Yuck!

I'm down today. Something grabbed a hold of my stomach and it's making my stomach very upset. I've managed to keep my cookies, but I'm having a hard time eating without feeling otherwise. I've been able to keep this at bay for months now - I'm proud of myself. Mom thinks the nausea is due to my headaches. I think it's the leftover sub I ate yesterday, possibly in conjunction with a serious lack of sleeping well. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm feeling a little better this morning. Had a nice long talk with Josh - that helped me feel better.

My abstract for my research paper and 20 source annotated bibliography are due at midnight. My goal is to have the bibliography to my teacher by class on Thursday morning. This is why: I'm having to discard my old abstract completely and go with a new idea, which I'm fine with. What I'm not fine with is the incredible amount of work that has to go into this new topic. I've been working for the past four days trying to gather information so that I can write my abstract.

My research paper is a rhetorical analysis of the significance of the word beat in David Auburn's Proof. I've read through the play three times now and watched the movie and I still have no clue as to the meaning. My biggest lead is that it is some sort of pause, but having a beat in the middle of dialogue doesn't always match with that idea. Whenever a beat is in the middle of Claire's speaking, she always changes the subject afterwards. Whenever a beat in in the middle of Robert's speaking, more often than not he changes who he's speaking to, but theory doesn't hold when he's only talking to Catherine. Hal doesn't always change his tone or what he's speaking about when it occurs within his line. It only appears mid-sentence in Catherine's speech twice out of the 32 times it's in mid-sentence. The word beat is mentioned 111 times in the entire play, and I have each instance of which written down, which line it occurs in, what's in the paragraph before it, and what's in the paragraph after it. AND I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT MEANS!!!!

I looked up the stage meaning of beat, and found that it is the smallest division of action in a play, the length of time necessary for a character to play an "objective" (also called intention) from beginning to end, a very short pause, a deliberate pause for effect or measure of time when cueing, or a unit of action in a scene, which is made up of a series of beats. I found the definitions from various websites from a Google Search. I suppose my pause theory could be true, but now I have to come up with an abstract saying that that's what my paper is about. I have to come up with an 8-10 page research paper about nothing but that, and I have to come up with an annotated bibliography containing 20 sources which support my theory in ways other than the word beat in Proof because this idea is completely original; all before MIDNIGHT TONIGHT!!!!!! Minus the paper. That's not due 'til sometime in May. But still, the idea has to be there.

So that's been on my mind recently. My headaches haven't gotten any better, but not any worse, thank God. Thank you to kind Ian for helping me figure out the source of my headaches. Finances are slowly but surely getting better. Having a job that pays you what your work is worth is nice.

Ok. Now that I've ranted and gotten my thoughts all out "on paper" I should go try and finish at least my abstract. And try and see if I can eat this toast that my wonderful little brother William has made for me. Hats off to toast when you're queasy! Bis später!