Not A Great Day

Day #3
Today I am thankful for... friends to comfort me when things aren't going so well.

Today what makes me happy is... having co-workers that care.

Today what makes me free is... distance is sometimes a good thing.

I've had a rough afternoon today. I don't think going into details would be acceptable on this world-wide visiting place. I've been having a lot of emotions this week and I don't like it. *shrug* I am a female.

Dinner's ready, so I need to go. Later!

Mid October Feels Colder Outside

Per my good friend, I should write daily for three months. What I should write each day is 1) what I am thankful for, 2) what makes me happy, and 3) what makes me free. Since I am horrible about writing daily, I have a compromise. Mutating Missionary, is it ok with you (or rather, will your idea still work) if instead of writing daily for three months if I write as close to daily as possible for 90 days? I will keep close track of them, I promise.

Assuming MM agrees, here's day #2.

Day #2:
Today I am thankful for... a job that I get paid to do and enjoy doing.

Today what makes me happy is... knowing that I have adult friends who treat me like a young adult, and don't mind taking time out of their busy day to have coffee with me.

Today what makes me free is... I'm still feeling pretty free from yoga yesterday.

I'm getting a bit upset by a couple of people at work. I'm trying not to let their moods affect me, but it's difficult, for reasons that I'd rather not get into for their privacy, and I'm not too great yet at making myself happy out of nowhere. I'm trying to focus on the positive when they start getting to me...that's the best thing I can think to do.

That's just a small blurb, but I'm hungry and my parent's minichurch finally left, so I can go get dinner now. :D

Have an awesome day tomorrow!

A "Blah" Day

Today was not that great of a day and I'm not sure why. I guess it was just one of "those" days. It was just blah.

Ok...here goes my attempt at Mutating Missionary's idea.
Today I am thankful for... a fiance who loves me and cares for me.

Today what makes me happy is... remembering the wonderful weekend I had with Josh and his family.

Today what makes me free (I'm not sure what you mean by this...please explain?) is... God's grace. Plain and simple.

I Googled (yeah, it's a verb now) "blah" and this is what I found...


Ironically, the page it was on was from a person who Googled "blah" and found this picture. Weird, huh?

Not Much To Say

I'm still here - I don't have much time to write these days. I need to have coffee with several of you...this will be arranged soon.

As for you, my Mutating Missionary, I think you're asking if I write daily, which I don't. I probably should, but I don't. I can write things I'm thankful for, that's not a problem. I can try writing daily, though it will be difficult seeing as I'm always running somewhere.

I'm a bit frustrated right now, so I'm going to relax and calm down.

Unsure

That's how I'm feeling right now. Unsure. Ashamedly much so, in fact. The last couple of weeks at church, whenever eternity comes to mind, I get scared. Sometimes I'll be daydreaming about my future either at work or while driving, and I'll think of when I'm old. My body will not be able to do things that it did before; simple things like standing erect or walking. Then I think about myself on my deathbed. What will it feel like to die? Will I simply fall asleep and a second later I wake in heaven? Or will I almost watch myself die, watch my body die, while my conscience stays alert and then I take myself to heaven? Or will it be like fainting; I just lose consciousness altogether before I even know what happened? I believe in heaven and hell, I believe there's a second, eternal life. But the transition scares me. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I will be alone for the briefest second. I don't know if it's because Josh may or may not be there to hold my hand through it. I'm pretty sure it's not doubt, though it very well could be. I don't know if it's a trust issue.

I do have a trust issue. Trusting God with everything. Giving Him my life, my love, my concerns, my dreams, my everything. I know He's there, I know He'll take care of me, but I can't do it fully. How is it that I can trust a broken, fragile, worthless jar of clay with everything but I can not trust the One who made me, the One who loves me the most, the One who knows me more than I do? I shouldn't be going through this. I grew up in Crossroads, I grew up reading the Bible, I grew up in a christian family, I grew up knowing what's right and wrong, I grew up knowing what I believe. I should not be having these issues.

But ever since high school something went wrong. My junior year, things started feeling different. I still prayed and read the Bible, but something felt wrong. I spoke with my Bible study leaders, asking them what was wrong with me; the things I was feeling and thinking weren't right. I felt stagnant, like I was walking backwards, facing God, reaching for Him, trying to walk forward, but my feet kept moving the wrong way. I asked the strongest christians that I knew for help and advice. I got nothing. Nothing I didn't already know. They said to read the Bible, that even if I didn't feel like doing it, I should anyway, and the desire would come. It never did. I prayed earnestly and desperately to have a desire. To want to be in love with God, to love Him the way I love Josh - only more. It never came.

