me out, mainly because they have to be done before the week's close. I want to be able to relax this weekend and take time for me. I know it won't happen. I've also been worrying about getting Josh's blanket and pillowcase done on top of making sure my homework gets done. I'm also thinking about Christmas presents for my friends - that will take money that I don't have, but I can't not give them something. Anne mentioned something tonight that I hadn't thought of...I could transfer to UT when I can afford it - but if all goes according to plan, that wouldn't be feasible...or would it? I'm tired and have homework. Why is it that I have to be the most unattractive human being I know? *puke*

6 Days

Only six more days until my 19th birthday!!! I'm so excited! It's my last teenage birthday, so I'm making it special. I'm having a (relatively) huge party and we're going to have a scavenger hunt and watch movies and have cake and icecream and all sorts of fun things like that. It's going to be a blast! Josh and I are going to Glamour Shots on the 20th to get pictures taken together for both our 18-month dating anniversary and my birthday. That's going to be equally as enjoyable. I'm so pumped about this weekend!

I'm really cooking with gas on Josh's blanket (not literally). It's really coming along. I can't wait to see it when it's finished!

I have speech to study for, so I've got to run. Just thought I'd write while it was on my mind. Tschüss!

Read At Your Own Risk

Were they made to burst my bubbles or do I just set the bar for myself too high?

Why do I even try? There seems to be no point.

I only want simple things, so why do they have to be so complicated?

Life is full of surprises - I never thought my parents were one of them.

The things I want I cannot have. The things I have I cannot want.

UT, I love you. You will never be a part of my life. For that, I mourn deeply.

My heart is shattered. They're supposed to support me and encourage me and all they do is bring me down.

Why is it that the source of all my problems is either money or the people I was born to?

I wish I could start over, hit the reboot button.

I have the one who is more than I could ever ask for - you're all I have to live for.

I am being forced to go to school.

I'm being forced to give up.

I'm being forced to hate.

I'm being forced to give up my dreams. I will never give up my ultimate dream - they will not take it away, no matter how hard they try. I will not give it to them. They can take away the rest of my life, but they cannot take my dream from me.

I am cold.

I am alone.

I need peace.

I need help.

For now, I cry myself to sleep, helpless and alone.

"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

A quote that I've heard before but was used tonight at Bible study. I've always liked that quote.

I'm having issues - trust issues, knowledge issues, it's really a mix between a lot of issues. I'm going to go see a friend about it on Thursday.

Josh's blanket is coming along nicely - after having tried twice before. *shrug* Third time's a charm, right?

I'm getting a pretty good return on my guest list. I haven't yet created the scavenger hunt, but that will come in time. I can't wait for my birthday this year. I don't know why, but I'm really excited about it, moreso than I was last year and last year was a "huge turning point."

Lucas is a really cool guy. He's a good friend and an honest, God-fearing man. I've really enjoyed getting to know him over this school semester.

Jamie missed school today. I hope she gets better soon. I don't have the heart to tell her that she missed the quiz.

Being sick isn't healthy.

I frequent the act of striving to achieve something and then talking myself out of it, blaming it on parents, friends, family, anything I really can and then regretting it later. This time I'm not going to give up on myself. I'm going to strive for what I want with all my might and if I don't get it, at least I know I tried.

I found out that only one of my class's credits won't transfer. That's good news. Maybe my English grade will cover up for Biology.

Instead of only working next semester I may be taking one class. I don't think I could stand not being taught by Mrs. Souder. She's the most amazing teacher. She has influenced me and inspired me in ways that she will never know. I owe her my deepest gratitude. Even though you will never read this, props to you, Mrs. Souder. You have inspired me, encouraged me, and showed me how to make my works my own. I thank you from the deepest regions of my heart.

She Told Me So

Well, Chris; I'm finally getting around to your request. Enjoy!

5 things I plan to do before I die:
1) Travel to Austria
2) Travel to Germany
3) Be fluent in German and teach it to my kids
4) Get married to the love of my life
5) Have children

5 things I can do:
1) Crochet
2) Make the stupidest puns you've ever heard
3) Sing
4) Kiss (so I've been told)
5) Write

5 things I cannot do:
1) Biology
2) What I want
3) Test well
4) Sleep
5) Be cool

5 things that attract me to members of the opposite sex:
1) Eyes
2) Facial hair
3) Long hair
4) Uniqueness
5) Confidence without arrogance

5 things I say most often:
1) Umm...yeah
2) Really now?
3) Do you now?
4) I'm such a dork
5) I love you

5 celebrity crushes (I don't really have any, but I'll tell you people who I find attractive):
1) Viggo Mortensen
2) Johnny Depp
3) Gerard Butler
4) Patrick Wilson
5) Gregory Smith

5 people I want to do this:
1) Josh G.
2) Seanathan
3) John H.
4) Lori
5) Brandon/Jenny

100 Years

I'm 15 for a moment

Caught inbetween 10 and 20

and I'm just dreaming

counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment

She feels better than ever

and we're on fire

Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment

I'm still the man, but you see I'm a they

A kid on the way

A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment

The sea is high

and I'm heading into a crisis

Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to lose yourself

Within a morning star

15 I'm alright with you

15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by

Suddenly you're wise

Another blink of an eye

67 is gone

The sun is getting high

We're moving on

I'm 99 for a moment

Dying for just another moment

and I'm just dreaming

Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you

22 I feel her too

33 you're on your way

Everyday's a new day

15 there's still time for you

Time to buy and time to choose

Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

- Five for Fighting

Overwhelmed

I'm becoming overwhelmed. I don't think this persuasive speech could get any more difficult. I want to give up. I don't have time to work on prospective school things. I am sick of living in a filthy house that I don't have time to clean. I'm sick of living with one brother who doesn't know how to obey because he hasn't been taught to do so and another brother who either abuses or ignores the first. I'm sick of being sick. I'm sick and I don't have time to stop and heal. I don't have the money for school. I don't have the academic necessities for school. I don't have a well paying job so that I can go to the school of choice. I can't tell people where I want to go because they'll think I'm only going for one reason. I find myself taking my frustrations out on the one I love, the one who can give me most comfort. I'm tired of being a grownup. I'm tired of being a mom.

I just want to be the normal 18-year old; I want my parents to pay for school, I want to be able to go wherever I want for school, I want my parents to be supportive of my choice in schools (I haven't told them yet, but I know they won't like it), I want to be a sister to my brothers instead of their mother, I want to have an actual relationship with my dad - not just know who he is. I want to be a great writer. I want to be fluent in German. I want to go to Austria and Germany some day. I want to marry the love of my life. I want to teach my kids German before they learn their English. I want to have happy holidays this year with no repeats of last year. I want time to think. I want to be the typical stupid 18-year-old who turns out to be a great person. I'm used to not getting what I want. Why does it have to be this way? What am I supposed to learn from all this???

I have to go eat lunch and wipe the tearstains off my cheeks before work. Bis später.

Thinking

I've been thinking a lot recently and the more I consider it, the more I want to forgo the vet tech thing and go to school for the German degree. I could always work in a veterinary clinic if I had that desire, or I could even take a distance learning course while I'm going to a different school.

The school I want to go to is expensive for me though. Technically any school is expensive for me, but this one moreso than the other school I had in mind. The school I want to go to will cost $9,438 for a single semester, costing $18,876 per year for on-campus Texas residents. If I choose to go this route, I'll need to do nothing but work next semester and all through summer and I might have enough money for the first semester. The price I listed accounts for tution, books, transportation, room and board, personal expenses, and any general fees that are applicable. I really want to go to this school (I won't name it for fear of judgement and I really don't feel like explaining myself right now), I think it would be good for me and my career choice will work for future plans. I can see my parents being opposed to it, perhaps very passionately opposed to it, so I need to work out all the details so that when I present the idea to them I can effectively argue my case. Although I'm considering giving them a little information at a time, that way they don't accuse me of bringing it up suddenly when I've been contemplating for months. I'm not really sure what to do.

On a lighter note, I made a 21 on my biology quiz. I don't know if that's good or not, but I'm assuming it is because the teacher wrote "good" beside the 21 and three of my biology peers (one of which is VERY good at biology) made nothing higher than a 3 on the same test. There was also a home portion of the quiz and I made a perfect score on that. All I need to do is keep making high marks and maybe I can pull my D up to a C. I guess it doesn't matter if I do or not - I have to have 24 credit hours to be able to transfer to the school I want and I'll only have 13. Ah well. I can still try; my goal is to make nothing short of a B+ anyway. *shrugs* Whatever.

I had a great weekend with Josh and am exhausted from the trip. I was falling asleep in English class, so I think I'm going to go take a nap before Bible study. Talk to you all later. Feedback on the first paragraph would be more than welcome. Tschüss.

Happy News

I just realized that I seem to blog more often when things are not going well. I wonder why that is. Although said bad things are still on my mind, I am not letting it sour my attitude. I'm actually happy right now, so here I am, for the record, blogging while happy. Everyone got your calendars out?

