Bummed

Well, it's official. I'm not going to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra this year. No one wants to go with me. Josh said that we could do something else instead, so I thought about the Gaylord Ice! exhibit. He didn't want to go once he realized that it was a room full of ice. He wanted a show.

Super bummed.

Sorry, All

My life has been über crazy. I pretty much live at work and what free time I do have, I split between sleep, laundry, and seeing my friends. It's a crazy life, but it pays well and keeps me busy, though also stressed and sick. :(

I have recently been introduced to a number of games by Shin Megami Tensei and have now, according to Dustin, become a "cult" member. The cult thing is a joke amongst the fans of Shin Megami Tensei because he uses a small company to produce his games, thus a limited number of copies are made and released, which means you have to be a fan to know about this guy. His games, though not too terribly difficult to find (with the exception of Nocturne) are usually very expensive for Playstation 2 games. To give you an idea, most PS2 games cost about $30 on average. His games run about $70 on average. There are a few games that you can get cheap from stores that resell games, but, as I've seen for myself, the game could be there one day and the next it won't. His games are absolutely amazing, which is why they go so fast. I now own all but two of his PS2 games and am very proud of it.

I recieved the book Marley & Me by John Grogan for Christmas this evening (Josh's family celebrated today instead of tomorrow) and have read two chapters. Already I can tell that this book is excellent. I was laughing out loud on the first page! I can also tell that I am going to bawl my eyes out at the end. It seems like one of those books. I got a super-cool copy that has pictures from the actual family (as opposed to the movie family) placed throughout the book so that you can see how things really were as you read through the story. It's amazing!

I need to go eat dinner. Sorry about the long period of silence. I don't want to say that I'll try to post more often, because every time I do, I end up jinxing myself, so I won't. You all have a very merry Christmas and have a happy New Year!

Birthday Weekend

This weekend was amazing! It was the best birthday I've ever had. I celebrated on Saturday (my birthday was Wednesday), both in the afternoon and the evening. I had a party planned for 9:30 pm at Main Event and invited all of my friends to go. A couple of coworkers couldn't make it but really wanted to celebrate with me, so they formulated lunch plans for after work Saturday afternoon. We went to Razzoo's and I had alligator tail for the first time ever...it was delicious! After lunch, Josh and I went to his house to relax. I took a nap because I was exhausted from work (VERY long shift).

Lyn-Z, Josh's sister, had a choir dinner called "Madrigal Feaste" at 7:00. We went last year, too, and it was awesome! The choir decorated the cafeteria to look like a castle and they performed madrigal music (all accapella), served us dinner, and performed a skit throughout the meal. Sometime I am amazed at the talent that I see in highschool. A lot of those kids are extremely talented in many ways; the "king" not only acted, but sang a solo, and he played the violin for a song; all of which were very well done...amazing.

After the Madrigal Feaste, Josh and I headed over to Main Event for my party. We bowled (I barely broke 50 points - yeesh), played arcade games, and played a round of laser tag, after which a few of us went back to my house to continue the party. At my house we talked for a good two hours before playing Guitar Hero. The last guests left at 4:00 am. It was a blast!

Best birthday ever...

Now I get to look forward to Thanksgiving; quite possibly my most favorite holiday. I have Wednesday through Sunday off of work and I plan on thoroughly enjoying my break. I can't wait to see the extended Gunter family, as well as my grandmother on Thursday. I love my grandmother so incredibly much. She's the strongest, most interesting woman I know. She's just plain fascinating.

Day #11

Today what makes me thankful is... I have a church filled with wonderful people that will support me and fellowship with me.

Today what makes me happy is... seeing my wonderful fiance before he goes back to school.

Today what makes me free is... being able to belt out songs in church and feel a closeness to God that can't be felt any other way.

Super-special-awesome-day

Day #10

Today what makes me thankful is... that I don't have to work in reception every day of the week.

Today what makes me happy is... spending time with my bestest guy friend, Dustin!

Today what makes me free is... not being at work.

Sorry, folks. I have been so very busy with work. Working 7:30-6 Tuesday through Friday is bad enough, but add on two Mondays in a row and an extra Saturday shift; that makes for one tired puppy!

I am so very excited about my birthday next week. My birthday is on Wednesday, but I'm having a party on the 22nd and a lot of my friends are going to be there...I'm so pumped!!! Tee hee!

Well, I'm at Dustin's and he's making fun of everything I'm typing, so I'm going to go now. I will try to write more often, I promise. Have a great weekend, everybody!!!

Working

I am working a lot. I mean a LOT. The office hours have changed so that we close at 6:00 every night, but that has caused everyone's hours to change as well. I now work from 7:30am to 6:00pm Tuesday through Friday. The good thing is that I only have to work one Saturday this month, but it's still a lot of work. I considered putting a tent in the parking lot and staying there during the week. It's very stressful to work there right now, but I'm sure things will settle down after a while.

I'm still thinking about taking on a second job so that I'll have the insurance for after I'm married. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is.

Josh didn't do so great (from his perfectionist point of view) on his GRE and he has been bummed out all day. The worst part is, there's nothing I can do to make him feel better, and I'm stuck all the way up here while he's in Austin. I know that even if I was there I wouldn't be able to comfort him much, but it's an instinct that I can't ignore. I'm a nurturer; at least I can admit it.

I really miss Kim.

I need to have coffee with Lori.

I need more female friends.

Day #9

Today what makes me thankful is... having coworkers that enjoy talking with me and sharing their lives with me.

Today what makes me happy is... having dinner with my bestest friend in the whole wide world!

Today what makes me free is... I'm almost 22 years old and my parents trust me.

Just Today

Day #8

Today what makes me thankful is... that I have the right to speak out to the nation, even if it's only through a ballot.

Today what makes me happy is... my Dad went to yoga class with Mom, John, and I. It was so cool doing yoga with him next to me.

Today what makes me free is... Yoga. It is a great mental and physical exercise. I really enjoy doing something only for me that is also good for me.

Diagnosis Unknown

If you read my previous blog, you know that I stayed home sick Tuesday afternoon. I woke up this morning with my sore throat feeling much worse than the previous day. I looked at my tonsils in the mirror, and I had a huge pus pocket on my right tonsil. I knew it was strep. The doctor didn't open until 8:00am, so when 8:00 came around, I called and made an appointment. I stayed all morning at work cuddled up in my UT zip front hoodie. It wasn't near warm enough, so when I didn't have any work to do, I cuddled up in the leather desk chair. I tried to stay away from everyone else so that I wouldn't infect them.

Finally, it was time to get off work. I had an hour before my appointment, so I took a cat nap in my car. When I got into the exam room, the nurse took my vitals, then said she'd look at my throat and if it was bad enough, she'd swab it for a strep test. I opened my mouth for her to look; she stepped backwards and made a face as soon as the light hit my tonsils. Then she looked again and said, "I don't even know how you're swallowing!" She brought the swab into the room and proceeded to tell me that I had a HUGE pus pocket on my right tonsil. She asked if I could eat, which I said I could. (Once I start eating, the food kind of scratches the tonsils in a good way and they don't hurt, so eating was a freedom for me, though I couldn't do it often because I'm constantly nauseous.)

The doctor came in and told me that the strep test came back negative, but when she looked at my throat she said that she thought what I have is strep. She took another swab (OUCH!!!) and said that she'd get the results from the bacterial culture she just took in three days. She said that she also thought that I might have mono. The second time a doctor thought that in two months. She said that the mono test will not show positive, even if you have mono, until you're sick for a while. She told me that if I'm not completely better in seven days, I should come back in and she'll run a mono test.

In three days (Monday is my guess, which would make it five days), I find out if the bacterial culture comes out positive for strep. In seven days, I could be diagnosed with mono. Insert expletive here.

The worst part is, my fiance is coming in town this weekend, and I cannot kiss him. The man I love with all my heart, whom I haven't seen in three weeks, I cannot kiss. Well, let me be honest. The doctor said that I can kiss him on the cheek, as long as he washes his cheek immediately afterwards. Grr. I feel like my weekend is ruined.

Friday night is Josh's cul-de-sac's Halloween party, which I will still go to, but will keep my distance. Saturday I work from 7:30-12 (possibly 2 thanks to our new hours, which is fine), then Josh and I have a hair appointment at 2:30. Saturday evening and Sunday are both free, which is a good thing because I'll be running way too much this weekend. I still feel bad about being sick, but Josh says it's not my fault so I shouldn't worry about it. I'm sure he'll still make a great weekend out of it...he usually does.

