Sidenote: I might go to Russia this summer. If I do, I need all the money before I go. Almost $3,000 before June 22. Pray for me whether or not to go and if I do go, that I can get the money before then.
Current mood:
I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
Chorus
I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
Verse 2
And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Bridge
Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...
I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...
Chorus
Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden
It's not been a week and I miss him already. What will I do with myself?
Montag, Mai 22, 2006
Sonntag, Mai 21, 2006
The Radio Knows
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
Lovesong by the Cure
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
Lovesong by the Cure
Samstag, Mai 20, 2006
Happy Birthday
Today I turn 19 and a half. 19 1/2. Crazy. In six months I'll be 20. No longer a teenager. Scary.
Donnerstag, Mai 18, 2006
Much Needed Update
Well, folks, he's gone. He's already made his change in Toronto from Canadian Air to Lufthansa. He's in the air right now and will land at 12:00 tonight our time, or 7:00 am there. I watched him walk through security at 11:30 this morning. Tears were welling up in my eyes, but I told myself not to cry until I got to the car, so he couldn't see me crying.
I can't wait to see the pictures he'll take and read his e-mails about all the stuff he's doing, all of his classes and trips and things of that nature. I can't wait to hear his voice again. I'd like to say that I already miss him, but I don't know how accurate that would be. I miss him not being twenty minutes from my house. I miss calling him. I miss being able to send him text messages for free.
I'm so unbelievably proud of him. I asked him if he was excited, of course he was. I asked him if he was scared, he was a little. I so badly wanted to go with him, to help him get there, to make sure he was safe. I can't imagine what his mother is going through. Sandy's busy, she's probably not thinking about it too much; I could be wrong.
You should have seen me at lunch today. I ate two chicken enchiladas, half of the rice that came with the dinner, two glasses of water, and scarfed the dessert of cinnamon sopapillas, all in about twenty minutes. It doesn't sound like much, but the dinner was pretty big, plus dessert on top of that; it was a lot of food and I ate it very fast (for me, anyway). Between seven and ten minutes of that time was spent waiting for the dessert to come. Now, when I should be hungry, the thought of food makes me nauseated. I bought a little danish thing from work before I left because I felt hungry. The instant I picked it up out of the vending machine, I knew I couldn't eat it. Usually I'll eat a snack like that on the way home from work. It's sitting on my bedside table, wrapper unopened.
Also I'll start crying randomly, sometimes it's in the split second of time that I thought about work and not Josh. I keep drinking more and more water, as if I'm dehydrated. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I don't. Classic signs of Julie in grieving. I'm the only one I know who can actually cry herself to dehydration. It's all been in little spurts throughout the day, but I still manage it somehow.
The past five days have been great though. Saturday I got to hang out with Josh afterall. His mom had been cooking for the past two days for the company that they had the following day. We had dinner at his house and were about to watch a movie, but we went to his friend from high school J.P.'s house and swam and watched family guy since J.P. invited us over.
Sunday Josh's aunt Kim, cousin Eric, Eric's wife Emily, Eric and Emily's baby Maddie, Josh's grandpa Paw, Josh's other grandpa Papaw and Papaw's wife Memaw all came over to celebrate Mother's Day and to have a late celebration for Josh's 19th birthday. My family took my mom out for lunch that day before Josh's family's party. She had a good time and she liked her present.
On Monday Josh's immediate family and I went to Six Flags for the afternoon. It was fun. We didn't ride too many big rides since Austin was recovering from strep and Lindsey doesn't like roller coasters. We still had a good time and got worn out, too. Josh and I watched a movie after we got home.
Tuesday was Josh's and my two year anniversary. Two years. Can you believe it? Josh took me to Stonebriar mall in Frisco where we ate lunch at Chili's, followed by a movie, RV. It was a funny movie, not Robin Williams' best, but it was pretty good. After the movie, Josh took me to the place we were there for in the first place, The Cheesecake Factory. For those of you who don't know, the only reason I turn down cheesecake is if I physically cannot eat it, or if I'll throw up by doing so. In other words, cheesecake is my favorite dessert and Josh taking me there was like heaven. I got the Chocolate Truffle Raspberry Cheesecake. It was rich and to die for. Then he told me that we were going to find me something cute, so we went shopping. We found nothing after searching half of the mall, so he took me to Kohl's. He bought me three shirts, two of which he found for me. Then we went home, ate dinner, and watched a movie.