I was asked today at work how I was today. My answer was simple and the most prominent thing on my mind. My reply? "I am giddy beyond all comprehension." This is still the case. I am going out of town tomorrow to visit my beloved Joshua and spend some time with him. I can't wait to drive down and see him!

I am also having a delightful time with my friend's birthday present. I'm having more fun torturing her with it that the present itself, but that's to be expected. >:D

I have a paper to miraculously make larger with some content that is unknown to me, take a shower, eat dinner and all that fun stuff. I wish you all the merriest of weekends and the best of times. For now, I bid you tschüss. Bis später!

Debating

I know I need to find a job that pays more, but I've actually caught myself thinking about what would happen if I changed my plan for college. My previous plan was to do basics at NCTC and transfer to Cedar Valley College and take the two-year course to get my vet tech degree. Biology is becoming increasingly more difficult and I know that's one of the major things I'll need to know and be good at for vet school. Afterall, to be in the veterinary field you have to be just as good with academics as you are with animals.

The plan that's floating around in my head now is to finish the year at NCTC and find a university to go to that has German language courses and go there to major in German and minor in English. I really love writing and seeing what people think of my work, and I love languages even though I haven't been formally taught any. My thoughts were that if I went this route, I could be a German teacher in a highschool (my other seriously thought out career path - a highschool teacher) and still be able to easily quit to have kids (not in the middle of the year, of course, but I'd be able to quit rather easily) and provide the "house money" so that my husband and I can move in before the first child is born. I'm fascinated by the German language; I've been known to say that German is the superior language, that no one should speak English (or any other language) anymore. I've always loved the German language and what little I know of the culture. There's a lot that I don't know, but what little I do know, I am really interested in. I really want to know more.

I know it's a drastic change and I'm not really sure that's what I want to do, but I'm really not sure if I can handle the work load to be a vet tech. Looking over the course schedule I find that there are never, in the entire two year course, less than 13 hours in the fall and spring semesters. I'm having a hard time working and taking 13 hours - I'm sure I'd be doing better in biology if I had more time to study and learn. Here's their course schedule: Summer semester 1: 7 hours. Fall semester 1: 14 hours. Spring semester 1: 15 hours. Summer semester 2: 6 hours. Fall semester 2: 16 hours. Spring semester 2: 15 hours. I can't do that and work at the same time and if I don't go to school for even a single semester just to work, that'll change my future plans drastically and I don't want to do that.

This change, whether for or against, is going to change my plans for the next five years at least. There are things that I'm waiting for that I don't want to put off any longer, and these things won't work well if I mix them together. I haven't even mentioned this to my parents yet, whom I'm sure would freak out upon hearing such a seemingly bizzare idea. Of course they'd bring up the whole money issue, but there's a money issue for me going to Cedar Valley, too. I'd need an apartment and books; tuition alone is going to be 10,000 per year! I know that's not a lot for college, but it's a lot for me, a girl who has no choice but to pay for her own tuition.

Should I change or should I stick to the original plan? I don't know what to do - the stress from everything is crushing my brain.

I am frustrated and I am helpless. I have a paper to write.

Why?

Why is it that family has to be so frustrating and difficult? Why aren't there more hours in the day? Why do my parents have to have massive financial crises my entire life? Why do I have to be my brothers' mother? Why do I get yelled at for things that I don't have time for? Why do we have to have Oreo? Why don't I have someone I can cry to at any time? Why do I have to be such a big person at such a young age? Why can't I get paid more? Why can't things be easier?

I get sick and tired of coming home to a filth-hole that even pigs would be to good for. I get tired of the mess. I get tired of the junk. I get tired of being tired. I try and get my brothers to clean up the house a little bit and they do nothing. I try to talk to my parents about it and all they do is yell at me. I try, I really do try and help out around here. It gets so hard when all my extra time is spent on homework.

I do my homework every night, hoping that I can get through it and then it'll be done and maybe I'll have some extra time. No. I never have extra time. I try to make good grades in school, hoping that maybe for once my parents will be proud of me. My hopes are dashed. You'd think they'd understand my point of view; they come home to the same filth-hole and they don't like it any better than I do but they don't ask the boys to clean, they don't try and clean it up, they sit and watch tv because they're tired from work. Ok, I can understand that to an extent, but when the boys aren't ever cleaning, when the house is always dirty, you'd think they'd try and do something about it instead of yelling at us for not doing anything. I'm tempted to stay home from classes tomorrow and do nothing but clean the house - I don't have any tests tomorrow.

Here's my dilemma: If I clean the house, I make bad grades from lack of studying. If I make good grades, the house stays dirty. No matter which one I do, my parents have some reason to gripe, and they don't hesitate to do so. I don't mean to rag on my parents so much, they try to be good parents.

At work, we have a section of runs and cages which are rented from us by Highland Village Animal Control. The only dog in there right now has stolen my heart. My co-worker and I have named him Romeo since he's the sweetest dog - he's such a lover. I asked my parents (a.k.a. mom) if we could think about adopting him. She refused to have a third dog (which is understandable considering our living arrangements) and said that if we were to have him, we'd have to put down one of our other dogs first. Unfortunately the one we'd pick would be the healthiest one - the one we love will probably die on his own within a year anyways. This sounds cruel - it's not the way it sounds. I'm going to shut up now.

My life is a tightrope walk, but what happens if I fall off?

Grade Update

I got a D on my biology lab practicum, I made a 104 (out of 100 - he he bonus questions rock) on my first algebra test, I made a 4 out of 9 on my speech test and my speech today sucked so bad. Why do I have to have so much catching up to do? God, what's the point? I must be behind for a reason, but I can't even begin to think of what it might be.

Pray for me - I'm tired, I'm sick and aside from all that, I'm finding myself being hostile to others, oftentimes for no good reason. I apologized to someone today for it, but I'm being hostile to them for odd reasons. To hear my reasons you'd think me a pagan, but I can't help what bothers me and what doesn't, I can only control my reactions to it, which I haven't been doing properly.

I have to go meet a friend from school - I promised him I'd be there. Talk to you all later. Tschüss.

SO EXCITED!!!!!!!

KELLEY MADE HOMECOMING QUEEN!!!!!! *dances around room* I couldn't believe it; I was crying I was so excited! She came and spent the night with Chris, Ang, and I at Chris's house. We watched Hitch while going to bed and we talked about boys and stuff like that; you know, girl stuff. We won the football game, one of my long-time friends is head drum major, the same friend is also crowned Homecoming Queen, I spent the night with the three people I have known for 13 years and had a blast doing it...last night was a wonderful night!

Oh, and did you know that Sonny Bryan's makes a great breakfast? *inhales deeply, then exhales* Ah, there's nothing like the smell of meat tater in the morning.

Maybe So

I think I might be able to do this school thing after all! Yeah, it's hard and very different than what I'm used to, but I think I might be able to squeeze through. Here are my grades so far:

Speech: Quiz 1: A+, Quiz 2: A+, Speech to Inform: A.
Biology: Test 1: 12.7 out of 15 questions, got 8 wrong.
Pre-Algebra: Test 1: 84 (possibly a 92, pending teacher's grading on a make-up type assignment)
Biology Lab: Quiz 1: 7 out of 10 questions with one bonus question (i didn't answer), got three wrong; Quiz 2: 7 out of 7 questions with two bonus questions (one answered wrong and the other not answered at all), got two wrong.
English (Grammar and Composition): Preleminary Research Paper: A+.

Ok, so I'm not doing so hot in biology. It's hard and I'm really struggling with it. There are so many little things that I'm supposed to know, so many things that I'm about 99% sure I won't have to know later on in life. I'm trying and that's what matters, right? Heh. I'm proud of my accomplishments.

I know what I'm going to do my demonstration speech on...crocheting. Yeah, you heard me. Crocheting. It's something that I'm good at, something that I like to do, and also school friendly. Ooh! Maybe I can make a cup holder for everyone...that would be awesome!

Rollercoaster

Lately my thoughts and feelings have been a rollercoaster more intense than the Titan and Texas Giant put together. This weekend my beloved boyfriend, Josh, came into town for his dad's birthday and to hear me sing in big church. Friday night we went on a picnic at Grapevine Lake, Saturday, we hung out at his house, ate steak that his mom made for lunch, we went and saw the 40-Year-Old Virgin, ate dinner at Chili's, watched From Hell at his house, then he took me home. Sunday, I sang in big church in the morning, went with Josh and his family, immediate and some extended, to BJ's for lunch, then back to Josh's for dessert (presents were after I left, I assume).

I was on a high when I was with him, I was depressed when he left. Singing in church cheered me up, my lonely thoughts at home put me back down again.

I woke Monday morning in the worst mood imaginable. I woke up and felt so empty. The lonliness consumed my soul. I wanted to drive. I wanted to drive far, far away. I wanted to just pack 3-4 days worth of clothes and head out. I would have, if I had the gas money.