So when I'm still at the doctor's office, the doctor tells me to stay home from work tomorrow and rest. Insert another expletive here. This will make day number six of sick days, if my memory serves me, and we're only allowed three sick days in a 365 day period. I don't think that's reasonable, but that's my opinion. Anyhoo, I make sure to take my doctor's note back to work and set it on my boss's desk. I called her, at the advice from another coworker, and tell her the story. Her response was a sigh and a pause. She then said, "You need to watch your hours because you're dangerously close to losing your full-time status." She then complained because there weren't many people who are willing to cover for me, but that she would make it work. Then she hung up. Gee, boss, thanks for caring about my health.

I have resolved that if I do have mono, I will ask her if she is going to fire me or if I should just quit. The reason I will ask her this is because I very seriously doubt that she would put up with me not being able to work for that long of a time. With mono, there is a two week minimum period where you literally sleep for 20 hours out of the day. This means missing two weeks of work, minimum. I REALLY hope that I don't have mono because it would financially destroy me. With all of the bills I have to pay, I need the paycheck that I'm getting. Anyway, another rant for another day.

I'm going to go eat some dinner and sleep some more. I will definitely keep you updated.

Delayed

Sorry about the delay. I feel like I haven't written in forever! I was super busy this weekend; I was house/pet sitting and did not take my laptop with me, which is the main reason why I didn't post.

I was sick today. I felt pretty crappy yesterday. I called in sick, slept in until about 10:30 and stayed in bed most of the day. I went to the college Halloween party because I was feeling better. I went to work this morning and got worse throughout the day. The weird thing is, even though I'm nauseated, I still get hungry and can eat like normal. I have a splitting headache and my tonsils are swollen and red, but don't have the white spots/stripes that are typical with strep throat. I'm pretty sure I have/had a fever, but I'm not sure what illness I have. It pretty much stinks.

I was ECSTATIC when I got to the Turner's house last night and saw Kim's car in the driveway. I have missed her SO much and it was absolutely wonderful to see her again. We didn't get to talk much, but I really enjoyed seeing her and Jess again. I don't think she has any idea how much I've been missing her. Don't get me wrong, Kelly is great, but I have a special bond with Kim; she's like my adult best friend. I really, really enjoyed seeing her again, even for the short time I had.

I got my Mom addicted to yoga! Well, maybe not addicted, but she's getting a membership, too, which means that on weekends, at the very least, we'll be able to go to yoga together!

Random thought of the day: I would love to ride in a hot air balloon someday.

Day #8

Today what makes me thankful is... seeing Kim yesterday.

Today what makes me happy is... I got to talk to Josh a lot today. And I get to see him in three days!

Today what makes me free... being able to be sick in my room and work on getting better.

Just Today

Day #7

Today what makes me thankful is... that I am my own person now. I've grown up and now I don't let people push me around and control me.

Today what makes me happy is... that my coworker, Cindy J., and I get along so well.

Today what makes me free is... yoga. It's an amazing workout both physically and mentally. Sometimes I feel like it's what keeps me going during the week.

I'm so... blah... ugh... sigh... And I don't like it.

So Random

Day #6

Today what makes me thankful: I have a wonderful fiance who love me, tells me I'm beautiful, who is sweet, and who is a gentleman through and through.

Today what makes me happy is: spontaneous trips to Starbucks with friends just to hang out.

Today what makes me free is: God's grace, love, and forgiveness; even with the little things.

Today was a long day. I was at work at 7:30, worked 'til noon, then went to the staff meeting. :( I went to Starbucks to chill before I had to be back at work by 4.

I am exhausted. I need a vacation. To omuch is going on in my life right now. It's so heavy that I can't even sleep.

Random thought: the scratching of a pen on paper is quite soothing.

I think I'm turning into a mental case.

I miss Joshua terribly.

A Depressed Day

I was depressed again today. I don't know why, but I was. This has happened three days in the past two weeks. Doesn't sound too serious, perhaps, but I'm not usually this depressed ever. Hmm...

Day #5

Today what makes me thankful is...that I can go to a Bible study without fear of being arrested, tortured, or killed.

Today what makes me happy is... I got a lot done on my Halloween costume today and it is almost finished!

Today what makes me free is... the soldiers in foreign lands who daily offer their lives so that we can have ours. God bless you, Dr. Roberts, and may He keep you safe and well. We'll miss you.

Please pray that my mysterious depression will go away.

Late Post

Day #4

Today what makes me thankful is... that it's really easy to make up with Josh.

Today what makes me happy is... my favorite football team is undefeated this season (Hook 'em horns!!!)

Today what makes me free is... not having to work on Saturday.

Not A Great Day

Day #3
Today I am thankful for... friends to comfort me when things aren't going so well.

Today what makes me happy is... having co-workers that care.

Today what makes me free is... distance is sometimes a good thing.

I've had a rough afternoon today. I don't think going into details would be acceptable on this world-wide visiting place. I've been having a lot of emotions this week and I don't like it. *shrug* I am a female.

Dinner's ready, so I need to go. Later!

Mid October Feels Colder Outside

Per my good friend, I should write daily for three months. What I should write each day is 1) what I am thankful for, 2) what makes me happy, and 3) what makes me free. Since I am horrible about writing daily, I have a compromise. Mutating Missionary, is it ok with you (or rather, will your idea still work) if instead of writing daily for three months if I write as close to daily as possible for 90 days? I will keep close track of them, I promise.

Assuming MM agrees, here's day #2.

Day #2:
Today I am thankful for... a job that I get paid to do and enjoy doing.

Today what makes me happy is... knowing that I have adult friends who treat me like a young adult, and don't mind taking time out of their busy day to have coffee with me.

Today what makes me free is... I'm still feeling pretty free from yoga yesterday.

I'm getting a bit upset by a couple of people at work. I'm trying not to let their moods affect me, but it's difficult, for reasons that I'd rather not get into for their privacy, and I'm not too great yet at making myself happy out of nowhere. I'm trying to focus on the positive when they start getting to me...that's the best thing I can think to do.

That's just a small blurb, but I'm hungry and my parent's minichurch finally left, so I can go get dinner now. :D

Have an awesome day tomorrow!

A "Blah" Day

Today was not that great of a day and I'm not sure why. I guess it was just one of "those" days. It was just blah.

Ok...here goes my attempt at Mutating Missionary's idea.
Today I am thankful for... a fiance who loves me and cares for me.

Today what makes me happy is... remembering the wonderful weekend I had with Josh and his family.

Today what makes me free (I'm not sure what you mean by this...please explain?) is... God's grace. Plain and simple.

I Googled (yeah, it's a verb now) "blah" and this is what I found...


Ironically, the page it was on was from a person who Googled "blah" and found this picture. Weird, huh?

Not Much To Say

I'm still here - I don't have much time to write these days. I need to have coffee with several of you...this will be arranged soon.

As for you, my Mutating Missionary, I think you're asking if I write daily, which I don't. I probably should, but I don't. I can write things I'm thankful for, that's not a problem. I can try writing daily, though it will be difficult seeing as I'm always running somewhere.

I'm a bit frustrated right now, so I'm going to relax and calm down.

Unsure

That's how I'm feeling right now. Unsure. Ashamedly much so, in fact. The last couple of weeks at church, whenever eternity comes to mind, I get scared. Sometimes I'll be daydreaming about my future either at work or while driving, and I'll think of when I'm old. My body will not be able to do things that it did before; simple things like standing erect or walking. Then I think about myself on my deathbed. What will it feel like to die? Will I simply fall asleep and a second later I wake in heaven? Or will I almost watch myself die, watch my body die, while my conscience stays alert and then I take myself to heaven? Or will it be like fainting; I just lose consciousness altogether before I even know what happened? I believe in heaven and hell, I believe there's a second, eternal life. But the transition scares me. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I will be alone for the briefest second. I don't know if it's because Josh may or may not be there to hold my hand through it. I'm pretty sure it's not doubt, though it very well could be. I don't know if it's a trust issue.

