I Am Not Dead

I'm just really busy.

Between friends, wedding planning, pre-marital counseling, work, and Josh being home, I've had a lot on my plate.

I'm not ready for summer to be over. It doesn't feel like the end of summer. At all. Maybe it's because I'm not attending college this semester. Maybe it's because I enjoy the relaxed feel of the day. Maybe it's because I don't miss the daily grind, the routine we get set in once school starts. But, the sooner the school year begins, the sooner it ends, and the sooner I'll be able to move on.

I'm ready to leave the house. I cannot stand it here. Everything is filthy. I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to my mother screaming at my youngest brother...again; I definitely don't miss that from last semester. My parents are now expecting me to pay for their gas. I gave my Dad $80 so they could put gas in their cars one week ago because they needed it. Now they're expecting it from me. I need my money to stay in the bank where it belongs. I have a wedding to pay for - my parent's can't help with that. I work my butt off at work, I pay my bills, I even buy myself food. I need whatever I can get to save for the wedding.

I'm getting a second job - if Starbucks will hire me - for a couple of reasons. One, I could use the extra money to pay for the wedding things. Two, it will give me a second option when looking for a new job. If we go to Germany to live, I seriously doubt I could get a job at a veterinarian's office, so I would be able to apply at Starbucks' near the apartment. If we stay in the states, I can work at Starbucks until a vet's office gets back to me; it was 6 months after I applied at AMC of HV that they finally contacted me for hire, so it's good to have a backup plan.

Kim leaving has been hard, too. I've never had a close friend move away before, and it's really weird not seeing her on Mondays. It's weird that the college group isn't getting together on Mondays, too. I haven't heard what will happen to our Bible study group. I'm sure that the kids who are gone away for college have already left, so that leaves us at-home kids. The group of stay-here students is a lot smaller, of course, but it still may be difficult to keep all of us together. I'm afraid that the group will dissolve; that would be horrible. I'm not sure what I can do, though. I suppose we'll talk about it at church tonight.

I'm not in much of a mood to tell you everything that happened in the last two months. Josh left this afternoon and I'm working through the routine that happens after he leaves. I always feel lonely; like I'm only half here. I want to be with people, but at the same time, I want to be alone. It only lasts a day or two, but the first week after he leaves is always the hardest. I'll talk to you all later. I hope your summers have been well.