Now I'm stuck. I feel like I am the furthest from God that I have ever been. I feel like a bad child. I feel like the kid who only obeys sometimes, the kid who does what she wants to instead of what she knows she should do. I feel guilty that I haven't trusted Him with everything. I feel bad because I know so much, but I'm not living what I believe, what I know to be true. I don't know how.

I'm scared. I want my children to grow up knowing God and loving Him and trusting Him. I'm afraid that my husband and I will end up like his parents. Dad goes to church, then goes home. Mom goes to church, teaches Sunday school, then goes home. That's it. No serving, no Bible studies, no minichurch. I'm not downing on them or saying they're not spiritual enough or any of that garbage. I feel like that would be not enough for me. I want to stay active and serve and attend Bible studies. But I can't figure out why. I want to do all these great things, something makes me desire them, but if I'm not doing them for God, why do I want to do them? Not doing them only makes me feel even guiltier, but doing them for the wrong reasons isn't any better.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Something's wrong with my brain. I don't know what it is. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know why I can't do it. This has been on my mind for a long time and I don't know what to do with it, how to handle it, how to deal with it, how to fix it, how to make it go away. I'm stuck and I'm unsure of what my next move is. It's way too easy to keep going through life doing what I want.

Getting Better

Well, it's now October. Time flies when your mind is occupied, that's for sure.

My tummy troubles are (hopefully) almost over. The medicine the doctor put me on, after telling me that my infection almost put me in the hospital, makes me nauseated all the time, which in turn makes it difficult to find an appetite. I'm feeling a little bit better every day. Reduced nausea, increase in appetite, and less fatigue are the symptoms of my struggle to heal. I'm so tired of being sick it's not even funny.

Work is going well. I am almost finished with my Inpatient VA training, and am already finished with the corresponding videos. I'm well on my way to accomplishing my goal of having my OPN training finished by the end of December. After the IVA training, I start working on the OPN stuff...I'm almost there!

I got to see Josh about 3 weeks ago. I drove down to Georgetown and we stayed with his grandparents as usual. We played Canasta and ate and ate and ate. Nana doesn't let us go hungry or go without dessert. I had so much fun and it was so great to see Josh again. Sometimes the phone just doesn't cut it, you know? He's coming in town next weekend to celebrate his father's and uncle's birthdays with the family, so I'll get to see him and his family then.

Wedding plans are going well. There's not much to do right now - I have all the big stuff done already. I'm doing some preliminary invitation and registry pondering, 'cause it's all I have to do.

I'm REALLY hungry, so I'm going to fetch some dinner. I'll talk to you all later. Have a great weekend!

I'm Sick

I'm sick. I took off work today because I felt so bad. I'm trying so hard to be better for my shift tomorrow, but I don't think it's working. Mom says that my hopes of working tomorrow aren't looking good. I think I'll just stay at home as much as possible - don't go anywhere after work, etc. Tracy is having her baby shower on Saturday, which I will try to go to, but I think I will skip yoga again :( and spend the weekend resting and getting better. I don't work on Monday, so I'll have an extra day to rest.

I don't know what this secondary sickness is, but I'm not liking it at all. Severe nausea, loss of appetite, and severe headaches bordering on the migraine level, all on top of a bladder infection. How can I put it...yay! NOT. VERY not fun. Don't do it. I don't recommend it at all. Even drinking cranberry juice bothers my tummy.

I need to go lay down some more. I hope you all are having a better day than I am.

Hurricane Ike

I have family and friends in Houston. I don't know if they've evacuated or not. I know the focus is on Galveston Island right now, but Houston will be next, and I'm worried.

I'm worried about friends that aren't in danger of Ike. I know they'll be ok eventually, but it's getting to the ok part that I'm worried about.

I want it to be July. I'm tired of waiting to see my fiance. I get to see him in 7 days, but it feels like forever will pass before I see him. I can't wait for July.

Great Day

I had an awesome day today! I worked as an Inpatient Veterinary Assistant today, which means that I was in the back helping the nurse with surgeries. I did my first dental cleaning today - I did three, I shaved a dog for surgery, and I drew blood for the first time! So many firsts today. I also am officially done with my reception training - finally! That means that I get a 50 cent raise, too!