I do have a trust issue. Trusting God with everything. Giving Him my life, my love, my concerns, my dreams, my everything. I know He's there, I know He'll take care of me, but I can't do it fully. How is it that I can trust a broken, fragile, worthless jar of clay with everything but I can not trust the One who made me, the One who loves me the most, the One who knows me more than I do? I shouldn't be going through this. I grew up in Crossroads, I grew up reading the Bible, I grew up in a christian family, I grew up knowing what's right and wrong, I grew up knowing what I believe. I should not be having these issues.

But ever since high school something went wrong. My junior year, things started feeling different. I still prayed and read the Bible, but something felt wrong. I spoke with my Bible study leaders, asking them what was wrong with me; the things I was feeling and thinking weren't right. I felt stagnant, like I was walking backwards, facing God, reaching for Him, trying to walk forward, but my feet kept moving the wrong way. I asked the strongest christians that I knew for help and advice. I got nothing. Nothing I didn't already know. They said to read the Bible, that even if I didn't feel like doing it, I should anyway, and the desire would come. It never did. I prayed earnestly and desperately to have a desire. To want to be in love with God, to love Him the way I love Josh - only more. It never came.

Now I'm stuck. I feel like I am the furthest from God that I have ever been. I feel like a bad child. I feel like the kid who only obeys sometimes, the kid who does what she wants to instead of what she knows she should do. I feel guilty that I haven't trusted Him with everything. I feel bad because I know so much, but I'm not living what I believe, what I know to be true. I don't know how.

I'm scared. I want my children to grow up knowing God and loving Him and trusting Him. I'm afraid that my husband and I will end up like his parents. Dad goes to church, then goes home. Mom goes to church, teaches Sunday school, then goes home. That's it. No serving, no Bible studies, no minichurch. I'm not downing on them or saying they're not spiritual enough or any of that garbage. I feel like that would be not enough for me. I want to stay active and serve and attend Bible studies. But I can't figure out why. I want to do all these great things, something makes me desire them, but if I'm not doing them for God, why do I want to do them? Not doing them only makes me feel even guiltier, but doing them for the wrong reasons isn't any better.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Something's wrong with my brain. I don't know what it is. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know why I can't do it. This has been on my mind for a long time and I don't know what to do with it, how to handle it, how to deal with it, how to fix it, how to make it go away. I'm stuck and I'm unsure of what my next move is. It's way too easy to keep going through life doing what I want.

Getting Better

Well, it's now October. Time flies when your mind is occupied, that's for sure.

My tummy troubles are (hopefully) almost over. The medicine the doctor put me on, after telling me that my infection almost put me in the hospital, makes me nauseated all the time, which in turn makes it difficult to find an appetite. I'm feeling a little bit better every day. Reduced nausea, increase in appetite, and less fatigue are the symptoms of my struggle to heal. I'm so tired of being sick it's not even funny.

Work is going well. I am almost finished with my Inpatient VA training, and am already finished with the corresponding videos. I'm well on my way to accomplishing my goal of having my OPN training finished by the end of December. After the IVA training, I start working on the OPN stuff...I'm almost there!

I got to see Josh about 3 weeks ago. I drove down to Georgetown and we stayed with his grandparents as usual. We played Canasta and ate and ate and ate. Nana doesn't let us go hungry or go without dessert. I had so much fun and it was so great to see Josh again. Sometimes the phone just doesn't cut it, you know? He's coming in town next weekend to celebrate his father's and uncle's birthdays with the family, so I'll get to see him and his family then.

Wedding plans are going well. There's not much to do right now - I have all the big stuff done already. I'm doing some preliminary invitation and registry pondering, 'cause it's all I have to do.

I'm REALLY hungry, so I'm going to fetch some dinner. I'll talk to you all later. Have a great weekend!

I'm Sick

I'm sick. I took off work today because I felt so bad. I'm trying so hard to be better for my shift tomorrow, but I don't think it's working. Mom says that my hopes of working tomorrow aren't looking good. I think I'll just stay at home as much as possible - don't go anywhere after work, etc. Tracy is having her baby shower on Saturday, which I will try to go to, but I think I will skip yoga again :( and spend the weekend resting and getting better. I don't work on Monday, so I'll have an extra day to rest.

I don't know what this secondary sickness is, but I'm not liking it at all. Severe nausea, loss of appetite, and severe headaches bordering on the migraine level, all on top of a bladder infection. How can I put it...yay! NOT. VERY not fun. Don't do it. I don't recommend it at all. Even drinking cranberry juice bothers my tummy.

I need to go lay down some more. I hope you all are having a better day than I am.

Hurricane Ike

I have family and friends in Houston. I don't know if they've evacuated or not. I know the focus is on Galveston Island right now, but Houston will be next, and I'm worried.

I'm worried about friends that aren't in danger of Ike. I know they'll be ok eventually, but it's getting to the ok part that I'm worried about.

I want it to be July. I'm tired of waiting to see my fiance. I get to see him in 7 days, but it feels like forever will pass before I see him. I can't wait for July.

Great Day

I had an awesome day today! I worked as an Inpatient Veterinary Assistant today, which means that I was in the back helping the nurse with surgeries. I did my first dental cleaning today - I did three, I shaved a dog for surgery, and I drew blood for the first time! So many firsts today. I also am officially done with my reception training - finally! That means that I get a 50 cent raise, too!

And, I got to watch a cystotomy on a Schnauzer today. The dog had four large (about 1 inch diameter) stones, and a ton of tiny ones that resembled gravel. All in all there were an estimated 300 stones. I felt so bad for the dog.

That's really all I had to say. Have a good week, everybody!

I Am Not Dead

I'm just really busy.

Between friends, wedding planning, pre-marital counseling, work, and Josh being home, I've had a lot on my plate.

I'm not ready for summer to be over. It doesn't feel like the end of summer. At all. Maybe it's because I'm not attending college this semester. Maybe it's because I enjoy the relaxed feel of the day. Maybe it's because I don't miss the daily grind, the routine we get set in once school starts. But, the sooner the school year begins, the sooner it ends, and the sooner I'll be able to move on.

I'm ready to leave the house. I cannot stand it here. Everything is filthy. I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to my mother screaming at my youngest brother...again; I definitely don't miss that from last semester. My parents are now expecting me to pay for their gas. I gave my Dad $80 so they could put gas in their cars one week ago because they needed it. Now they're expecting it from me. I need my money to stay in the bank where it belongs. I have a wedding to pay for - my parent's can't help with that. I work my butt off at work, I pay my bills, I even buy myself food. I need whatever I can get to save for the wedding.

I'm getting a second job - if Starbucks will hire me - for a couple of reasons. One, I could use the extra money to pay for the wedding things. Two, it will give me a second option when looking for a new job. If we go to Germany to live, I seriously doubt I could get a job at a veterinarian's office, so I would be able to apply at Starbucks' near the apartment. If we stay in the states, I can work at Starbucks until a vet's office gets back to me; it was 6 months after I applied at AMC of HV that they finally contacted me for hire, so it's good to have a backup plan.

Kim leaving has been hard, too. I've never had a close friend move away before, and it's really weird not seeing her on Mondays. It's weird that the college group isn't getting together on Mondays, too. I haven't heard what will happen to our Bible study group. I'm sure that the kids who are gone away for college have already left, so that leaves us at-home kids. The group of stay-here students is a lot smaller, of course, but it still may be difficult to keep all of us together. I'm afraid that the group will dissolve; that would be horrible. I'm not sure what I can do, though. I suppose we'll talk about it at church tonight.

I'm not in much of a mood to tell you everything that happened in the last two months. Josh left this afternoon and I'm working through the routine that happens after he leaves. I always feel lonely; like I'm only half here. I want to be with people, but at the same time, I want to be alone. It only lasts a day or two, but the first week after he leaves is always the hardest. I'll talk to you all later. I hope your summers have been well.

Hectic Weekend

I suppose I should update. You might be wondering what happened to me. I'm still alive, believe you me.

I've been super busy with work. It's the same schedule every week (for once), but it's not any less hectic. I was trying to be done with my reception training >:p by this week, but it didn't happen. Mostly because the lady that has to sign off on it doesn't know that I know how to do most of the last few things. She tried to rearrange the schedule so I could work on the new stuff, but that didn't happen because she wasn't there to do make sure it happened. Ah well. Maybe I can shoot for this week.