Yesterday I went shopping with Josh and Sandy (his mom) to get him clothes for Germany and for school in fall. I got my feathers ruffled a little bit by the shopping experience, but overall it was good. We found I think seven pairs of khakis and two shirts that he can layer with each other. Then we went home and unpacked from Austin and packed for Germany. I got Josh's clothes rolled and folded as needed and set everything aside for him to put in his bag while he got his backpack unpacked and packed again. We got him all set and ready to go. He seemed to like the "care package" I made for him. It's a messenger bag with his favorite snack foods, envelopes, pens, paper, a letter from me, money for calling cards, and a couple of pictures of me that he hasn't seen before. He saw that there were not only Reese's Pieces but Sour Skittles as well and he had to kiss me for it. We went to the bookstore and he bought sequels to Ender's Game, his mom bought a cookbook and I bought Memoirs of A Geisha. I'm borrowing Ender's Game from him, so I'll read that first.
You already heard about today, in too much detail, most likely. I hope this grieving thing doesn't last too long. I usually get sick because of it and my boss (the one above my Mom) is already asking me when I can put in forty hour weeks (even though I started that last Wednesday).
I suppose I'll stop talking and let you people get on with your lives. I read something today, it was about finances, but it applies to anything, really. "Don't take the easy road to anything, because everything worth having in life takes a long, hard time to get..." Adreka Majors said that and she's right. I'm finding this to be true. Have fun, kids.
Tschüss.
I can't wait to see the pictures he'll take and read his e-mails about all the stuff he's doing, all of his classes and trips and things of that nature. I can't wait to hear his voice again. I'd like to say that I already miss him, but I don't know how accurate that would be. I miss him not being twenty minutes from my house. I miss calling him. I miss being able to send him text messages for free.
I'm so unbelievably proud of him. I asked him if he was excited, of course he was. I asked him if he was scared, he was a little. I so badly wanted to go with him, to help him get there, to make sure he was safe. I can't imagine what his mother is going through. Sandy's busy, she's probably not thinking about it too much; I could be wrong.
You should have seen me at lunch today. I ate two chicken enchiladas, half of the rice that came with the dinner, two glasses of water, and scarfed the dessert of cinnamon sopapillas, all in about twenty minutes. It doesn't sound like much, but the dinner was pretty big, plus dessert on top of that; it was a lot of food and I ate it very fast (for me, anyway). Between seven and ten minutes of that time was spent waiting for the dessert to come. Now, when I should be hungry, the thought of food makes me nauseated. I bought a little danish thing from work before I left because I felt hungry. The instant I picked it up out of the vending machine, I knew I couldn't eat it. Usually I'll eat a snack like that on the way home from work. It's sitting on my bedside table, wrapper unopened.
Also I'll start crying randomly, sometimes it's in the split second of time that I thought about work and not Josh. I keep drinking more and more water, as if I'm dehydrated. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I don't. Classic signs of Julie in grieving. I'm the only one I know who can actually cry herself to dehydration. It's all been in little spurts throughout the day, but I still manage it somehow.
The past five days have been great though. Saturday I got to hang out with Josh afterall. His mom had been cooking for the past two days for the company that they had the following day. We had dinner at his house and were about to watch a movie, but we went to his friend from high school J.P.'s house and swam and watched family guy since J.P. invited us over.
Sunday Josh's aunt Kim, cousin Eric, Eric's wife Emily, Eric and Emily's baby Maddie, Josh's grandpa Paw, Josh's other grandpa Papaw and Papaw's wife Memaw all came over to celebrate Mother's Day and to have a late celebration for Josh's 19th birthday. My family took my mom out for lunch that day before Josh's family's party. She had a good time and she liked her present.