And, I got to watch a cystotomy on a Schnauzer today. The dog had four large (about 1 inch diameter) stones, and a ton of tiny ones that resembled gravel. All in all there were an estimated 300 stones. I felt so bad for the dog.

That's really all I had to say. Have a good week, everybody!

I Am Not Dead

I'm just really busy.

Between friends, wedding planning, pre-marital counseling, work, and Josh being home, I've had a lot on my plate.

I'm not ready for summer to be over. It doesn't feel like the end of summer. At all. Maybe it's because I'm not attending college this semester. Maybe it's because I enjoy the relaxed feel of the day. Maybe it's because I don't miss the daily grind, the routine we get set in once school starts. But, the sooner the school year begins, the sooner it ends, and the sooner I'll be able to move on.

I'm ready to leave the house. I cannot stand it here. Everything is filthy. I woke up at 7:30 in the morning to my mother screaming at my youngest brother...again; I definitely don't miss that from last semester. My parents are now expecting me to pay for their gas. I gave my Dad $80 so they could put gas in their cars one week ago because they needed it. Now they're expecting it from me. I need my money to stay in the bank where it belongs. I have a wedding to pay for - my parent's can't help with that. I work my butt off at work, I pay my bills, I even buy myself food. I need whatever I can get to save for the wedding.

I'm getting a second job - if Starbucks will hire me - for a couple of reasons. One, I could use the extra money to pay for the wedding things. Two, it will give me a second option when looking for a new job. If we go to Germany to live, I seriously doubt I could get a job at a veterinarian's office, so I would be able to apply at Starbucks' near the apartment. If we stay in the states, I can work at Starbucks until a vet's office gets back to me; it was 6 months after I applied at AMC of HV that they finally contacted me for hire, so it's good to have a backup plan.

Kim leaving has been hard, too. I've never had a close friend move away before, and it's really weird not seeing her on Mondays. It's weird that the college group isn't getting together on Mondays, too. I haven't heard what will happen to our Bible study group. I'm sure that the kids who are gone away for college have already left, so that leaves us at-home kids. The group of stay-here students is a lot smaller, of course, but it still may be difficult to keep all of us together. I'm afraid that the group will dissolve; that would be horrible. I'm not sure what I can do, though. I suppose we'll talk about it at church tonight.

I'm not in much of a mood to tell you everything that happened in the last two months. Josh left this afternoon and I'm working through the routine that happens after he leaves. I always feel lonely; like I'm only half here. I want to be with people, but at the same time, I want to be alone. It only lasts a day or two, but the first week after he leaves is always the hardest. I'll talk to you all later. I hope your summers have been well.

Hectic Weekend

I suppose I should update. You might be wondering what happened to me. I'm still alive, believe you me.

I've been super busy with work. It's the same schedule every week (for once), but it's not any less hectic. I was trying to be done with my reception training >:p by this week, but it didn't happen. Mostly because the lady that has to sign off on it doesn't know that I know how to do most of the last few things. She tried to rearrange the schedule so I could work on the new stuff, but that didn't happen because she wasn't there to do make sure it happened. Ah well. Maybe I can shoot for this week.

I've had a lot of stress recently in a short period of time. I house/pet-sat for the Lane's on Saturday and Sunday. No big deal, right? Oh, the cats were fine, nothing out of the ordinary. It was the boredom. I get there after work, about 12:30 or so, feed the kitties, and thumb through their massive collection of DVDs to see if there are any that I've been wanting to see. I found a few, but settled on I Am Legend. Needless to say, for those who have seen it, it left me in a weird mood. I decided to play my video game, Tomb Raider Legend, to get me out of the odd feeling. I finished it in about 2 hours and messed around with it for another hour and a half before becoming bored. Then I put in a second movie, Tuck Everlasting. I think I had seen it before, but I couldn't remember, so I watched it. Good movie. A little more child-oriented than I remembered, but not bad at all.

Sunday morning, I packed up my Playstation 2 gaming system, my game, my pajamas, and my clothes from the previous day, all in about 10 minutes. It didn't take as long as I thought. My phone died and I forgot my phone charger, so I couldn't talk to my fiance. So I put in a movie, Evan Almighty. Not as good as Bruce, but still funny. I looked at the clock. I had to wait until noon before I could leave because the cats needed their lunch. I still had another two hours. So, surprisingly enough, I popped in another movie. This movie was called August Rush. By far one of the best movies I've seen in a while. It ended, I went home, I prepared to help Dad with dinner.