I've had a lot of stress recently in a short period of time. I house/pet-sat for the Lane's on Saturday and Sunday. No big deal, right? Oh, the cats were fine, nothing out of the ordinary. It was the boredom. I get there after work, about 12:30 or so, feed the kitties, and thumb through their massive collection of DVDs to see if there are any that I've been wanting to see. I found a few, but settled on I Am Legend. Needless to say, for those who have seen it, it left me in a weird mood. I decided to play my video game, Tomb Raider Legend, to get me out of the odd feeling. I finished it in about 2 hours and messed around with it for another hour and a half before becoming bored. Then I put in a second movie, Tuck Everlasting. I think I had seen it before, but I couldn't remember, so I watched it. Good movie. A little more child-oriented than I remembered, but not bad at all.

Sunday morning, I packed up my Playstation 2 gaming system, my game, my pajamas, and my clothes from the previous day, all in about 10 minutes. It didn't take as long as I thought. My phone died and I forgot my phone charger, so I couldn't talk to my fiance. So I put in a movie, Evan Almighty. Not as good as Bruce, but still funny. I looked at the clock. I had to wait until noon before I could leave because the cats needed their lunch. I still had another two hours. So, surprisingly enough, I popped in another movie. This movie was called August Rush. By far one of the best movies I've seen in a while. It ended, I went home, I prepared to help Dad with dinner.

My Dad taught me how to make Butterflied broiled chicken with a reduction sauce. I did most of it while he talked me through it. It was AMAZING! I couldn't believe that I made most of the dinner. I was so proud of myself.

After dinner, I found myself again wandering through the land of boredom when Josh called me. We didn't really say much and were laying in silence when I asked a simple question that turned into an argument that lasted all the way to church and continued after church. A total of four hours was spent in this argument. What's weird is that Josh and I never fight, and rarely do we raise our voices with each other. The average level of volume of this fight was a heated discussion. Sometimes we talked, sometimes we yelled. But we fought and fought and didn't really get anywhere until the second half of the argument. We left the issue unresolved on good terms and agreed to bring it up again, without yelling, at a later date.

I was stressed about the argument when I got to church and then there was an incident at the Russia meeting that I do not want to say on here; it was small and insignificant, but hurtful, nonetheless. Josh sent a text saying that he was out to dinner so he'd call when he was done. I fumed the whole 15 minutes home and decided as I pulled into the driveway that I was going to take a walk. I went into the house, changed into a t-shirt, put tennis shoes on, put Emma on her leash, and left. I walked, with some jogging intermittently, for about four miles. I kept a decent pace through the entire walk, which was fueled solely by my anger, frustration, and hurt. By the time I got back to the house, I didn't feel those emotions anymore, which felt better, and I took a cold shower once I got home. Josh called just before I got in the shower, so I called him back when I got out. *insert second half of argument here* I was so stressed from the emotions that ran rampant all day and the physical distress that my body was in from overheating, that I couldn't eat dinner. I noticed when it got late that I hadn't eaten and forced myself to eat a 100 calorie snack bar. When my conversation with Josh ended, I went to sleep, crying.

Monday morning I wake up nauseated. I ran into the door on the way to the bathroom, I put my contacts in my eyes, and had to sit in front of the toilet for about 20 minutes because I was so dizzy and I thought I would toss my cookies. Silly me, thinking that since I hadn't eaten dinner the previous night that food would help, I ate three cocoa puffs. Boy, that was a mistake. More time was spent in front of the toilet as I texted a coworker. I asked her to let everyone know that I would not be in for work in the morning (I had to be at work at 7:30am - it was about 6:15am when I sent the message), but that I would try to be there at lunchtime. I went back to sleep and when I woke I felt loads better. I was careful with my movements and I ate a small quantity of a different type of cereal, packed a PBJ sandwich for later, and went to work.

I'm still feeling the effects of being sick yesterday morning. I can eat normal food and a normal portion, but my meal times are way screwed up. Anyway, that was my hectic weekend. I only hope that I will have your problem someday, MM, with not being able to remember the English words. I'm taking a German course right now, but I'm teaching myself and my teacher isn't very motivating. It's 9:23 - I need to eat dinner. Gute nacht.

I Haven't Written in a While

A ton has happened since I graduated. Just think...it's only been three weeks.

I bought my wedding dress on May 18. It is beautiful beyond comprehension and I look sublimely amazing in it (I can say sublimely - I looked it up). I won't post pictures on here because my fiancé has been known to visit here without warning. I don't want him to have to deal with the temptation of peeking. I will gladly show pictures to you in person - you only have to ask.

Josh left for North Carolina May 30 and he arrived this afternoon. He's there for an REU, Research Experience for Undergratuates. He's staying in a house provided by the school, UNCG (the University of North Carolina, Greensboro), and doesn't know how many roommates he'll have. He'll be there until the end of July. I'm going to try and fly over there a day or two before he leaves to see NC - I've never been there - and ride back with him. I ran this idea past my mother and she said that it sounded like a great idea, as long as I could afford the one-way ticket. Oh, another good thing about the NC thing is that all of Josh's travel expenses, gas, hotel, and food, will be reimbursed after his stay, in addition to his paycheck. His being gone will be difficult, but I bought a webcam with some of my graduation money so that we can see each other while chatting on the internet. We hope that it will make the time apart easier.

Josh and I have basically chosen Crossroads for our wedding venue. We haven't saved the date with the church yet, but it will be done before long. Mom still wants a certain seating arrangement for the wedding, but Josh and his mother don't like it at all. I wish I wasn't in the middle of it, as I don't really have a preference for the seating. A great thing about Crossroads is that there is no guest limit, which means we don't have to limit our guest list. Josh wants me to invite everyone I know. I'm not sure if I will or not.

I got a lot of ideas for my wedding when I was at the wedding of Jason and Sarah Aderholt this Saturday. I have a lot of do's and dont's that I picked up from talking with people, especially with Julie Zepp, who was the wedding coordinator. I'm hoping to have coffee with her sometime this month to talk over things.

I can't wait to start putting some of my ideas into action. I'm to the point where I don't want ideas anymore, I want things to happen. I want to say, this will happen, or we will have this or that in this place, etc. And I don't want to be the middle man in this planning thing. I want to have time with Josh to decide these things and I want them because we want them, not because Mother H or Mother G said so. Ideas and advice are fine, but if we don't want something and we tell you that, shut up about it.

John returned from Russia today and brought with him a lot of stories and some really cool presents. He gave William a wooden Morning Star, which for those of you who don't know, is what you would think of as a Mace. Apparently the two are different and John knows the differences, so if you're curious, just ask him. Anyway, Mom got a set of Babushka (sp?) dolls and they get REALLY tiny. Just when you think it can't get any smaller, the thing opens and reveals the tiniest little piece of carved and painted wood. It's amazing. He got me a beautiful knitted shawl, which changes shades from white to dark purple. It's thin, yet surprisingly warm. He got my dad the coolest thing ever. The base of the thing is basically a glass lens. What sits on the base is a glass orb with the solar system lasered into it, complete with all the planets, from the sun to Pluto. The details in this thing are incredible! Saturn has its rings, though Jupiter and Uranus don't. Earth looks like a globe and has the continents shaded in and even some longitudinal and latitudinal lines drawn on it. My favorite parts are that it shows the orbits of each planet, the sun is a flaming ball, and there are even stars scattered about. It's pretty much one of the top five coolest things I've seen.

Sorry I was so long to update. I have been busy with work and visiting venues and spending precious time with Joshua and I didn't have the time to sit down and write.

Lori, I need to get in touch with you and set up a time for coffee. I have a bunch of things I want to tell you and ask you.

To all, have a good night and a good Monday.

Graduated!

I am officially graduated from NCTC. Our diplomas will me mailed "within 8-10 weeks of graduation." I had a blast. I lucked out and a classmate from my English class was next to me in line. We sat there making fun of the whole thing, collecting ammunition for more jokes about the silly community college that acts like a four-year university.

