Breakdown

I am this close *holds up thumb and forefinger* to having an emotional breakdown. My emotions ran haywire tonight after Bible study. I was a mixture of all sorts of bad feelings, anger, sadness, pining, things of that nature. All I wanted to do was drive very fast for a long time, blaring rock music as loud as I could stand it. I was in a good mood when I arrived at Bible study, but my mood was changed somehow. I think it's partly because my friend is going through some similar problems to what I've been going through recently and I wish that upon no one - I'm worried about her. I talked about those things that were stressing me in prayer group and that brought my mood down. I don't have anyone to turn to - I don't have a girl friend. When it was suggested to me two weeks ago that I should spend more time with the Lord, my thought was, "That never works." Josh isn't here in Flower Mound where I can get a hug and a loving arm around me as I cry on his shoulder. Basically, I have no one to turn to, and that's been getting to me. Other things with school, family, living conditions, and so forth have been bothering me. Lately, the stresses of getting my party ready, getting my room clean, getting my homework done, studying for tests that I have to take after my big weekend, and moving into the house that I'm house-sitting have been stressing me out, mainly because they have to be done before the week's close. I want to be able to relax this weekend and take time for me. I know it won't happen. I've also been worrying about getting Josh's blanket and pillowcase done on top of making sure my homework gets done. I'm also thinking about Christmas presents for my friends - that will take money that I don't have, but I can't not give them something. Anne mentioned something tonight that I hadn't thought of...I could transfer to UT when I can afford it - but if all goes according to plan, that wouldn't be feasible...or would it? I'm tired and have homework. Why is it that I have to be the most unattractive human being I know? *puke*