Can't Figure Out

As you all heard on Sunday, Josh got an intern job at UT over the Summer. I am so unbelievably proud of him - I can't believe he landed something so rare! He'll be doing what he wants to do for a living and getting paid well for it - the only thing is that he has to be at the school to do it (duh!). He'll be living in his grandparent's house in Austin all Summer, then move to the dormroom in Fall. This experience is going to be so good for him, he'll learn a lot and get experience under his belt. The only thing is that his first day is Thursday, June 5. He gets an entire week out of school before he goes. I'm so proud of him, yet I can't help but cry - I'm going to miss him so much. We'll still talk on the phone like we do now, but we probably won't see each other but every other week at best. That's what the plan was going to be for college, but I expected to have the entire Summer to spend with him before all that time apart. Now it's all been taken away. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. I thought I was a lot stronger than this. I know it'll be hard, but I know I can handle it. At least I thought I could. Now only thinking about the reality of the future makes me cry. I savor every second with him as if it was my last. And he's not leaving for over a month! I keep telling myself to get a grip, but I can't hold on to myself for that long. In a way, I never want it to come. In another, I wish it would get here already and I could be getting used to it - there's four years of it ahead. I guess that's why I was so looking forward to this Summer. I hate that I'm so emotional about it, but at the same time I don't want to not cry and come off as heartless. I don't know how to deal with it. This weighs on me a lot more than I account for, I'm sure. *sighs, letting the tears dry*

...

My job has been going well. I got to VA almost completely by myself yesterday. I say almost completely because I haven't memorized the location of every single medication yet, and I'm still learning how to put different things into the computer, but those things I will only learn through doing. It's cool. My coworker in kennels is mad because my boss volunteers me to do VA stuff when my coworker has been trained in it for so long. I don't know why my boss does that, she just does. I expected to work in kennels for a while before learning anything else and she started my VA training and kennel training at the same time. I can't wait until I can do everything by myself. That will be an awesome day.

I went to Josh's today - he doesn't have to be at school until noon all this week because of TAKS, but you knew that already. Anyhoo, I went over to his house and we watched An Interview With A Vampire. Good movie, I wouldn't mind owning it. It has Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas and couple other famous people in it. I thought it was a very interesting movie - I liked it.

I really don't know what else to say. My idea for an anniversary gift got shot out of the sky by my Mother, who ended the criticism by saying, "I feel like I'm always bursting your bubbles." My thought was, 'That's cause you are, Mom,' but I didn't say anything out loud. I was smart and kept my mouth shut. So now I have to think of something else. I know the specifics, but I can't think of anything else that would fit them. Grr. It's always my Mom that pops my bubbles. I can understand why she's saying what she's saying, but if you see my point of view, what she's saying doesn't really affect anything. She has a good point, but there are ways around it, I guess that's what I'm trying to say.

Well, I've got school and studying to catch up on. Oh, and thank you Seanathan for talking with me on Monday. Much appreciated.

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