I started crying. I tried not to cry and managed to get myself to stop...then in the shower I couldn't control it. I sobbed for a good 10 minutes. I remember thinking to myself that I couldn't tell if the wetness on my face was from tears or water. I stopped before I got out, but when I walked into my room, the tears came again. I frantically thought of who I could call that would be up at 6:30 in the morning. I tried Josh, he was asleep. I knew Chris would be asleep, didn't want to wake her. Lara's cell phone wasn't working, so I didn't even try. I wanted to try some random person from church and thought of two people: Lisa and Amanda. I didn't think Amanda would appreciate an early phonecall from someone she barely knew the name of, so I text messaged Lisa. I found out that night that she wasn't exactly the happiest person that day either. "That's the last time I ask someone for help like this" I thought to myself.

I put in my new Killers cd and cranked it up loud on the way to school, wishing I was on my way out of town rather than to school. I calmed myself down walking into school. I gave my speech in speech class - I think I did well, I'll get my grade back tomorrow. I sat through biology and math, went home, did homework and ate lunch in a good mood. I went to english class at two, went home and finished mandatory reading for the quiz we're going to take on Wednesday in english. I finished my homework with time to spare, took the boys to church, and on my way to the Farney's, my bad mood started seeping back into my brain. The "study" that we did only frustrated me more, for reasons I won't go into now. I fumed to my beloved on my way home, bless his poor little heart.

I wish there was a fast-forward button, as if I'm a pre-recorded video tape. I can hit the fast-forward button and speed into the future, having gone through my "previous" experiences, I just didn't see them happpen.

When I listen to Mr. Brightside by the Killers, I get this knot feeling in my gut, I start feeling depressed, like there's no hope, like I have no choice but to sit and watch everything happen, everything's out of my control... This is the exact feeling I got on Monday morning and it's the feeling I get if I let my mind wander too far.

I suppose I'd better go. I've gotten myself into a funky mood and I need to sleep. I'll talk to you all later. Thanks for the comments. And Josh, you're so sweet!!!

Praise Him all you shining stars,
Praise the Lord in all the Earth.
Every creature near and far,
Praise the Lord!
Stormy winds and clouds of white,
Valleys clothed in splendor,
Burning sun and moonlit night,
Praise the Lord!

Heaven and all the universe
Proclaim Your power and Your worth.
Hallelujah!
Your love goes on forever!
God of life and Lord of love,
Who was and is and is to come,
Hallelujah!
Your love goes on forever!

All you creatures of the sea,
Children of the Savior,
Yearning hearts and oceans deep,
Praise the Lord!
For the mercy in His hands,
For the healing in His scars,
For the grace in His commands,
Praise the Lord!

For all You've done and Your infinite love
We lift our hearts to worship
For Your sweet grace we lift Your name
So let Your praise go on and on forever more
For the mercy in His hands,
For the healing in His scars,
For the grace in His commands,
Praise the Lord!

Thanks, Sonic Flood.

Delivering a speech Wednesday - that'll be nervewracking.

Life in General

School has been going well. I still don't have topics for speech and english, but I'm working on that as fast as possible. I may do rabies for english, but I'm not sure yet. I wanted to do something more graphic, just because I like to gross people out (and it's easy to do in my "profession") but I can't think of any.

I miss Josh, but I'm planning on visiting him the weekend after next. Boy, do I miss him.

My family and I went to Oklahoma this weekend. We were going to go visit our unofficial sister church in Mississippi, but our hosts are helping at the local hospital and wouldn't know how often they'd be around (Katrina victims). So we went to visit Grandma instead. I had fun, at least as much as one can in rural Oklahoma. We went and tromped around on Mount Scott - that's always my high point of the trip.

Sorry this is so short. I have topics to pick, a speech outline to start, some brainstorming thing I have to do for english, a.k.a. homework. I have no friends (that want to do something with me anyways). I have no life. And I'm tired. Ich bin muede. Tschüss.

School

From the first half of my first day of "real school" ever, I can already tell this: speech is going to kick my butt and I'm going to have problems with my math teacher.

Speech is going to be so hard, even though I have a cool teacher, because 1) I'm not a good public speaker, 2) I'm not very good at acting natural when I'm nervous as all get-out, 3) I'm not very good at thinking on my feet. Mr. Maguire is cool, he seems like a really nice guy. He's fairly strict and he's fair about it. This class is going to be hard for me. Heh. And I thought I put the easier class first.

Also I made a horrible first impression with Mr. Maguire - I was late this morning. I had planned on leaving the house 30 minutes before my first class - speech - so that I could find where all my classes were and be early and make a good impression. I left my house about 10 minutes late (no big deal - school's 5 minutes away and I'm fairly good with finding my way around buildings) and I was thinking I'd be fine. Then I came upon the traffic. I hit the traffic at 7:47 (I was expecting to be at school 5 minutes from then) and didn't make it to school until 8:05, 5 minutes after I was supposed to be in class. I had called my Mom while waiting in traffic to see if she could find out where my classes were supposed to be. Luckily, she knew. I wrote them down on my hand so I wouldn't forget them - I was in the car and couldn't grab the paper out of my backpack. So that's how my first day of school started.

After speech, I went 5 doors down to my biology class. Mrs. Decker is my teacher and from what other students (and her syllabus) were saying, she's a difficult teacher. On the exams, we cover at least 7 chapters each. This class should prove to be interesting.

What I can't wait for is biology lab. We'll get to disect all sorts of different things: a frog, a brain, a liver, and other fun nasty stuff like that. I think I'll like my lab class because I learn better by doing - plus it sticks in my head longer that way. My teacher seems ok, for the few minutes I saw her.

I went to the lab class because Mrs. Decker made it sound like we were all supposed to go today even though our lab was on a different day (mine's on Wednesday). I get in there and find out that I didn't need to be there - that was embarrassing. It's all good though. I wasn't too embarrassed.

I have english class at 2. I decided to go home for lunch since I didn't have any homework or anything like that to keep me occupied for 3 hours.

Oh, I ran into Heather Smith and Kayti Edwards today. I talked with Heather a little bit and I only said hi to Kayti in passing (she said hi first - I didn't recognize her). It was really great to see people I knew. I was starting to feel lonely and then Heather came up to me.

Well, I'd better go now. I'll update more later, tell you how my english class went. Tschüss!

New Car

So I have a new car now, thanks to my beloved boyfriend. I now own his old car (he got a new one obviously), a 1997 Chrysler Concord. It's a beautiful car, lots of fun to drive, although the only place I've driven it is from his house to mine - the very first time to drive it. It's such a nice car, very well taken care of and such good things like that. So yeah, that's my big news. Bonus - since I'm paying for it, it's MY car. Not the family's, not the "kid's," it's MINE. The only reason my parent's names are on the insurance card is because they have the insurance.

I'm starting to become financially independant now. I'm paying for my own cell phone bill, I'm making car payments, I'm paying for insurance (at least the difference of what my parents were paying and what they're paying now), I'm buying my own gas, I'm buying my own clothes and supplies like shampoo and deodorant, I'm paying for whenever I go out to eat, I'm saving money, AND I've payed for almost all of my tuition for the fall semester at school (I could have payed all of it by myself but my parents were able to help me out a little). Being financially independant and making it work is tough. It's a good experience and I'm learning from it. It's hard yet rewarding, as most things in life are.

*sigh* I have to work in the morning, so I'd better let you go. Just wanted to tell you all my exciting news about my new-to-me car!!! YAY!!! He he he.

Tschüss!

p.s.
someday I hope to speak fluent German. just wish I had a teacher...

Mini Update

We got the phone working, so that's good. I really like it - I think it's a good buy. As always there are things I don't like, but they're minor and nothing to complain about.

Today after work I'm going to Josh's parent's house and riding with them to Austin to see Josh and his presentation. I'm so excited to see what he's been working on all summer, but what I'm looking forward to most is seeing him. I can't wait to see him and give him a giant hug. You don't want to hear about it, so I won't tell you.

Water's boiling for my breakfast, so I'd better scoot. Talk to you all when I get back! Tschüss!

Happenings

I switched my cell service to Cingular yesterday and got a new phone to boot! It's a flip phone, has a camera, voice to text dialing and text messaging, and all sorts of fun stuff. It's black and shiny and feels like liquid in my hands. It's got such a cool feel to it!

The only problem is, I'm not getting any calls to it. It should have worked by now. We called Cingular and they tried to fix it, sent several test calls, and they said that cell phones can't quite connect yet because the process hasn't completely registered yet. They said wait for an hour or two and try it again and if it doesn't work, then we should call them back and they'll try something else. I'm sure the problem will be resolved soon enough. I have faith in them.

I've been working an awful lot lately. I'm not so engh about it as I thought I'd be. I thought I'd be more tired, whiny, complaining, grumpy, but I'm not. That's a good thing, too! I'm actually not minding going back to work. Tomorrow is my only kenneling day for the entire month (hooray!!!) and I work all day, which means I will most likely miss church. I can't go out after that because I have to work all day Monday too, so that stinks. I missed the last two Bible studies and now I'm missing church - these people will think I'm a pagan! Lol. Anyhoo, work has been going really well. I got rather frustrated with one of the doctors today, but otherwise all is well.

