Time Flies When Your Mind Is Occupied

I didn't realize it has been over a month...

I have been so busy and so stressed lately. It's always one thing after another, you know? I'm wading through it, though. Some times are worse than others, but overall I bet it could be worse.

What's on my mind most right now is a big decision that will change the course of my life with Joshua forever. Don't worry, folks, we're still getting married. ;) On Tuesday, Josh informed me that he had been accepted into the Fulbright program, which will have us living in Germany for 11 months. The problem is, he's been jumping through hoops to get this great job with the government for two months now. The government job is in Maryland and we would be there until we decide to leave. There are pros and cons to both places, of course, but the decision is made much more stressful because Josh has to give Fulbright an answer by May 15th. From the time he found out he was accepted to the time he has to reply is ten days. Ten days to make a life changing decision.

Here are the pros and cons:

Germany:
Pros:
- Getting to see Germany/exploring the country
- New culture
- One month intensive language course plus the ability to meet people that I can practice German with
- Meet new people
- Being in such close quarters with Josh (could really help us grow closer quickly)
- Opportunity of a lifetime for both Josh and I

Cons:
- New language
- New culture
- New way of life (shopping, eating, entertainment, sorting trash, etc.)
- Being in such close quarters with Josh (could turn out ugly with no space to escape)
- Difficult to find a church home
- Difficult for me to find a job
- Opportunity of a lifetime for both Josh and I
- More difficult to travel home for the wedding(s) that I will be in

Maryland:
Pros:
- Same country
- Same language
- Relatively same way of life
- New culture
- New places to explore
- Can find a job without a problem
- Much easier to find a church home
- May be able to live in Germany for a number of years later on
- Easy to travel home for the wedding(s) that I will be in
- Can apply for job at a later time

Cons:
- New culture
- Distance from home/family will be felt more

Looking at the pros and cons lists alone would make the decision easy, but there are other things that we have to consider. With Maryland, it is very likely that Josh will not go to graduate school - a well paying job is hard to let go of for schooling and if he has a great job, why have to find another one? With Germany, Josh will go there for a year, go to graduate school upon returning and find a job then. With Maryland, I can get a job immediately, but it won't be what I really want to be doing. With Germany, I can get my foot in the door for translating and even possibly interpreting.

Really what it all boils down to are these things: 1) How important is graduate school to Josh? 2) Do we want to live outside the country, risks and all, or stay in this country with the possibility of not being able to live outside of it for an extended period? 3) What is best for the new Gunter family - to grow up a.s.a.p. or to enjoy something new and different and extreme?

Looking at the pros and cons list that I wrote and matching it with the one in my head doesn't work. There are so many things about Germany that I would love to see and do and can not possibly put into words for a physical list.

I think either location would be great for us in different ways. I will be happy with whatever decision Josh makes. All I know is what I told him. I told him, "I get excited butterflies in my stomach when I picture myself in Germany with you. I don't get those with Maryland. Both will be fun and both will be good for us, but I think I prefer Germany over Maryland."

Gasp, I know. ;) I never ever had such a hard time deciding, though. You all might think, "Of course she chose Germany! She'd have said that the instant he told her he was accepted." But that's wrong, and that surprised me. Once we gave up on Fulbright, I fully embraced Maryland. When Josh told me he was accepted to Fulbright, I was truly torn. I had my head set on Maryland and then the thing that I thought I wanted became available and I didn't know what to do. I've thought and prayed about this constantly ever since Josh told me. I'm not sure what Josh has chosen yet, or if he even has chosen. I would love to and am willing to accept the challenge of living in Germany. I think it will be the most rewarding for both of us and it will provide great memories and stories to tell our family, friends, and children.

What do you think?