My Dad taught me how to make Butterflied broiled chicken with a reduction sauce. I did most of it while he talked me through it. It was AMAZING! I couldn't believe that I made most of the dinner. I was so proud of myself.

After dinner, I found myself again wandering through the land of boredom when Josh called me. We didn't really say much and were laying in silence when I asked a simple question that turned into an argument that lasted all the way to church and continued after church. A total of four hours was spent in this argument. What's weird is that Josh and I never fight, and rarely do we raise our voices with each other. The average level of volume of this fight was a heated discussion. Sometimes we talked, sometimes we yelled. But we fought and fought and didn't really get anywhere until the second half of the argument. We left the issue unresolved on good terms and agreed to bring it up again, without yelling, at a later date.

I was stressed about the argument when I got to church and then there was an incident at the Russia meeting that I do not want to say on here; it was small and insignificant, but hurtful, nonetheless. Josh sent a text saying that he was out to dinner so he'd call when he was done. I fumed the whole 15 minutes home and decided as I pulled into the driveway that I was going to take a walk. I went into the house, changed into a t-shirt, put tennis shoes on, put Emma on her leash, and left. I walked, with some jogging intermittently, for about four miles. I kept a decent pace through the entire walk, which was fueled solely by my anger, frustration, and hurt. By the time I got back to the house, I didn't feel those emotions anymore, which felt better, and I took a cold shower once I got home. Josh called just before I got in the shower, so I called him back when I got out. *insert second half of argument here* I was so stressed from the emotions that ran rampant all day and the physical distress that my body was in from overheating, that I couldn't eat dinner. I noticed when it got late that I hadn't eaten and forced myself to eat a 100 calorie snack bar. When my conversation with Josh ended, I went to sleep, crying.

Monday morning I wake up nauseated. I ran into the door on the way to the bathroom, I put my contacts in my eyes, and had to sit in front of the toilet for about 20 minutes because I was so dizzy and I thought I would toss my cookies. Silly me, thinking that since I hadn't eaten dinner the previous night that food would help, I ate three cocoa puffs. Boy, that was a mistake. More time was spent in front of the toilet as I texted a coworker. I asked her to let everyone know that I would not be in for work in the morning (I had to be at work at 7:30am - it was about 6:15am when I sent the message), but that I would try to be there at lunchtime. I went back to sleep and when I woke I felt loads better. I was careful with my movements and I ate a small quantity of a different type of cereal, packed a PBJ sandwich for later, and went to work.

I'm still feeling the effects of being sick yesterday morning. I can eat normal food and a normal portion, but my meal times are way screwed up. Anyway, that was my hectic weekend. I only hope that I will have your problem someday, MM, with not being able to remember the English words. I'm taking a German course right now, but I'm teaching myself and my teacher isn't very motivating. It's 9:23 - I need to eat dinner. Gute nacht.

I Haven't Written in a While

A ton has happened since I graduated. Just think...it's only been three weeks.

I bought my wedding dress on May 18. It is beautiful beyond comprehension and I look sublimely amazing in it (I can say sublimely - I looked it up). I won't post pictures on here because my fiancé has been known to visit here without warning. I don't want him to have to deal with the temptation of peeking. I will gladly show pictures to you in person - you only have to ask.

Josh left for North Carolina May 30 and he arrived this afternoon. He's there for an REU, Research Experience for Undergratuates. He's staying in a house provided by the school, UNCG (the University of North Carolina, Greensboro), and doesn't know how many roommates he'll have. He'll be there until the end of July. I'm going to try and fly over there a day or two before he leaves to see NC - I've never been there - and ride back with him. I ran this idea past my mother and she said that it sounded like a great idea, as long as I could afford the one-way ticket. Oh, another good thing about the NC thing is that all of Josh's travel expenses, gas, hotel, and food, will be reimbursed after his stay, in addition to his paycheck. His being gone will be difficult, but I bought a webcam with some of my graduation money so that we can see each other while chatting on the internet. We hope that it will make the time apart easier.