On Monday Josh's immediate family and I went to Six Flags for the afternoon. It was fun. We didn't ride too many big rides since Austin was recovering from strep and Lindsey doesn't like roller coasters. We still had a good time and got worn out, too. Josh and I watched a movie after we got home.
Tuesday was Josh's and my two year anniversary. Two years. Can you believe it? Josh took me to Stonebriar mall in Frisco where we ate lunch at Chili's, followed by a movie, RV. It was a funny movie, not Robin Williams' best, but it was pretty good. After the movie, Josh took me to the place we were there for in the first place, The Cheesecake Factory. For those of you who don't know, the only reason I turn down cheesecake is if I physically cannot eat it, or if I'll throw up by doing so. In other words, cheesecake is my favorite dessert and Josh taking me there was like heaven. I got the Chocolate Truffle Raspberry Cheesecake. It was rich and to die for. Then he told me that we were going to find me something cute, so we went shopping. We found nothing after searching half of the mall, so he took me to Kohl's. He bought me three shirts, two of which he found for me. Then we went home, ate dinner, and watched a movie.
Yesterday I went shopping with Josh and Sandy (his mom) to get him clothes for Germany and for school in fall. I got my feathers ruffled a little bit by the shopping experience, but overall it was good. We found I think seven pairs of khakis and two shirts that he can layer with each other. Then we went home and unpacked from Austin and packed for Germany. I got Josh's clothes rolled and folded as needed and set everything aside for him to put in his bag while he got his backpack unpacked and packed again. We got him all set and ready to go. He seemed to like the "care package" I made for him. It's a messenger bag with his favorite snack foods, envelopes, pens, paper, a letter from me, money for calling cards, and a couple of pictures of me that he hasn't seen before. He saw that there were not only Reese's Pieces but Sour Skittles as well and he had to kiss me for it. We went to the bookstore and he bought sequels to Ender's Game, his mom bought a cookbook and I bought Memoirs of A Geisha. I'm borrowing Ender's Game from him, so I'll read that first.
You already heard about today, in too much detail, most likely. I hope this grieving thing doesn't last too long. I usually get sick because of it and my boss (the one above my Mom) is already asking me when I can put in forty hour weeks (even though I started that last Wednesday).
I suppose I'll stop talking and let you people get on with your lives. I read something today, it was about finances, but it applies to anything, really. "Don't take the easy road to anything, because everything worth having in life takes a long, hard time to get..." Adreka Majors said that and she's right. I'm finding this to be true. Have fun, kids.
Tschüss.
Dienstag, Mai 09, 2006
Current Mood : Hopeless Acceptance
Have you ever known that something was going to happen and you're both happy and sad about it but whenever you think about it all you do is hurt and cry; it's almost a depression of sorts. I'm so happy and so very excited for him. I love him dearly...I guess that's why it hurts so badly. Nine days and counting.
Mittwoch, Mai 03, 2006
Don't Know What To Think
I just had a spat with Josh over classical music. He says that it cannot convey a message in such a way that every person knows exactly what the composer is talking about, like lyrical music does. I say that the composer has the capability of conveying as much specificity as he likes, such as watching a leaf fall from a tree or a snowflake falling from a window. Josh says that is my interpretation of it and that all the composer can do is convey a general, vague image that some people get and some don't. We had this discussion for over 20 minutes. I got tired of arguing and said to stop talking about it. He kept going. I told him I'd hang up if he didn't stop talking about it. He told me I wouldn't hang up. He kept going. So I hung up. Now I feel horrible. I don't hang up on people for any little thing. But when I say what I did in my head, "You hung up with him over a disagreement in music," all I can do is cry. I know I'm passionate about music and I can't stand people ragging on things that I love and that I'm passionate about, but following through on my threat now seems regrettable.
I know that he and I both take hang-ups seriously, which is why I followed through on it. He was downing on something that I love, he wasn't listening to me, I figured that if I followed through with my threat that he would know I was serious about what I was saying to him. But now I feel awful. I cried before because he hurt me. Now I'm crying because I hurt him. If tough love is what I was going for, I can't do it anymore. It doesn't just hurt the one you're being tough to.