I bought some new clothes with the Target gift cards I got for graduation. I needed new jeans for school, so I thought, "Hey, we'll see what Target has!" It turns out, I really like these jeans and may go back for another pair! He he he. These jeans make me feel so good.

I'm counting the days until I travel with Josh's parents to go see him on Wednesday evening and his presentation on Thursday morning. I can't wait for the trip there, I'm sure I'll talk with his parents the entire way. I can't wait to get there, to see Josh again, to give him lots of hugs and kisses. I can't wait to go to the presentation, to see the project that Josh has built the past few months while interning. I can't wait to see Nana and Paw again - they're so kind and generous. I can't wait to ride home with Josh, talking to him and singing with him and laughing with (and at) him.

I have to go to dinner now. I'll talk to you all later. Thanks for the comments!!! Tschüss!

It's Funny

Something that's been on my mind lately, why is it that when you need your friends, mostly the ones that tell you they're always there for you, they aren't there? I seriously needed some companionship, someone to talk to Sunday night and no one was there. One wanted to play volleyball, one wanted to eat, the other just didn't care to hang around. I don't know why, but it always seems to be that way. Even though I was surrounded by people on Sunday, I was alone. I did manage to be cheered up by the last person I ever thought could do that; and all he did was talk to me about random stuff. It was an off and on conversation at that! Funny how life works, isn't it? So a question for all of you: What do you do if someone comes up to you with a tear-stained face and asks for a hug? What do you do after they tell you what's wrong?

The Weekend

Oh, this weekend was great! Friday night after work I went shopping for chips and cookies for Saturday's lunch and to kill time before Josh got home. I went and picked up some orange Lilies for him and took them to his house when he got home and surprised him with them. I hung out there for an hour or two, then I went home.

Saturday I picked Josh up, then went to Lara's house to pick up her and John. Then we went to McDonald's for breakfast and WalMart for a sandwich to pack. We got the sandwich and headed South to Hawaiian Falls. We got there just as it opened, claimed our spot and went on almost every ride. We ate lunch, swam in the "wave pool" (it didn't have many waves) and layed out to dry off. It was so hot we left at 1:30. I dropped Lara and John off at her apartment and Josh and I went back to his house. His Mom had gone to run errands and Austin and Lindsey weren't at home and Josh forgot his keys. We sat at the house in the truck for a while, then we went to CompUSA and ran into a friend of Josh's who worked there. We talked to him for a bit, he helped us look for laptop backpacks, then we left and went back to Josh's. His Mom was home, so we went upstairs and watched The Count of Monte Cristo, a fantastic movie. After the movie, we went to Chili's for dinner and had excellent steak, then we went back to his house so I could go home for the night.

Sunday I went to the 9 o'clock service with Josh, then met him at his house. We went to Mazatlan for lunch, then to Grapevine Mills to watch The March of the Penguins. After that we went back to his house so he could grab his stuff, then we said goodbye. His Mom was kicking him out of the house and I was trying to get him to stay - it was interesting. We went outside so his Mom was happy and we could take our time saying goodbye. We said goodbye and he left. I cried all the way from his house to the Farney's, where the end of summer pool party was going on, and still sat there for about 10 minutes crying. I told my friends what was wrong, but I guess none of them cared enough because they didn't hang out with me and give me the company I was longing for. So after showing my laptop to Chris, I decided to write how I was feeling in essay form. It helped me feel a little better and I managed to cheer myself up until I left. I had Josh's shirt with me all the time, except for when I was in the hot tub, and that helped too.

Work has been great. I'm not scheduled for kennels at all this month and that makes me overjoyed! Thank you God for solving my problem! Can you say, answer to prayer??? My schedule was made to fit around my school schedule, even though I don't start school until the 27th.

I'm excited about school starting. It'll be the first time I've ever done the whole school thing. I need to get supplies, but I'm not quite sure what to buy though. I have pens, a couple of notebooks and a calculator at home, but I'm not sure if that's all I'll need. I'll get my book list the first day of class, so I don't have to worry about that until then. I have to have the entire semester's payment to NCTC by the 16th, so that's a bit of a pressure, but I have more than half of it and my Mom thinks they'll be able to cover the rest of it. I sure hope so, or else I'll have to pull a loan. My Mom made it sound like that's what we were going to do anyway and when I mentioned it a few weeks ago, she was all shocked at the idea and was so against it it wasn't even funny. Anyhoo, I'm rambling. Cost of classes is pretty much taken care of - I think.

I'm going to Austin from the 17-19 to watch Josh's presentation for work. He's been working on a project all this time and he'll present his finished work on the 18th. I'm going down with his parents and driving back with him - the first time I've gone to Austin accompanied - it'll be great. I can't wait to see what he's been working on!

Well I'd better go. I've got lunch for the boys and I in the microwave and it just beeped. Oh, one more thing. I'm switching to Cingular so that I can have mobile-to-mobile with Josh because I'm talking to him more than I am anyone else and we don't have enough minutes with T-Mobile to cover it. I'll be paying for it, so that'll be an adventure. Yeah, so, just thought I'd let you know that...don't know why. Lol. Tschüss!

Long Awaited Update

My apologies for not getting to this sooner, I was having troubles with the internet connection to my laptop and truth be told, blogging was the last thing on my mind.

I took the Compass test (the same test as the THEA only on the computer) on the 29th. That was a great day. I took the Compass, did orientation, met with an advisor and registered for my classes all in three and a half hours. Heh. That was fun. I made a 38 on the math section (I needed a 39 to pass) so I have to take a developmental math class, but other than that, I passed the reading and writing sections with a 97 in each and got a 6 (a passing grade) on the first essay that I have ever written in my entire life! I was very proud of that essay, I wish I could have had a copy of it.

My laptop arrived Thursday sometime, I got it after I got home from work. After much complication, we finally have internet to the laptop through a wireless router and an external wireless card. It took a while, but I'm glad we finally got it done.

Saturday I got mauled by a cat at work. This cat flipped out the instant I touched her and she put up a nasty fight, but I won at last and now realize one of the main reasons why I prefer dogs over cats. She left multiple skin abrasions on my hands, arms and wrists, and a hefty slash in the muscle just under my thumb. Yesterday the gash started looking infected so I scrubbed it with Betadine and rinsed it off with hydrogen peroxide (I was at work) and it looks a little better. I'm not sure if it would better help get rid of the infection to leave the wound alone and let it scab over or to keep the wound open and clean. Anyhoo, the wounds are healing and I'll live, although I'll never look at this cat the same way again.

Josh is coming down this weekend and he, Lara, John (Lara's boyfriend) and I are going to Hawaiian Falls for a double-date. I'm so pumped about it - it's going to be so much fun!

I'm trying to think of anything else...oh! Work is going well. Dr. Roberts is back from Iraq and his first day back in the office was Monday. I was his VA yesterday. He had three appointments all day, and the first one was at 6:10pm. Heh. We sat around almost all day - everyone was slow. Dr. Hunsberger had only a few appointment, Dr. Strauch had a few appointments in the morning, then surgery, then he left. Dr. McCullough only worked from 9-1 and left an hour early because he didn't have anymore appointments. To make a long story boring, we weren't very busy yesterday, so things were easy.

Stephen, the new kennel guy, just happened to be scheduled by himself yestreday evening, and I was the one elected to help him finish. That, and someone had to stay because he didn't have a passcode for the alarm system yet. It wasn't that bad, I clocked out at 9:10 last night.

Well, I suppose I'll that's all I have to say. I'll talk to you all later!

Tschüss!

Mini Update

Good news! I got an e-mail Tuesday night that said my laptop had been shipped and that it would be here in two business days. It should be here sometime today. I'm so excited about it coming!

I'm thinking of taking another job. I'm going in for an interview today, although I don't think I'll take the job. It's weird. Whenever I'm at work (specifically kennels) I want to quit. Whenever I'm not at work, I want to stay. I don't know which side of me to believe. When I'm VAing, I'm fine. It's the kennels that get me. There's a whole long list of things that I'm not happy with. I actually made a pros and cons list and there are more cons than pros. I'm not sure what to do. I've prayed about it a little bit (I need to pray more) and I would appreciate it if you could send up a prayer if you think of me this week. I won't go into detail now, but if you think of me, it'd be nice.

A plus though, yesterday I got my scrub allowance (money my boss gives me in the form of a gift certificate so I can buy new scrubs at a particular store) and got new scrubs on my lunch break and I had lunch with my co-worker, Esther, who is in limbo, as I am, on staying or leaving the practice. I haven't had lunch with a co-worker since I started. It was nice. She brought something up over lunch...if we both left, there wouldn't be anyone experienced in kennels anymore. It's the two of us and two newbies. If we left, it would leave the enexperienced to do it and that would not be good. I need a break from all this. Maybe it'll calm down when I start school.