Here were some of the funniest things:
...if we had a dollar for every time the word outstanding was used, we would have enough money for a nice celebration afterwards.
...the speaker talked about how he persevered to find the right piece of classic literature to quote at graduation. His piece? Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham. I am not kidding.
...the word outstanding was correctly spelled in the piece of paper contained in our diploma covers.
...the "NCTC Singers" sang a piece at graduation. It was about death.
...the NCTC Singers were not uniform at all. They did not wear the same color, and some of them held books while the rest didn't. Choir 101 - either every person has the music memorized or all of you hold books - the key is to be as uniform as possible.
...one of the board members said a prayer before the ceremony started. He prayed that God would give us good luck, he thanked God for making the big world smaller at the click of a mouse, and he never actually spoke to God.
...one of the ladies that introduced an extraordinary student actually said that she was "oustanding." She must have written the Dean's List papers.
...99% of the graduating students did not know that NCTC had an alma mater. Needless to say, the man at the front leading us all in the song was one of three people who sang.
...the honored (and ancient) Board members were constantly nodding off throughout the ceremony.

I am so glad I got to sit next to Catherine. I had a blast at my graduation and got a few good pictures out of it, too. Here they are:

Christina put my hat on at the restaurant, but she put it on backwards!
Getting in line to walk across the stage!

Receiving my diploma cover from a Board member.

I love this picture of me.

My awesome Grandmother! She and my Aunt drove for 4 hours to get there.

Have a great week, everybody!

I GRADUATE TOMORROW!

I GRADUATE TOMORROW!!! What more needs to be said? I'm done with school!

p.s. I wish there was something more forceful than an exclamation point to show my excitement!

Hate

I am struggling with hate issues. Last night at Bible study we went over Philippians 2 and it really convicted me. We talked about service vs. slavery, in that when someone performs a service, they usually expect something in return, whereas when someone is a slave, they don't expect anything for their work. Sure, the slave may get something for their actions, but they aren't expecting it. We were talking about how we need to be in "slavery" to people more often, in that we shouldn't expect someone to say thank-you for holding the door open for them, so that we aren't doing the right things for the wrong reasons. We were talking about how we needed to be in service/slavery to people that aren't nice to us, or our enemies, to put it in biblical terms.

Anyway, this really convicted me that I need to be in service to an acquaintance of mine.
I've known her for a long while, eight years, but the friendship has been mostly one-sided. I was not treated very well, but I kept loving her, helping her, taking care of her, and the like. You know, things that best friends do. We recently had a falling out when she started to bash my fiance and tell me all sorts of lies about him and my family and me. I was careful not to hurt her in return as she told me these things (do you have ANY idea how DIFFICULT that was?) and I told her simply that I was not going to be her friend anymore.

My problem now is, after a series of events, I hate her. I've never truly hated anyone. No one in this world should be able to be given so much and not improve at all. She doesn't care, she doesn't feel, and I hate her for it. I hate her for hurting me for so long and not caring. I hate her, and that scares me. I have had horrible dreams about her ever since that last conversation. I think I still do care somewhat, only because when you love someone you give them a piece of your heart. But I don't want these dreams and thoughts to continue. I want them to go away. I want to stop feeling this way toward her. I don't like bristling at the sound of her name, or something she says, or something that reminds me of her. I've prayed about it, I know I did the right thing, so why is this bothering me?

Graduation!

I graduate in 17 days! Woot! Needless to say, the senioritis is getting worse by the day. The larger the project, the worse the disease. I have an abstract, an annotated bibliography, and two pages of a research paper due Thursday. I need one more source for the bib, I didn't really fix the abstract, and I'm struggling to make myself write the half page that's left to make two pages. It's so hard to finish schoolwork at the end of the year. You'd think that the closer the end got, the harder you'd work to make it go away faster. The truth is, the closer the end gets, the harder it is to do the tasks. Maybe I'll go write the dance paper that's due tomorrow - that's easy enough. It'll make me feel like I got something done.

I need to call all of the family to invite them to the graduation ceremony, which is May 9. I picked up my cap and gown and tassel on Friday. I'm surprised at the color of the cap and gown - it's very pretty. I can't wait to be sitting in the auditorium listening to the boring speeches that precede the long list of names before mine, then walk across the stage, shake the hand of a man I don't even know, and hope to catch a glimpse of my family, friends, and favorite professor as I walk back to my seat. It's going to be so great!

Well, I need to force myself to work on my research paper. Talk to you later.

Dance, Josh, and Chris

I only called my dance teacher silly so I wouldn't use a bad word. I actually have several bad words to describe her. I don't understand her grading system at all. On the first test, I made a 79. I was livid, so say the least, because I had read all THREE chapters (twice) that the test covered, I studied my notes from class and the review that we had in class and I STILL made a 79. On the second test, I made a 114. There were a few extra credit questions, but I didn't get every problem on the test right. On this test, I made a 131. This time there were fewer extra credit questions and I got a few problems wrong. I don't know who she thinks she is, but she is not a good professor. Period. I'm convinced that the Dean that sat in on our class that day would have fired her if Sarah (a classmate) had not begged her to not to kill the class. I know it sounds as if I'm upset with my 100+ grades, which I'm not, but I don't know where the extra points came from, and I have no idea how I'm doing in the class. When teachers give bogus grades like that, it is impossible to track your grades. She doesn't grade the video papers like that, so why does she grade the tests like that?

My weekend with Josh was amazing. The honors ceremonies weren't too terribly boring. I got to spend a lot of time with his family; they came up on Saturday morning. Josh and I played Canasta with Nana and Paw on Saturday evening while his family was at their hotel. After lunch on Sunday, all of the family sat down together and we played Taboo. Taboo is quite possibly my all-time favorite party game.

I'm feeling bad for my best friend, Christina. She's feeling as if everyone around her is getting engaged. Most of the class before us is engaged and a few of our class are also engaged and she's feeling left out. Her boyfriend is acting strangely about the whole thing. From what it sounds like, to me, he's avoiding the whole engagement thing. He told her that once he got a firefighting job, he'd propose. He has that job now. Then he said that she had to get a job making $10-$12 an hour so that she could buy a car. A job that pays that well without a degree is hard enough to find, but when you don't have a car, it's next to impossible. Then he said that he has to save up for an apartment before he buys the ring because he's simply tired of living at his parent's house. I'm smart enough to know that more money can be saved faster when living at the parent's house. He seems to be putting everything in front of them being together and she's getting frustrated. Every time they talk about it, they get into an argument. I think he's being ridiculous. He's hurting her and he doesn't care. He's not trying to comfort her at all, he's not trying to encourage her; he's pursuing his own wants and desires. He says that he wants to marry her and that he can't wait, but he's not acting at all like he really feels that way. I'm not sure what to tell her. I want to make her feel better, but I can't. I don't know how to comfort her in this situation. It's also hard because she's my maid of honor, my florist, and my wedding planner. She wants to be all those things, but it also refreshes the feelings of jealousy and hurt. I really want to make her feel better but I don't know how. I'm sorry, Chris. I'm at a loss.

School and Work

My silly dance teacher walked into class eleven minutes late on Wednesday. She walked in the room and said, "Sorry I'm late. We're going to move the test to Friday and finish watching the Merce Cunningham video today." I was mad. When I prepare for a test, I want to take it. Two of my classmates didn't study (which they want me to do for them) so they opted to skip that day and take the makeup test instead. I told them it would be better not to, but they went anyway. I don't mind helping them study, but I'm not going to study for them. Partially why I was mad about the test being moved is because it gave those two a second chance. As I said before, I don't study for people. I will help them if they have questions, but they have to study on their own.

Part of why they don't study is because our professor talks through everything so fast that they claim they can't take notes, so they don't even try. They'll read a book or fall asleep or do other things. One of them actually does pay attention most of the time, but she doesn't ever take notes. They expect me to let them use my notes, since I'm their friend, to study from and I don't let them do it. I don't like that they expect it of me. It's just rude. And lazy.

I have not gotten much sleep the past two nights because of the storms. I'm noticing myself becoming more grouchy during the day and I don't like it. I try really hard not to be grouchy and just when I think I've got it controlled, I unexpectedly snap at someone. I don't like it when I'm this way and I'm trying my hardest to not be so irritable.

My English presentation went very well today. There were a few hitches in the technical department, but that's to be expected. Everyone said their lines really well, and though we didn't speak particularly fast, we got through the entire Sleepy Hollow Jeopardy game rather quickly. I'll post the pictures on here as soon as I get them. We had a blast.

I'm off to eat lunch before work. Speaking of work, I finished my VA tests, which means that that section of training is done, which means I get a fifty cent raise! WOOT!

I Got A New Haircut!

Here are some pics of the new 'do - which I am LOVING!