It seems small now, in the wave of sorrow that has flooded me, but this morning I found out that I won't see my math teacher again this semester. She gave us our test grades back and on them she wrote our average from the semester and our letter grade. She told us that if there was an A on there, then she didn't want to see us again. My test grade: 103. My average for the semester: 102.25. I don't have to be in class on Friday - I placed out of the final.
If I recieve an e-mail from my Music Appreciation teacher by Friday morning, I don't have to be in class on Friday - I've placed out of the final. With Mrs. Walter, to place out of the final we have to have a B or better and not missed more than three classes. I'm pretty sure I'll get the e-mail. Even if I don't that's only two finals to study for and they're both on Monday.
Mrs. Souder doesn't give a final. She spends class time, she takes roll, the school's happy. Last semester we just had a party. This semester, my group and the one we combined with (we call ourselves the Soopa Group) are making our presentation on final day.
I have a lot of homework to do. I'm going to try and get some of it done, at least the stuff that's due tomorrow. Tschüss.
I know that he and I both take hang-ups seriously, which is why I followed through on it. He was downing on something that I love, he wasn't listening to me, I figured that if I followed through with my threat that he would know I was serious about what I was saying to him. But now I feel awful. I cried before because he hurt me. Now I'm crying because I hurt him. If tough love is what I was going for, I can't do it anymore. It doesn't just hurt the one you're being tough to.
It seems small now, in the wave of sorrow that has flooded me, but this morning I found out that I won't see my math teacher again this semester. She gave us our test grades back and on them she wrote our average from the semester and our letter grade. She told us that if there was an A on there, then she didn't want to see us again. My test grade: 103. My average for the semester: 102.25. I don't have to be in class on Friday - I placed out of the final.
If I recieve an e-mail from my Music Appreciation teacher by Friday morning, I don't have to be in class on Friday - I've placed out of the final. With Mrs. Walter, to place out of the final we have to have a B or better and not missed more than three classes. I'm pretty sure I'll get the e-mail. Even if I don't that's only two finals to study for and they're both on Monday.
Mrs. Souder doesn't give a final. She spends class time, she takes roll, the school's happy. Last semester we just had a party. This semester, my group and the one we combined with (we call ourselves the Soopa Group) are making our presentation on final day.
I have a lot of homework to do. I'm going to try and get some of it done, at least the stuff that's due tomorrow. Tschüss.
Montag, Mai 01, 2006
Invisible?
Do you ever have those days where you feel as if you're invisible and although you're in a crowd you're alone?
Happy Birthday!
Today is Josh's 19th birthday. Everyone, on three. One... two... three... Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Josh. Happy birthday to you! *applause* Congratulations Josh for making it to your last teenage year. I'm so proud of you for all of your many accomplishments.
Also, congratulations to Josh Crowder for snagging a fiance! My older brother is getting married. It's scary in a way, but so much more joyous than scary. I'm so glad you found someone who you can share the rest of your life with. Congratulations to you and Kacie and may you have a long life together.
I'm in a good mood today. I like good moods. They're fun.
I can't wait until Lara gets home. She's coming home this weekend and I am so excited to have her back! Finally my friend is coming home. I miss her in ways that I cannot describe.
I don't really have anything else to say, so I'll end with this quote from Chase.
"Believing in decaf coffee is like believing in solar powered flashlights."
Also, congratulations to Josh Crowder for snagging a fiance! My older brother is getting married. It's scary in a way, but so much more joyous than scary. I'm so glad you found someone who you can share the rest of your life with. Congratulations to you and Kacie and may you have a long life together.
I'm in a good mood today. I like good moods. They're fun.
I can't wait until Lara gets home. She's coming home this weekend and I am so excited to have her back! Finally my friend is coming home. I miss her in ways that I cannot describe.
I don't really have anything else to say, so I'll end with this quote from Chase.
"Believing in decaf coffee is like believing in solar powered flashlights."
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