I'm so excited about next weekend. Josh is coming up here and him, Lara, John, and I are going to Hawaiian Falls and to go see Madagascar for a double-date. Lara's all squealy-excited about it and the rest of us are unbelievably excited. I can't wait...it's going to be so much fun!

Sarah's gotten into this kick where if he's out of his cage, he has to be in the same room with me. He'll scream until I'm in the room and if I don't come, he'll fly to where I am and sit there and be quiet. I don't have to interact with him, he just has to be with me. Sometimes I'll be in the same room and my Dad will have him or something and he'll do nothing but look like he's going to fly to me. Sometimes he'll call for me, but most of the time he just flies off of Dad's shoulder and comes to me. *shakes head* He's a weird bird.

I'm going to go clean my room a little before my interview. I'll let you know what I decide about the job later. Have a great day. Tschüss!

My Own Creation

Something I created when I had two hours to kill at work (we got done early):

YOU MIGHT BE A VET TECH
...if you start cleaning your own house with KennelSol.
...if you start taking Glycoflex (an arthritis medicine) because it really helped your old dog.
...if you can know how much and when to feed your animal to get it to lose weight but can't seem to stick to your own diet.
...if you can go to a dog park and name every breed, including the mixes.
And, you might be a vet tech if "hushpuppies" is no longer a fried food but an everday saying.

Hope this made you laugh! Tschüss!

Why???

Wanna know something stupid? Susan, my boss, had a new kennel person, on his very first day, cover for someone else for their shift. *shakes head* That's unheard of. I guess there's a first time for everything.

It was cool though. I walked into work this morning, not especially happy to be there, and as I'm walking past Susan's office to go to the kennels, she stops me and says, "This is Steven. He's on a working interview. Show him around back there, show him what you do and stuff." So basically, I got to train the new guy! He's one of only four males in the practice and the only male working in kennels. I'm pretty pumped about it. It'll be good to have another person in kennels. We need them. If any of you need a job, come apply to work in kennels. It's really not as bad as they all make it out to be! *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*

Wow. I was hungry. I just ate an entire can of tuna and want more food.

I've worked up my schedule for school. That's kind of cool. Gives me something to look forward to. Work's going to suck once I start school, but you win some, you lose some, I suppose.

I take the Compass on Friday. Don't know what to study for, so no studying will be done.

Josh and I are doing surprisingly well. I didn't think we'd manage to get closer to each other without actually seeing each other. Phone calls do a lot more than I thought. Visits mean more too. By that I mean actually physically being right next to him, holding his hand or looking at him. It's almost weird in a way that I couldn't even begin to describe to you.

Well, I guess I'd better go. It was nice talking to you all again! Tschüss!

Ack!!!

Got home from the Music Camp performance at church and there was a message on the answering machine for me...the Animal Hospital on Teasley Lane called wanting me to come in for an interview. Unless they pay $9/hr, I'm not taking it. It would be a whole lot closer, but I'm getting into a groove with Debra now that lines of communication have been opened (funny how things run better when people speak to each other...). Basically, things are going well, I'm starting to be accepted by everyone, I'm no longer (completely) the "new girl." Actually, I don't think I'll take the job if I can't VA. I really want to keep VAing. I like that.

The MC performance was awesome. It was so cute. William had a whole five words to say and still ended up making every person in the auditorium pay attention to him. He had confetti in a bucket and was supposed to throw it out on the ground. He started on one side of the stage and walked to the other, throwing out his confetti. He got to where the kids were sitting and looked at the ground off of the stage, looked at the kids, looked at the massive handful of confetti he held, then threw the entire contents of his hand onto the kids. He took a while to empty his bucket (of course he had to get every speck of it out) and the kids who had speaking parts after his confetti thing were getting confused about whether to go on - he wasn't done yet! It was funny, cute and embarrassing all at the same time.

Well, I have work in the morning, so I'm going to run. I'll talk to you all later. Tschüss!

Peace

Last night the extra stuff from my laptop order came (a laptop backpack, a travel mouse, and a security lock), so now I really can't wait to get my laptop!

I had the most awful day at work yesterday. If anything could have gone wrong, it did. We didn't have enough bowls for all the cats and dogs (well, we had enough, we just had to wash them before we gave them back to the animals), the ceiling was leaking from a/c condensation, we got locked out of the animal control part of the building, upon the starting of school we'll be shorthanded on kennel people which means more work when I'm supposed to do less on account of school, we just had one person quit and another is thinking of leaving, it's simple chaos. No one who works there thinks we get paid enough for what we do. Some of my co-workers are wondering that with the prices of our services so high, why is it that we don't get paid more or that the things we work with aren't the best quality? They say that the management is cheap but it doesn't come that way.

I agree to a certain extent. I don't know about all that stuff, so I can't really say one way or another, but it sure does feel like my co-workers are right. For instance, it wasn't explained to us that when we work holidays, on the paycheck stub the hours for that day are doubled - it doesn't appear as a standard price. Several of us thought that we didn't get paid correctly. I sat down this morning to try and figure it out. Luckily, I did. In that aspect, work is difficult. Otherwise, it's going as well as can be expected.

Last night at Bible study we talked about peace. We were in Galatians 5:22-25, Philippians 4 (I can't remember the verses) and Mark 4 (I think). The part in Mark we talked about was the event where Jesus and the disciples are going across the Sea of Galilee to the other side. All of a sudden a squall (a phenomenally torrential storm that usually did massive damage to the boat and people) came upon them. The disciples freaked out and went to Jesus, who was sleeping on a cushion the entire time, and said to His face, "Don't you care that we're going to drown?" He told them, "How little faith you have," (there had to be some dissappointment on Jesus' part) walked out onto deck and "rebuked the storm saying, 'Quiet down.'" Immediately this violent storm ceased. Even then the disciples asked who this man was.

The disciples (from their point of view) were staring death in the face while Jesus was sleeping. What was said was the disciples lacked faith that when Jesus said, "Let's go to the other side" that's what He meant. They truly didn't believe that they would make it through the storm to get to the other side. Granted, you tend to lose your mind when you're life is threatened, but if they truly believed Him, they could have had peace about the situation, they would have been able to not freak out.

What it ultimately boils down to is where your focus is. If your focus is on yourself, you'll start to worry about things more, you'll stress out about things that aren't necessarily worth stressing out over, your anxiety level goes up causing patience and love levels to decrease and your irritation levels to rise. But if your focus is on God and your trust is in Him, you'll start to see the fruit of the spirit in your life, love, joy, PEACE.

That's one thing I really need to work on, where my focus is. I've been noticing myself being that way, but I'm not really sure how to let go of it all. I'm a control freak by nature and fighting my instinct isn't easy. I guess giving Him the reigns, giving Him ultimate control, scares me. There are certain things that I want in my life and I want to do everything I can to make those things happen...but I can't. Not on my own. I don't know how to walk in stride with Him, not doing all the work walking in front of Him and not making Him do all the work walking behind Him. Sometimes the simplest things can be the most difficult.

Another thing we touched on was that fruit in Galatians 5 is not plural, it's singular. You cannot have only one fruit of the spirit and not have any others. They're a package deal. Look at them. It's impossible to have one without the other. Just something I learned. It's amazing what you hear when you're willing to listen. Something Meredith said, "God will always be faithful whenever we let Him be faithful." We have to let Him? How awful are we?

Well, house duties call. Laundry and bedroom and bathroom cleaning await me. I need to get them done, hopefully I can do most of it before I go to work this afternoon. I'll talk to you all later. Tschüss!

p.s.
i didn't know this until last night, but Chex cheers me up! (thanks, Jenny!)

Laptop

After the long process of finding the right one, I finally ordered my laptop Monday. It should get here sometime late next week. It's a really great laptop - at least I think so - even the computer geeks that I'm in constant contact with (my Dad and Josh) say it's a great machine. Here are the specs if you want to know about it:
- HP Pavilion zd8000 Customizable NB
- Microsoft Windows XP Home Edition with SP2
- Intel Pentium 4 640 w/HT Technology, 3.2GHz
- 17.0" WXGA+ Wide Viewing (1440x900)
- 512MB DDR2 SDRAM, 400MHz (2x256MB)
- 80 GB 5400 RPM Hard Drive
- DVD/CD-RW Combo Drive
- 128MB ATI Mobility Radeon X600
- Integrated 56K Modem + 10/100 Ethernet LAN
- 12 Cell Lithium Ion Battery
- Microsoft Works/Money
I can't wait for it to get here. Can't wait to see it!

Friday, July 29 I'm scheduled to take the Compass test. It's the exact same test as the THEA (a college-level placement test) only it's on the computer, making it harder (no scratch paper built in). The results are instantaneous and will tell me what classes I'll be able to fit in with. We'll see what comes of it.

