Bummed

I feel like a failure. I am not talented in anything. I enjoy lots of things, but I am only mediocre at them all. I can carry a tune and I enjoy singing, but I'm not that great. I enjoy playing the piano, but I never get past the decent level. I love writing, but, let's face it, it sucks. Everything feels almost forced when I try and do it.

When I really blast it when I'm singing, I turn down the music a little and hear myself. That's usually the end of singing right then because I embarrassed myself when I was alone in my car. My ex piano teacher said that I really have something special that could be developed with my playing. Where is it? My English teacher, Souder, has said that I have a great talent for writing. I write the crappiest stuff, full of b.s. and she gives me an A on it. I don't understand what's wrong. If I have a "gift" with this stuff, howcome it sucks? If it's really there, why don't I see it? It's like me being pretty. My boyfriend says I'm beautiful all the time. My friends say that I am and my coworkers are attracted to me. Why is it that when I look in the mirror I don't see the beautiful young woman that everyone else sees? This may just be my hormones talking right now, but it applies nearly all of the time.

The Russia team met at Life's A Beach today to discuss the trip. Since there are only eight people and no one eager to lead the team, the trip has been postponed to late May, 2008. That's a bummer. I was really hoping that God wanted us to go in August, but apparently He has other plans.

I might go to Guatemala in July. That would be awesome.

I was looking up graduation dates on the NCTC website. Just for the heck of it I clicked on the honors lists for Spring 2007. Apparently, I'm a Dean's Scholar. Never knew until just now. I wonder if I am still a Dean's Scholar by next spring if I will get cords for graduation. That is what I've always wanted for my college career - to be on an honors list of some sort. Getting cords at graduation would be the coolest thing ever!

I have to go take care of my little brother. He just tossed his cookies and is now complaining of a headache. Poor little guy.