Hate

I am struggling with hate issues. Last night at Bible study we went over Philippians 2 and it really convicted me. We talked about service vs. slavery, in that when someone performs a service, they usually expect something in return, whereas when someone is a slave, they don't expect anything for their work. Sure, the slave may get something for their actions, but they aren't expecting it. We were talking about how we need to be in "slavery" to people more often, in that we shouldn't expect someone to say thank-you for holding the door open for them, so that we aren't doing the right things for the wrong reasons. We were talking about how we needed to be in service/slavery to people that aren't nice to us, or our enemies, to put it in biblical terms.

Anyway, this really convicted me that I need to be in service to an acquaintance of mine.
I've known her for a long while, eight years, but the friendship has been mostly one-sided. I was not treated very well, but I kept loving her, helping her, taking care of her, and the like. You know, things that best friends do. We recently had a falling out when she started to bash my fiance and tell me all sorts of lies about him and my family and me. I was careful not to hurt her in return as she told me these things (do you have ANY idea how DIFFICULT that was?) and I told her simply that I was not going to be her friend anymore.

My problem now is, after a series of events, I hate her. I've never truly hated anyone. No one in this world should be able to be given so much and not improve at all. She doesn't care, she doesn't feel, and I hate her for it. I hate her for hurting me for so long and not caring. I hate her, and that scares me. I have had horrible dreams about her ever since that last conversation. I think I still do care somewhat, only because when you love someone you give them a piece of your heart. But I don't want these dreams and thoughts to continue. I want them to go away. I want to stop feeling this way toward her. I don't like bristling at the sound of her name, or something she says, or something that reminds me of her. I've prayed about it, I know I did the right thing, so why is this bothering me?