One more thing before I go, I thought it was funny how you guys commented on the puppy being sick and date movies and the correct lettering for computer graphics but when I get thrown into a wall and recieve the first concussion (although minor) in my entire life and you all say nothing. Lol. Just thought that was...odd.

Tschüss!

Ah, Amazing!

This weekend was incredible! I went to visit Josh this weekend in Austin and had a blast! Friday night Josh, Nana, Paw, and I went to a place called P.F. Chang's China Bistro (china bistro???). The food wasn't the greatest. Their Sweet and Sour Chicken was really good and they have this spicy sauce that they make for you out of soy sauce, chili sauce and chinese mustard...mmm...it was so good.

Saturday was amazing! Josh and I went down south to Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels. It was so much fun! He had a blast (so did i), and that's what matters. If you see a red-orange band on my right wrist, now you know what it's from.

The best part was how I woke up that morning. Josh came into the room at 5:30 and sat next to me on the bed and told me "happy 14-month anniversary" and asked me if I wanted to watch the sunrise with him like we did 14 months ago. So we sat in front of the window and started watching. 5 minutes later his alarm clock goes off, playing Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply, Do (the "I wanna stand with you on a mountain" song). He told me how much he loved me and sang the song to me while we watched the sunrise in front of the window. It was so romantic I cried.

Sunday we slept in (I couldn't...my stomach wasn't happy with me - why does is always happen when I go down there?), then watched the Phantom of the Opera on DVD, he got me hooked on Guild Wars while he took a shower, then we ate pizza from Mr. Gatti's with Nana and Paw, then played Taboo with them too - that was a blast! Then I packed and went home. The drive was ok. It felt faster than the way up there, that's for sure.

Today I've been looking at laptops and have found the one I want to purchase. I'm so excited about it! I can't wait to order it! I'll talk to my parents some more about it when they get home tonight and we'll make a firm decision then. Talk to you all later! I gotta go eat breakfast.

Tschüss!

Funny Things Are Happening

Well, folks, Rock has himself a home now. His new owner came and picked him up this afternoon. Funny thing is, I cried. He's not even my puppy and I cried! Josh says it's just because I'm a caring person. I think there's something wrong with me because upon my arrival "home" I found myself missing his little yip when he hears me come into the bedroom. I miss his fluffy curls all over his little body. I miss his cute little face and his little orange triangle ears. I even miss how he'd sneak off with one of my flip flops for a chew toy. *sigh* I miss the little rascal.

Work today was interesting. This morning went by so slowly. I was in a bad mood on my lunch break because of the lack of pace this morning and a co-worker's insistance on being the way she is (heh, go figure). Sometimes I get along really well with Debra and sometimes she really burns me up. Sometimes she flat out pisses me off. I won't get into that though. You don't want to sit here all night reading about it, I'm sure.

Anyhoo, during lunch break I took Rock back to the house (he came to work with me to make it easier on his parents) to be picked up by his new owner, hurried over to Arby's to pick up lunch and rushed over to work - I barely made it back on time. The afternoon went by rather quickly, which is a good thing. I was ready for that day to be over. I got kind of frustrated towards the end of the night, but not near as much as earlier.

I didn't tell you my fun from yesterday, did I? Heh. Well, I went in for my regularly scheduled shift which started at 1:00. The first appointment was a Rhodesian Ridgeback (for those of you who don't know how big they are, think small Rottweiler, big Lab size). This dog was so scared to be in the vet's office. Debra, my nurse for the day, asked for my help as VA for her, to hold the dog while she got blood and a fecal. I'm holding this dog, after prying her away from the wall just enough to fit my body between her (the dog) and it, and just as Debra puts the turnicate on her leg, the dog tries to get me off of her and runs me into the decorative molding along the wall. No big deal, I'm ok. I get a better grip on the dog (for fear that my restraint wasn't good enough) and Debrah tries to get the blood from the dog. The owner, Debra and I are all sweet-talking the dog to try and calm her down. The dog tries to get me off again and slams me straight into the molding again, about three times as hard as the first time, making a very loud bang as my head hit the wall.

Everything went black, my eyes started to water, Debra started talking to me, I regained my vision, I realizeed what just happened to me, and from then on all my attention went strait to trying not to cry in front of the client (the owner of the dog). Debra had me go sit down and gave me an ice pack to put on the already growing knot on my head. I sat there, still in shock of what happened. My head started to hurt really badly, so I went and took an Ibuprofen for the pain and swelling. It never did help the pain, but the swelling stopped about an hour after the incident. I hit my head at 1:45. I started getting really sleepy about 2:30-3:00, about the same time the swelling died down.

My left leg from the knee down had been very sore in the muscles. I just blew it off as a weather thing since a few other co-workers were having the same intramuscular pain from the weather. Ever since I hit my head, the pain became gradually worse througout the day and had spread past my knee into my thigh and eventually into my hip. The pain was so bad that I was limping around the clinic not putting pressure on it (even though it still hurt like crazy).

Labling my injury as a mild concussion, I took the necessary precautions. I had Josh call me 20 minutes after he told me to go to sleep to wake me up. He also (voluntarily) called me two or three times during the night, then again to wake me up in the morning. I left the back door unlocked overnight just in case and told my Mom that I would do so when she had come to rescue me (Seanathan abandoned me) from a dead battery after work.

I've had a mild headache all day long with off and on severe headaches. Sometimes it'll hurt very intensely for about 10 minutes, then it'll go away. My leg hasn't hurt since last night. Odd, huh?

After work tomorrow I'm helping Lara watch two kids that she's sitting. We're going to Hawaiian Falls. It'll be interesting, I'm sure, considering one kid is 10 and bringing a friend and the other is 2. Heh. I'm so lucky *said in the most sarcastic tone possible* I'm sure I'll have a good time. If not, I always have no work to look forward to on Sunday!

Well, this thing is long enough. That, and I want to go cross-stitch some more. I'll talk to you poppets later.

Tschüss!

You Know What?

It's really hot outside. I don't normally sweat and even I have beads along my dainty brow. Yuck!

Anyhoo, chores are done.

Yesterday at work I got everything left on my check-off sheet signed, I watched the last video, studied and took my test...and made a 96! That means that I am completely done with my check-off sheet and that means that if that was the only thing keeping me from being hired, I GET TO KEEP MY JOB!!! I'M ALL FINISHED!!! *Dances around room* Knowing my luck, when I meet with Susan on Tuesday, I'll be fired for some other reason. Heh. Ah well. At least I did what no one else has done, 1)finished the check-off sheet in 6 weeks (with two days to spare!) and 2) got a 100 on the hardest test of them all! I even got mentioned in the staff's monthly newsletter for it! I haven't celebrated yet, but I will sometime soon. Maybe I'll go have dinner with my parents some night this week (boy, do I love saying that!)

Rock is laying in my lap and when I looked down at him, his chin was resting on my arm and he was looking at me with his adorable puppy eyes. It was picturesque! He's so cute!

Yesterday Lara and her boyfriend John came over and swam for a half hour. Then we went to Taco Bell, then went to see War of the Worlds at AMC. If you asked me how the movie was last night, I would have said it was a very intense thriller, borderline scary. If you asked me now, I would still say a very intense thriller, but I wouldn't call it scary. It was a good movie, very well made. The ending sucked, but to find out why you'll just have to watch it. The graphics were amazing and the CA (computer animation) was the best I've seen yet as far as realism goes with humans being picked up and that sort of thing. The movie really gets you into it, even if you don't normally get into movies. I do get into movies and for a couple of hours, reality slipped completely from my mind.

This is a good date movie. The guys sit there and say to each other, "Heh. Cool graphics. Hey, look! Something just blew up and now that car's on fire!" and the girls cling to their boyfriend's arm the entire time, doing exactly what the guys were hoping they would do. I liked this movie and plan on seeing it with Josh when I go down there in a couple of weekends.

Christina and Angela are going to spend the night tomorrow night. That'll be fun. And don't worry, I already cleared it with Angi. We're going to swim and watch movies and laugh and play and sleep...it's going to be great! I'm going to make macaroni and cheese and cut open the watermelon and we'll have ice cream...speaking of which, I'm going to go get some right now!!!

Tschüss!!!

More Better

Ok, hopefully this post won't be near as depressing as the last one. I was in an emotional state (a bad one) when I wrote that. Feel free to ignore it.

Life at Angi's house is great. Aside from the fact that I don't have computer games or schoolwork to keep me company, everything's going great! The dogs are wonderful, aside from the occasional chewing of the plants by little Rock (the 14-week-old puppy). They play with each other and are very content with my presence. Rock took a nap with me the other day and the other night he slept contentedly by my side as I cross-stitched.

I don't know how that reminded me, but I just remebered that I have to do chores...get mail, water plants, brush pool...I'll be back in a bit.

Peeking Through the Window of Her Mind

I love my church. We have nice people, good, solid teaching, our Sunday School lessons come straight from the Bible and not some curriculum from Pennsylvania or Arkansas, the people there truly love the Lord and want to serve Him.