Christina recommended me to a woman named Mikki. I would recommend her to anyone. I brought some pictures and I told her what I was looking for. She did an excellent job on my hair. I am so happy with it. It looks great both up and down. I can't wait to play with it some more and see what I can do with it. I especially can't wait to show Josh this weekend! *grin*

Wish me luck on my dance test tomorrow!

Wedding Thoughts and Research Paper Ideas

Thank you all for your input. I needed to hear what people were thinking.

I haven't been planning anything recently. I don't want to become Bridezilla. I told myself not to mess with stuff until I graduate, which is in 33 days. The only things that HAVE to be done this summer is deciding on a place to get married, reserve it, and find the bridesmaid's dresses. Since two of my bridesmaids will be out of town for college during the school year, I figured this would be the easiest way to get it all worked out. At Christmas break we can get their dresses altered if necessary, then they'll be all set. I decided to save every penny I can over the summer before I shop for my dress, that way I'll have a better idea of how much I have to spend on it.

I told my idea to my parents and my mom thinks that it would be better for Josh to pay for something like the photographer, but this is all irrelevant anyway. Josh said that since he's paying for the honeymoon, and we're going to Germany for a week, and since he's paying for other things for the wedding such as his tux, gifts, and the like, that he would have too much on his plate, so to speak, without adding the cost of the place. I told him that if that was the case, that we'd more than likely get married at Crossroads, even though it's half of the estimated budget. He said he still wants to look at other places, but I really don't see myself getting married elsewhere, simply because of cost. If I had to pick a place, I really do think it would be Crossroads. We get the most for our money, really.

At first, I was completely opposed to getting married at Crossroads. I can't even tell you why. But the more I talked with people, and upon reflection of the two weddings that I've been to at Crossroads, the more I started to realize how much of a gem it is. We will have the auditorium that seats 800+ people, so we won't have to worry about the size of the guest list. We will have the cafe, the huge room upstairs, the foyer upstairs and downstairs, the kitchen, and decorations for everything. We'll have plenty of room for everyone and there are three different ways we could do the reception. It also has the added bonus of location; it's really easy to get to and find, plus a lot of the people attending will already know how to get there. We also know for sure that wherever we are, there'll be a decent sound system available. The pros really do outweigh the cons. It's insane - I never thought I would feel this way.

I have an appointment with a florist tomorrow afternoon to get a quote. Christina used to work for them and she recommended them highly. We're most likely going to buy the flowers individually and have a flower-making party two days before the wedding, and store the flowers in the church fridge, if possible, since it's so big.

Right now, I'm wishing that it was April, 2009. Then I'd be fixing all the little things, making hair and nail appointments, and trying on my dress in anticipation. I'd have my dress. I can't wait to find my dress. *daydreams about dress*

I have an abstract for a research paper to write. The abstract is due Tuesday, and I haven't thought of a topic for my research paper yet. I'm going to see if I could follow the essay question from our midterm - the professor said it was ok to do that. The essay question that I chose were, as horrible as it sounds, women's rights in the 1600s. I argued that since most of the colonials were Puritan, the "good" Puritan woman had three rights. 1: submit to the authority of her husband, basically, what he says, goes. 2: submit to God and worship Him as often as possible. 3: care for her children, regardless of her or her children's physical condition or circumstance.

I used Mary Rowlandson as my example of a "perfect" Puritan woman. For those of you who don't know who she is, she was taken captive by the Native Americans who raided her town. She watched as most of her family were brutally murdered. Her husband was out of town during the raid, and she had one child in her arms, who was shot as she ran from her burning house, where most of her family were burning to death. She carried her sick child until the little one died. She was about six when she died. Rowlandson continued on with the Indians on different "removes." She wasn't fed well and resorted to begging for food from the natives who weren't housing her. The family she was kept by didn't treat her well. The wife hated her and made her do all of the dirty work, and punished Rowlandson for begging for food. The husband more than likely raped her multiple times. She was eventually traded for some goods by a man who was in contact with her husband. She and her husband and the few children who survived continued to live in the colonies.

I was going to make an argument that another of the females that we read about was not a good Puritan woman because she was a business woman, which was a no no. She made a long journey that a lot of young men had a difficult time making, accompanied only by the mail men that traveled that route. She wore pants when she rode her horse. She had at least two children, but was never married, at least at the point in the story that we read.

We also read about another woman who was a good Puritan woman, though she did nothing daring but write poetry. She had eight children and used poetry as her getaway. She was devoted to her husband and worshiped God incessantly. She had a lot of tragedy in her life, but she never blamed God or turned away from Him.

I'm not sure where else I would go with the Puritan women's rights, but that's why preliminary research must be done, which I am supposed to be doing now. I suppose I'll get back to it. Sorry it took me so long to post again. Enjoy the sun!

Frustrating

So I can now officially pencil in July 17th as the date of our wedding. That's the most solid thing I have planned so far. I've been doing a lot of thinking, discussing, and crying, and that's all I have to show for it so far.

This wedding planning thing is frustrating, only because of the money. Once again, money is controlling my life. I'm frustrated mostly at my parents (when I say parents, I mean my mother, since she's the one doing all the talking). I'm frustrated because when Josh asked for their blessing, my mom asked how much time he thought they had. He told them summer 2009 is what he was shooting for as far as a wedding date went. Mom said, "Ok, then we have some time to save." Do you know how much they've saved for the wedding in three months? NOT A PENNY. To be honest, it hurts. Bad. The one thing they can do for me is to give me a decent, not cheap looking wedding. Do they even care? Probably, but they suck at showing it. It feels as if they don't love me enough to save. I know they love me because that's what parents do. I don't feel like they love me, not because they don't have money for me to get married with, but because the only time I hear "I love you" is when there's a chance that I could die, such as driving to Austin and back.

My mom tells me that she doesn't have a budget planned out because she doesn't know how much wedding stuff costs. I start to tell her, and she tells me that she can't afford it. I never said she could, or that she had to, I was just answering her question.

Also, Josh wants to help out, but I don't want my parents to get offended. I have an idea that might work, but Josh says that I should wait a little while before I ask my parents what they think about it. My idea is that since Josh wants to get married somewhere other than Crossroads, and since that will cost more money, that Josh will pick the place and he can pay for it. That way, he'll get to help, and my parents will have more money in the budget for things like a photographer and my killer dress.

That's another thing. I want a killer dress. I want everyone to gasp when they see me. I want my fiance's jaw to hit the floor when I walk down the aisle. I'm not going to lie...I want all the guys in the room to be jealous of Josh. I don't want to spend a fortune on it, but I don't want to have to limit myself to the clearance section of every bridal shop.

I'm cutting corners in little ways to help the overall cost. Josh doesn't want a grooms cake. I'm going to use all of the bouquets for centerpieces at the reception. I'm having simple, yet elegant bouquets with six or seven flowers total in the bouquet. Any candles that are on stage will also be used in the reception area. The wedding is at 2:00 in the afternoon to avoid mealtime. I plan on buying meat, cheese, vegetable, and fruit trays for the hor o'deurves (or however you spell it). I plan on making the punch. I'm going to make my own wedding invitations. I'm even contemplating purchasing the flowers as flowers and making the corsages and boutonnières and bouquets with Christina. Josh and I decided that we would be old fashioned and give ourselves (all of ourselves, if you know what I mean) to each other for our wedding gift. I'm sure I'll develop more ways to cut corners here and there, but I won't do anything in such a way as to make the wedding look cheap.

That is what is most important to both Josh and I. We don't want the wedding to look cheap. We don't want people walking in and thinking to themselves, "Wow, this is a cheap wedding," or, "Yep. This is a Hawkins' wedding." I want people to see elegance and romance. I want, at the end of the day, people to say to themselves, "That was a beautiful wedding," and, "I saw both of the couple's personalities in the wedding," and, "That wedding really fit the two of them."