I've been struggling with my walk with God for about a year and a half now. I've gone to various people for help and they all gave me the same advice. I asked for help with the advice and they gave it again. I asked God for help when I started seeing myself slipping. I kept sliding down hill and moved further and further away from Him. Friends, family, deteriorating relationships that my friends or I were going through, trips, the little things in life, things kept coming and I knew I needed to trust Him. I thought I did. I got to the point where I was falling into a hole. Not knowing what it looked like, what it felt like to trust God only exacerbated the situation. I finally hit the bottom of the hole. Hurting, I struggled to find out a way to get out. I'd look up at the small hole of light, the only source of light, the opening to the hole I'd fallen into, and wish for a way out. Like a baby learns to stand, I'd grab onto the wall and barely pull myself up, sometimes to a standing position, give up, say it's too hard, and fall back down. I'd sit there, frustrated that I can't do the easiest things. I'd whine and complain to myself all the time about how bad my situation is.

Sometimes people would call down the hole to me and ask me if I was ok. Certain people I would say yes to, just to be polite. Others I would desperately ask for help. Some ignored my request and walked away. Some sent down a rope, but it never came far enough for me to reach. One built a ladder that reached all the way down to the bottom of the hole. He told me to come when I'm ready, that He'll be waiting for me when I get there. Noticing the ladder is one thing, climbing it is another. I'm working on climbing the ladder. I know what I'm supposed to do, I know how to climb the ladder, that's not the issue. It's fitting it into everyday life that's hard.

If it weren't for the people at church, I wouldn't have even noticed the ladder. I would have been so focused on myself that I would have missed it completely. These people were like a flashing arrow pointing through the dark to the ladder, my way of escape from the dark and lonely hole. They are my encouragement, my motivation to perservere and be strong. They help me do what I should do alone, but can't find the strength to do it.

The past two weeks have been the best weeks of my spiritual walk in at least a year. I have grown in how I think and how I view things. I'm watching them through glass windows. I'm listening to what they say to each other, especially about God. I feel like I'm a recovering skeptic. I watched these people at church and saw the ones that were constantly talking about God and every other word out of their mouth was how God did this for them and God saved them in this situation and found myself not happy, but intstantly bitter and angry at His name and the way they used it. These people I dubbed "overly Christian" and found that my anger wasn't necessarily towards them, but at myself and my situation. I still find that people that are that way are annoying - I'm happy for them and all, but they can talk about other things. You can thank God for what he's done in your life and tell others about it without being so repetitive. I almost hate to say that, but it's the truth. Sorry, long rabbit trail. I'm working on it.

Now when I see these people, they help me realize my situation and while they don't tell me how to fix it (I haven't asked them), they do help me to do so by pointing to Him. I'm not really sure what's going to happen, but I know this: God has His plan for me. I am taken care of. Although I'm not where I'd like to be (who is?), I finally realize that it's ok. It's ok to go slowly. I don't have to be some super Christian. I can have problems. As long as I still acknowledge that God is the only cure and let Him be such, I'm ok.

That's what has been on my mind recently. I have to go get final details for tomorrow...I'm housesitting for a friend for two weeks. Have to go get Clifford inspected so I don't get a ticket for being so far out of inspection. I'll talk to you all later. I will have internet while I'm there and I'll try and blog as often as I can.

Tschüss!

100

I don't really feel like updating, but I have to tell you this...

I took another test at work on Tuesday (the 21st) and made a 100! Perfect score on the second hardest test! When I told my boss, not only was she encouraging (yes!!) but she said that she didn't have any records of anyone else making a 100 on that test. So not only did I ace it, but I'm the only one to ace it!!! Score! (no pun intended)

Tschüss!

Possibly the First Time In My Life

I PASSED MY TEST TODAY! I GOT A 94! Which means...I GOT AN A!!! That's probably the first time in my entire life to get an A on a test. I was so happy I was crying. Hooray!

I get home and Mom tells me on her way out the door to look at Oreo's leg and that I need to change the bandage. I take him in there and look at it and oh my goodness. It used to just be a surface sore, about 1/2 inch wide and 1 1/2 inches long, looking irritated and possibly infected. The surface sore part is healing and looks a lot better. The bad thing is, even though he has an Elizabethan collar on (a hard plastic cone that goes around his head) he's still trying to lick the sore. There's a gash in it now, shaped like a V, and bleeding. Not profusely, but bleeding nonetheless. When I bandaged his leg I noticed that there's more to it. Where the bottom of the V is, there's one edge that goes farther down, looking more like a lowercase Y - y. He needs to go to thet doctor. I'd call them and take him now, but we can't afford to take him in and pay for all the treatments. Sometimes being poor really sucks! If I could afford to pay for it, I would - out of my own money. I feel so bad for him. I wish there was something I can do.

Ok, in an attempt to make my mood lighter, I'll tell you my plans for this weekend. Josh, about 2 months ago, invited me to go to his family reunion with he and his family. This Saturday is the reunion and it's going to be a blast! I am so unbelievably excited about it! We're going to go swimming, eat food, see family members that we've never met before, all sorts of fun stuff like that! *grins and laughs* It's going to be a blast!

That's really all I had to blog about. Oh, and one more thing...

I PASSED MY TEST!!!

Tschüss!

Unfair

If crying could fix things, I'd be golden right now.

My work situation feels impossible. I'm fighting a wall, here. No matter how hard I push on the wall, it's not going to budge. This is how it feels. The reality is that if I keep fighting the wall, I can break a hole in the concrete just big enough for me to crawl through...but I have to fight and fight and fight to no end. I feel like the only thing I'm fighting for is my career, and I could live without that.

I want this job so badly! But I want to give up. I start thinking that I really can do this, and then I talk to Susan (my boss). One 5 minute talk with her can ruin my entire day. I wish I had known that the little check-off sheet meant so much. I wish I knew that it determined whether or not I had a job at Highland. I wish so badly to rewind time knowing what was ahead of me. If I had known it was this important, it'd be completed by now.

I wonder if she's making it difficult for me on purpose. I wonder if she thought she made a bad decision by hiring me.

You must be strong, Julie. You can overcome this.

The Puppy

Oh, and by the way, the puppy made it. She's alive and well now. Her sibling had to be put down, but she's just fine.

Grrness

I just remembered that I need to get in to work today (today's my day off). I have a video that I haven't finished from yesterday plus three more to watch today and take another test. Grrness. I really feel like giving up. If I didn't want to work there so badly, I wouldn't care - I would've given up already. But I want to work there so badly, and I'm afraid that I won't get to. I was asking people all day to help me so they could sign off on things and I didn't get a single thing signed off. I'm going to end up doing everything on Thursday morning again and I don't want to do that. Grr. I wish there were an easy way out of this.

Yesterday after work and picking up Wm, Chris and I went to Chili's for dinner and then went shopping after that. We went to Kohl's and I got three shirts. We went to WalMart after that to look at laptops since I'm wanting to buy one after I housesit for Angi and they didn't have them out. The lady said, fairly rudly, that they didn't keep them out, that they were always locked up and weren't ever out on display. That's what I get for going to the Lewisville WalMart. Ah well.

Shopping with Chris was fun. We haven't hung out in a while and I really enjoyed her company. She's such an awesome woman. Very mature and godly. She's amazing. You know, having a best friend for 13 years and managing to still be close is awesome. It's a great feeling to know that someone will always be there.

We're going to see if the "original four" of us (Kelley, Chris, Ang and I) can have a sleepover sometime soon. That'll be fun. I like hanging out with them. Who knew I'd still be friends with all four of them 13 years later? I hoped it would happen, but things like moving happens a lot to little kids. Ah well. Time to plan the party!

Tschüss!

Could I Be More Of A Mixture?

I am so happy yet so sad. All at the same time.

So my interesting work story for the week happened this afternoon. A 7 week old chocolate lab puppy was brought into us. The chief complaint: bloody diarrhea and vomiting. The first thing we think: Parvo.

For those of you that don't know (which is virtually everyone), Parvo is a virus that attacks rapidly dividing cells, i.e. the intestinal wall. When the dog vomits or makes a bowel movement, the virus moves in and further irritates the intestines, only making the dog sicker. Parvo can be cured if caught in time. If not, it can kill the dog. Now that you've been briefed, back to the story.

We drew some blood and tested the puppy for Parvo. The test came up negative. Even though this test is 95% accurate, there have been a few rare cases where the test came up negative and the dog was infected with Parvo. We did a fecal on the pup (examined her stool under a microscope) to look for things like Giardia that could have meant a different disease with similar symptoms. The fecal came back negative - we didn't find anything. We were still leaning towards Parvo as the source of ailment for this poor puppy.

When Dr. Hunsberger was in the room with the patient, talking to the owner, she noticed that the puppy was jerking around. They decided it was a dream rather than tremors because she woke herself out of it and was fine. If the shaking was tremors, then Distemper would have been the leading suspect.

I'm not exactly sure what the Distemper virus does, but I do know the symptoms. It's basically just like Parvo, the bloody diarrhea and vomiting being prominent. Distemper can also affect the nervous system, causing permanent damage to the dog, assuming it lives. Distemper can be cured, but most often it results in death.

So now we're not exactly sure what's ailing the puppy, either Parvo or Distemper. Either way, it's not good. We're going to treat her on Monday for Parvo, but she can't stay the night with us because she needs observation and there won't be people here this weekend. We referred her to an emergency clinic in Carrollton, that's where she is now. I don't know what'll happen to her, but I certainly hope she lives.

It was interesting. We couldn't handle any other puppies or dogs that hadn't been current on their vaccinations because if the puppy did have either of those very contagious diseases, they could get transmitted to the other animals. That meant that everything we (Debra, my OPN-Out Patient Nurse, the doctor, and i) touched had to be disinfected to kill the virus so it didn't spread to other animals. Our clothes needed to be disinfected, the hospital had to be disinfected...everything. I have my clothes and Dr. Hunsberger's clothes here to get decontaminated. You have no idea how freeing the shower was when I got home. I could finally touch something without having to make a mental note to spray it down with Lysol, I could sit down without having to worry about disinfecting it later. It was great! That was my adventure for today.

I'm so excited...Josh is coming into town this weekend for Father's Day. We're going out Saturday night. We're going to go see Cinderella Man. It's going to be great fun for everyone.

I'm exhausted, so I'm going to go to bed. Should have been in bed by now, but eh. I'll talk to you all later! Comment, please. I really do like hearing from you.

Tschüss!

Memories

Sometimes it's really creepy reliving memories. I just read the first two months of my blogging (on the public one, that is) and am shocked at how immature yet mature I was. Am I always like that? Reliving the memories of life before Josh were odd feeling. Reliving the memories of how I met him and how we became a couple still send chills down my spine. I'd better go now...I have...things to do.

Tschüss.

Glad I Made It Home On Sunday

Driving to work this morning, I turn out of my neighborhood and start accelerating as usual. As you all know, my truck is a standard, which means that the faster you go, the higher gear the truck needs to be in in order for it to work properly. I depress the clutch to shift into third gear. It starts to go, then something inside locked up and I couldn't get it to go into third. "I'm going up a hill, I need steam here, I'll shift back into second" I think to myself. I met with the same fate when attempting to shift into second gear. The clutch is broken. I managed to get up the hill and into the parking lot of the small strip center at the end of the road, put the hazard lights on, informed my Mother of my situation and walked the short 10 minutes home. Joy beyond all comprehension, we're back down to two cars.

The best part is though (sarcasm) is that my Mom and brothers went to take the company van back to work...in Addison. They left 15 minutes before I did, so I am now stranded here at the house and unable to get to work at the time I wanted to be. According to my boss, I don't have to be there until 4 tonight, but I wanted to be there at 9 this morning so I could work on my check-off sheet stuff that I have to have all signed off by tomorrow. I have videos to watch and a test to take that I've already failed twice. There's nothing but fun here with Julie! *sighs miserably* Maybe I'm not supposed to work there. I don't know.

I don't remember if I put this in my last blog, but Lake Dallas Veterinary Clinic called on Monday asking if I wanted to come in for an interview. I called them back to see what they were looking for...it's kennel positions. I tried to find out what they paid and if there was any advancement in training opportunities like there are at Highland, and the lady said that she didn't know, that the woman who usually did the interviews was in the hospital but that she'd be back tomorrow and give me a call. I never got a call yesterday. Ah well. Unless they paid a lot more and I had opportunities to advance like at Highland, I wouldn't want the job. Believe it or not, I like it where I am. God has His plans...I just wish I knew a few of them.

I'd better go before I depress you all. I'm actually in fairly high spirits considering the circumstances. I just really want to be at work right now.

Heh. Sarah's cute.

Tschüss!

Work Troubles

I hope I get to keep my job. I have this stupid check-off sheet that I have to have finished in three weeks or I lose my job. I don't know if I'll have the time to finish this one next week, although God is gracious and has helped me out.

My schedule this week is this:
Wednesday - 7:30-18:30
Thursday - 13:00-20:00
Friday - 7:30-18:30
Saturday - 7:30-12:00
So the only time I'd have to work on check-off sheet stuff is throughout my lunch break on Wednesday (I have a three hour lunch break) and before work on Thursday. The catch is, I have to meet with my boss on Thursday with everything checked off. Heh. Anyhoo, my co-worker called this morning and asked me if I was working tomorrow morning. I told her yes, and her response was, "Would you like a day off?" I agreed since that'll give me time to work on my check-off sheet instead of working back in kennels. Woohoo! Thank you God!

Random questions maybe you can help me answer: What is the plural of Moose? If a turtle loses it's shell, is it naked or homeless?

Tschüss!

Amazing Weekend

Wow. I have had the most amazing weekend ever. I left my house at 13:30ish, got gas and was on I-35 at 13:40. I arrived in Georgetown (on the outskirts of Austin) just over three hours later at 17:10. I visited with Josh's grandparents, Nana and Paw, until Josh got home from work about an hour later. Wow. He walked in the door and I couldn't breathe. I hadn't seen him in so long (I know, a week-and-a-half, but I'm a wimp), plus he looked gorgeous with a ponytail. Oh, it was so good to see him! That night we had dinner with Nana and Paw, then we played DDR, watched a movie and went to bed.

Saturday, we had breakfast at one of the two restaurants in Sun City (it's a Seniors only golf community like Robson Ranch, for those of you who know what that is) for breakfast, then went on a tour of all the "attractions" at Sun City, a workout center, an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, a crafts center, a Chevron, a dentist, a grocery store, they had everything in there. They're even building a theatre! It's so cute, too. Everyone drives around in a golf cart whether they golf or not. After the tour we went back home, Josh and I got our swimsuits on and headed out for a place called Barton Springs. It's natural springs that have been made into a pool. The kicker is, the water is 68 degrees year-round. Chilly, but fun. This pool is huge, too. You could fit probably four Olympic pools in this one pool. It was massive. Anyhoo, we were there from about 13:30 to 18:30, so about five hours. We went home, watched a movie, then went to bed. I didn't sleep very well that night...had real weird and scary dreams that kept me up.

Sunday morning was church. Heh, that was interesting to say the least. It was an interdenominational church that taught nothing definate. Our toddlers get more meat from lessons on Sundays than anyone in this church ever would. To make matters worse, the preacher didn't know his Bible. Heh. I bit my tongue through most of the service. Needless to say, I'll be sending Pastor Tim's sermon notes with Josh's letters every week. After church we went to the Wild Fire for brunch and boy howdy, it was good! I had felt a little sick in the morning, but I went to church anyway, and it went away by the time we ate. Josh and I had thought about going to see Cinderella Man, but we decided to watch a movie at the house instead, since we'd been out almost all day yesterday. We went to the neighborhood barbeque at 16:00, drove the golf cart around, walked a little bit on a "nature trail" and had some great barbeque. On the nature trail Josh and I saw a doe nibbling off of a bush. On the way into Sun City I saw at least four deer, all female. Three were together, running into the brush on the side of the road and one was standing in the middle of the road looking around. Anyhoo, we left the barbecue a little early because I didn't feel good and I had to put my stuff in the truck and go home. I felt so horrible - I felt like throwing up. I was debating staying the night and driving home the next day, Nana and Josh had said I could do that if I needed to, but I knew Mom would have my hide if I told her that I was sick so I wouldn't be coming home until the next day. I decided to go home even though I felt horrible. Josh went inside to get some water for me and I couldn't help but lean over. Even though I just ate, nothing came out. It was only more dry heaves. Josh got back, we said goodbye, I attempted to start the truck. It would crank, but never start up. I changed the oil, then tried to start it. It started, I said my goodbyes again, and then I left. Josh called me about five minutes later saying I had forgotten a shirt. I went back for it, asked where I could find Diesel fuel, got directions, and said my goodbyes once more. Finally, at five till eight, I left the quaint little house and headed for the gas station. I fueled up and was on my way. I had to text message Josh to keep myself awake and from getting sick. I called him between Corsicana and Dallas because I couldn't keep my eyes open even with the radio on and me looking around and doing things to keep myself awake. I got into Corinth and we hung up so he could get ready for bed. I got home, carried all my stuff into my room, threw it on the floor, got into bed, and as instructed, called Josh back. Ten minutes later I was asleep.

I thought I could go to work this morning, but I got a really bad wave of nausea and had stomach pain that made me double over, so I called in sick. I really tried to be strong and get to work, but I couldn't hold out any longer. That drive took it out of me. I still feel kind-of queasy, I've been able to hold down toast. Sleeping for 12 hours helped, too, I think. I'll be at work tomorrow if I can. I'm not scheduled to work, but I have to get some things done before Thursday or else I can't keep the job. That's why I wanted to be at work this morning. Ah well. If I'm sick, I'm sick, right?

I'd better go rest. Sitting up for so long is making me dizzy.

Tschüss!