I can't please both my mother and Josh at the same time. My mother says that she doesn't care, but it's a lie. Usually when she says that, it's to invoke a guilt trip and make me do what she wants. For instance, my brothers are going to be ushers in the wedding. I told Josh that his groomsmen were his choice and that if he had a spot open and he couldn't find anyone to fill it, if he would ask John to fill the spot. John means a lot to me and I want to give him the best position I can, which is usher. Mom said that if Josh's brother (age 12) gets to be a groomsman than my brothers should be in an equal position. I told her what I told Josh and that I didn't feel that I was wrong in handling the situation. She said that she wasn't going to say that she was unhappy if my brothers weren't in the wedding, but that she would have a problem with that fact. I told her that being an usher was being in the wedding, as much as possible, anyway. I asked John how he felt; I asked him if he wanted to be a groomsman. His answer was, "Not really. I was a groomsman once and I nearly passed out. I don't want to risk taking the attention off of you because I have to sit down so I won't pass out." I asked him if he minded being an usher and he said, "Not at all. That way I'm still part of your wedding and doing something useful without risking anything." John said he talked with mom about it, but she still looks at me funny if the topic comes up.

I'm trying to plan as much of my wedding now so that I won't have to worry about anything when it gets closer to the wedding. We'll see how that works out.

I'm still praying about the Russia trip. I hope God tells me what I need to do quickly. Tom is starting to get on my nerves.

ENORMOUS NEWS!!!

As of Saturday, March 15th, Josh and I are engaged! He proposed at the highest point in Winter Park, on Parsenn Bowl. How did he do it? I'll tell you. I am afraid of heights, so the chair lifts always bother me, but even worse when it's windy, so going above the tree line was a feat for me. We got to the top and I was looking around at the beautiful scenery. Josh told me how cool it was that he and I met each other four years ago at the bottom of this mountain and now we're at the top. Then he said that I had blossomed beautifully and that he had blossomed in his own way, too. He said that it was neat that we had both blossomed even though we had grown in two different flower beds. Then he asked if I would like to share a flower bed. I said that I would, though I was thinking, "Yeah, one of these days." Then he started to fumble around in his coat pocket. All I could think was, "No way." He got down on one knee, with his snowboard still attached to his foot, and said, "Julie Ann, will you marry me?" Of course I pulled the typical girl response without even thinking and held my hands in front of my mouth and started to cry. I said yes and hugged him, then kissed him. He asked if I wanted to put it on then, and I did, so I did. It was too big for my ring finger, so to be safe I wore it on my middle finger until I got it sized.

Apparently he had been planning to do this for two years. Two years ago when we went to Winter Park with the church group as chaperons, he tried to get the group of us to go up to the bowl. I didn't want to go, so Kelley stayed with me in the warming hut. Josh said that at that moment, he decided that the top of the bowl was where he was going to propose to me. When we talked with Nathan this year about going as chaperons again, he said that he didn't need any more. Luckily, Josh planned for such an occasion and started saving two years ago for a ski trip. And a ring. He asked my parents for their blessing under the guise of him asking if it was ok for me to go skiing with him. They, of course, gave him their blessing. This was back in January. My parents gave me no indication that they knew, nor did his parents. I was completely blindsided. I had no idea whatsoever. It was amazing and ultra romantic.

We're getting married next summer, 2009. I'm trying to get as much planning done as I can as soon as I can so that I know when I need to get things done by. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, but to take my time in doing things. Right now my primary concern is reserving a place. Josh isn't too happy about using Crossroads because he doesn't think it will be pretty enough. I'm not too keen on Crossroads either, but if it's the cheapest place, we may have to settle for it. I've been researching wedding chapels online and there are a few that I would like to visit. Planning this wedding without Josh is going to be difficult, especially since he wants a say in things. He'll be in North Carolina most of the summer and at school the rest of the time between summers. I'm sure we'll be able to work everything out, though.

I can't wait to be married. I can't wait to take care of him and love him every day, to cook for him and clean up after him and even do his laundry! I know it sounds silly, but loving my husband in the little ways is what I want to do. Until then, I'll take care of my fiance to the best of my abilities.

I have to work tomorrow, so I should get to sleep. I'll talk to you all later!

Exciting Weekend!

This weekend, the second half of my Christmas present is being given to me. My amazing boyfriend is taking me to Winter Park, CO for a long weekend of skiing! We leave Thursday and come back on Monday. I LOVE to ski, as does he; we met on the slopes. Not really on the slopes, but we were both on the church ski trip. I am going to challenge myself and get my skiing level up. The plan is to ski nothing but blues. It's going to be great! I am so excited it's not even funny.

I submitted a piece for the April Perennial Writing Contest, the one I won fourth place in two years ago. I'll post it later if you like. If it wins, I'll definitely post it on here.

I won't post until our return. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!

Brief Update

My weekend with Josh was amazing! It was the best Valentine's Day ever (even though it wasn't on Valentine's).

I've been sick all weekend and don't really feel up to a long update, so I'll summarize.

The Dean of Staff at my school talked to Sarah, the classmate who has had the most problems with the teacher, and spoke with her about what the teacher was doing and so on. The Dean volunteered her time that day to sit in class and observe the teacher. From what Sarah said, the Dean wasn't pleased with the teacher at all. I suppose Monday's class will be an interesting one.

I took the test in dance even though I had vomited that morning and could barely stand up without getting dizzy. That was an experience.

I'm feeling better now. I'm able to hold down food. I can't stand up for long periods of time. I can't eat large quantities of food. I'm still on the bland diet that the doctor told me to be on. I hope I feel well enough to go to Pinewood tomorrow. We'll see.

Russia stuff is crazy. John is now on the team, which means the Hawkins' have to raise $7,000. NOT fun. It also seems not very likely, either.

I can't wait for spring break. Can't wait.

68 days 'til graduation!!!

I get to see my boyfriend in a week and a half! I'm so excited! I can't wait. We're going to celebrate Valentine's that weekend, too. It will be fun as always to see Nana and Paw and their dog, Dudley, and play Canasta and maybe Phase 10 with them. I love going to see Nana and Paw. I always have so much fun there.

I don't really have much to post about. We had a mutiny in our dance class on Monday. That was fun. I really hate it when the students (all but two of whom agree) try to make a suggestion to a teacher and all they do is fight and act all defensive. It's a long story that I'd rather not get into again. Let's just say that the professor is making the tests way hard and not lecturing on the information at all, and doesn't think that she's doing anything wrong. If she doesn't change at all in two weeks, a few of us from class might go to the Dean with it. If my grades suffer because of the way that the class is taught, I'll just drop the class. That may sound arrogant, but consider this: on the last test, I read all four chapters, twice, that the test covered, I was there for the review, and I studied my notes. I guessed on about half of the questions. That should NEVER happen. If a student performs all of the necessary study duties and is still confused on the test, then there is something wrong with the way the professor is teaching. I really hope that the professor changes the way she's teaching because I would like to keep my record of never having dropped a class.

Comments

You know, blogging is only therapeutic when people comment.

*subliminal message: Comments are EXTREMELY encouraged*

That is all.

I HATE Girls

That's right. I said it. I HATE GIRLS. They're moody, uncontrollable, and hard as hell to figure out. I have girl problems. I always have. Girls cause drama. I hate drama. Apparently it is a requirement that I can not have a girl friend without them hating me at some point. Most of them have left me. Another one might. Christina, you might as well get out while you can. No, I'm not a boy, and no, I'm not a lesbian. I AM a girl and I can't figure us out. They usually get mad at me over something stupid. Like right now, I have a friend who ignored me completely at the Super Bowl party that the college group had; it was so bad that she called a friend of hers so that she could have someone to talk to (she admitted to that one). All this because she thinks that I stole the credit for a recipe that she brought. DRAMA CENTRAL. I hate drama. Let me say it a third time. I HATE drama.

I had a horrid week last week. Absolutely horrible. It started on Monday and only got worse from there. Homework on top of homework on top of reading assignments on top of programming assignments on top of the need to write letters for Russia and a bunch of other stuff that I don't feel like typing out. Wednesday night my computer was acting funny and I knew I had a virus of some sort. Friday morning, it was discovered that I had one spyware, one adware, and FOUR (4) trojans on my system. Thanks to my parents (I mean both of them this time), my system is back up and running, trojan and virus free. Huzzah!

Sigh.

I'm tired of being stressed and/or sick and/or upset. Why can't I just live a relatively stress-free life by going to class, going to work, and seeing my boyfriend about once a month (maybe that's part of it?)? Seriously though, I wish my life weren't so stressful. For whatever reason, it's the little things that bug me. Like the fight with my girl friend. The subject of the fight isn't worth anything. It's stupid. Just like everything else, it's an iceberg. There's way more stuff underneath that's the cause of the stress or argument. I thought life wasn't supposed to get hard until after college.

Well, I seem to have acquired another headache, so I will have to leave for now. I should be able to post either tomorrow or Friday. Maybe both will happen. Who knows?

Let Me Take You There

Plain White T's

Listen Here (CTRL + click)

I know a place that we can go to
A place where no one knows you
They won't know who we are
I know a place that we can run to
And do those things we want to
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there

I know a place that we'd forgotten
A place we won't get caught in
They wont know who we are
I know a place where we can hide out
And turn our hearts inside out
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there

I know a place we'll be together
A stay this young forever
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there

We can get away
To a better place
If you just let me take you there
We can go there now
'Cause every second counts
Girl just let me take you there

Take you there

Life Check

It's been almost a week since I posted last...

I've been working a lot. At least it feels like a lot. I got my paycheck today. Much to my surprise, it was more than I thought it would be, so I won't have a problem buying all of my remaining textbooks or filling up my car. That made my day so much better.

For whatever reason, I've been tired very recently. Everyone at work has been too, so I'm blaming El Niño...I mean, the weather. I can also blame the fact that I haven't been sleeping very well. I've had these weird dreams that kept my mind very active so I felt as if I hadn't gotten any sleep that night.

My muscles are sore from working out. My legs are feeling more muscular to the touch, but they only look different if I flex. It's weird. I'm not any closer to winning my toning contest with Josh and we're just over halfway through it. I'll find a way to beat him, just you wait.

I have some homework to do. I'll post in a day or two if I can.

Busy at Work

I was at work from 7:30 to 16:00 today. I stayed between shifts and watched the videos that I need to see (or in my case, re-see) to pass my veterinary assistant training. Susan is making me re-take all of my VA training. It's really stupid. After I finish my VA training I'll get a 50 cent raise. That'll help with the money stuff. I've been a lot less stressed today. I think working helps to take my mind off of things.

This week has felt so long. It feels like school will never be over. I think I have "senioritis" even though I'm not completely finished with school. A lack of desire to even be in class is present. Even Souder's class isn't as fun as it used to be; I blame the fact that I'm the only Souderite left in the class. Souder, my English teacher, had a group of about 7 students that followed her from the time she started teaching English at NCTC to the time they left the school. Every class that she taught, they took as many as possible. We call ourselves Souderites. Some of us have followed her to another school that she teaches at. She's just that great of a teacher; to have a following that loyal is incredible.

I have to admit that I'm surprised at the lack of commenting. I go through this huge, serious, i-need-comments-to-know-what-to-do-or-at-least-know-that-people-care ordeal, and I get nothing. I know I didn't post that often, but i figured someone would have checked within the past week.

Anyhoo, I hope you all are doing alright. Have a great weekend!

Money Sucks

I hate money. I hate the fact that the whole world depends on it. I hate that it is absolutely required for life to be lived. I hate that everyone needs it, wants it, and can't get enough of it. I hate that there are some of us that don't have it and may not get to work the next day because they don't have it to put gas in their car.

Sorry. I'm a little panicked right now. Money is extremely tight right now. I had to use all of my savings (the pitiful amount that was there) to buy one text book that my teacher said we needed ASAP. We didn't even use it on Wednesday, the second day of class. I need three more textbooks and I don't get paid for a week. My Dad's paycheck comes in on Friday, but my parents are so far in the red that they may use most of it to bring themselves up to even. I don't have enough money in my account to put a half-tank of gas in my car and my gas light is on. My next paycheck will be superb since I will have covered other people's shifts for them, but payday isn't until next Thursday.

Grr! Frustration! Panic!

I've prayed about it. I've tried not to worry. It's stressful. I work the next three days in a row. I can only buy $20 worth of gas. I hate being poor (by American standards). It feels like a curse. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this, but it wasn't anything that I did. My parents screwed up years ago. They're the ones being punished for their mistake, but it affects more than just them.

Money sucks.

First Day of Class

Today was a busy day. I went to my weight training class, prepared to have to sit through the explanation of the syllabus. I wasn't even through the door when the professor looked at me and told me that I didn't have to listen to the syllabus, so I could just go work out. I didn't bring any clothes, so I went home and changed, then worked out. The parking lot at the school (which is across the street from the gym) was packed, so I ended up staying in the parking lot by the gym and walked to school from there. The walk isn't a bad one at all and I don't mind it. Anyway, I had to go straight from school to work, where I changed again into my work uniform. Work was completely uneventful, though I did get to see my first x-ray of puppies inside the womb. After work I changed back into my real clothes, got some dinner at Sonic, and went to Bible study.

Life is frustrating. Money is really tight for my family and for myself at the moment, so we have no money to buy my school books with. I'm not sure how I'm going to get the supplies that I need. I need staff paper for my music class and two journals on top of the textbooks needed. I'm too tired to fuss about it right now.

Here's my class schedule, then I'm going to bed:

MWF:
9:30-10:50 - Weight Training II (only on MW, not on F)
11:00-11:50 - Music Fundamentals
13:00-14:00 - Dance Apppreciation
TR:
9:30-10:50 - American Lit (with my favorite English professor, Donna Souder!)
18:00-21:00 - Game and Simulation (a computer programming class, on T only)

This should be an interesting last semester at NCTC. I'm glad I get to end it with Souder. She's the best professor ever.

Hallo Poppets!

I'm a happy girl right now. Brent, I'll whine later when I need to.

I received a piece of mail last night which contained another Dean's Honor List award. It says, "(my name) is formally recognized for oustanding academic performance..." Did you catch it? Oustanding. They misspelled outstanding on both of my award certificates. Come on, NCTC, we're honor students - did you really think we wouldn't notice? I'm going to inform the school about it so they don't look quite so silly.

Not much else has been happening. I've been working a lot this week - so far every night except Monday. I've covered one co-worker's shift for her and I'm covering someone else this afternoon. I don't mind, though. I enjoy my job.

Josh leaves on Sunday. That'll be hard. It's always hard going back into the grind after a long break. It'll be difficult only seeing him once or twice a month again. I'll fall back into the routine eventually.

Speaking of Josh, I'm about to go over to his house and have lunch with him. He wants to play a game called Four Score or something like that. I'll talk to you all later! Tschüss!

New Year's Update

Happy New Year! 2008 has arrived and I just got used to writing 2007. *shrugs*

A LOT has happened since I wrote last. My birthday was bittersweet. I had a great day and spent most of it with my best friend, who treated me to lunch and shopping. No, I didn't go out and get drunk, and no, I didn't have a keg party either. I'm not the typical 21 year old.

The bad part about my birthday was that my boyfriend's grandfather, Ron Gunter, died. He had a heart attack while he was playing tennis. He was only 71 years old. He and his wife live in Mineola, Texas, so Josh and I drove back and forth on Thanksgiving and the day after. His family stayed the whole time and needed Josh to take care of their dogs since boarding had been booked up for weeks. Thanksgiving was interesting. We still had dinner, most of which was donated by the neighbors, and we still had fun, but there was a cloud that hung over everyone. It's probably because we couldn't hear Papaw laughing or telling a joke. We had the funeral the next day. It was a disappointment in my opinion (and Josh's too). I think Papaw would have been disappointed. The preacher guy made fun of Papaw and turned the service into a sermon. It was awful. Seeing Papaw in the casket was an experience for me. I've seen people in caskets before, but Papaw looked as if at any second he'd just sit up and yell, "Gotcha!" It was his personality to do that. He loved pulling pranks. I only knew him for 3 1/2 years, but I still miss him. I saw him more than my own grandfather. It'll be tough celebrating birthdays and holidays without him, but we'll get used to it. I feel bad for Memaw.

Nothing much happened between then and Christmas. Christmas was awesome! I got nearly everything I wanted, and so did my brothers. The best part was that I got to spend a lot of time with my family and my future family. My family stayed at home and the Gunters went to Aunt Kim's the day after Christmas. We all had a blast, as we usually do when we go there.

I've been hanging out with Christina more often lately. I'm really glad that we can just pick up our friendship where it left off even though we hadn't seen each other in months. She's a great friend.

I suppose that's all. I have a TON of stuff I could whine about, but nobody likes to hear that stuff. I'm trying to stay more positive and not be bitter. It doesn't always work, but I keep trying anyway. You all have a great week!