Josh and I have basically chosen Crossroads for our wedding venue. We haven't saved the date with the church yet, but it will be done before long. Mom still wants a certain seating arrangement for the wedding, but Josh and his mother don't like it at all. I wish I wasn't in the middle of it, as I don't really have a preference for the seating. A great thing about Crossroads is that there is no guest limit, which means we don't have to limit our guest list. Josh wants me to invite everyone I know. I'm not sure if I will or not.

I got a lot of ideas for my wedding when I was at the wedding of Jason and Sarah Aderholt this Saturday. I have a lot of do's and dont's that I picked up from talking with people, especially with Julie Zepp, who was the wedding coordinator. I'm hoping to have coffee with her sometime this month to talk over things.

I can't wait to start putting some of my ideas into action. I'm to the point where I don't want ideas anymore, I want things to happen. I want to say, this will happen, or we will have this or that in this place, etc. And I don't want to be the middle man in this planning thing. I want to have time with Josh to decide these things and I want them because we want them, not because Mother H or Mother G said so. Ideas and advice are fine, but if we don't want something and we tell you that, shut up about it.

John returned from Russia today and brought with him a lot of stories and some really cool presents. He gave William a wooden Morning Star, which for those of you who don't know, is what you would think of as a Mace. Apparently the two are different and John knows the differences, so if you're curious, just ask him. Anyway, Mom got a set of Babushka (sp?) dolls and they get REALLY tiny. Just when you think it can't get any smaller, the thing opens and reveals the tiniest little piece of carved and painted wood. It's amazing. He got me a beautiful knitted shawl, which changes shades from white to dark purple. It's thin, yet surprisingly warm. He got my dad the coolest thing ever. The base of the thing is basically a glass lens. What sits on the base is a glass orb with the solar system lasered into it, complete with all the planets, from the sun to Pluto. The details in this thing are incredible! Saturn has its rings, though Jupiter and Uranus don't. Earth looks like a globe and has the continents shaded in and even some longitudinal and latitudinal lines drawn on it. My favorite parts are that it shows the orbits of each planet, the sun is a flaming ball, and there are even stars scattered about. It's pretty much one of the top five coolest things I've seen.

Sorry I was so long to update. I have been busy with work and visiting venues and spending precious time with Joshua and I didn't have the time to sit down and write.

Lori, I need to get in touch with you and set up a time for coffee. I have a bunch of things I want to tell you and ask you.

To all, have a good night and a good Monday.

Graduated!

I am officially graduated from NCTC. Our diplomas will me mailed "within 8-10 weeks of graduation." I had a blast. I lucked out and a classmate from my English class was next to me in line. We sat there making fun of the whole thing, collecting ammunition for more jokes about the silly community college that acts like a four-year university.

Here were some of the funniest things:
...if we had a dollar for every time the word outstanding was used, we would have enough money for a nice celebration afterwards.
...the speaker talked about how he persevered to find the right piece of classic literature to quote at graduation. His piece? Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham. I am not kidding.
...the word outstanding was correctly spelled in the piece of paper contained in our diploma covers.
...the "NCTC Singers" sang a piece at graduation. It was about death.
...the NCTC Singers were not uniform at all. They did not wear the same color, and some of them held books while the rest didn't. Choir 101 - either every person has the music memorized or all of you hold books - the key is to be as uniform as possible.
...one of the board members said a prayer before the ceremony started. He prayed that God would give us good luck, he thanked God for making the big world smaller at the click of a mouse, and he never actually spoke to God.
...one of the ladies that introduced an extraordinary student actually said that she was "oustanding." She must have written the Dean's List papers.
...99% of the graduating students did not know that NCTC had an alma mater. Needless to say, the man at the front leading us all in the song was one of three people who sang.
...the honored (and ancient) Board members were constantly nodding off throughout the ceremony.

I am so glad I got to sit next to Catherine. I had a blast at my graduation and got a few good pictures out of it, too. Here they are:

Christina put my hat on at the restaurant, but she put it on backwards!
Getting in line to walk across the stage!

Receiving my diploma cover from a Board member.

I love this picture of me.

My awesome Grandmother! She and my Aunt drove for 4 hours to get there.

Have a great week, everybody!

I GRADUATE TOMORROW!

I GRADUATE TOMORROW!!! What more needs to be said? I'm done with school!

p.s. I wish there was something more forceful than an exclamation point to show my excitement!

Hate

I am struggling with hate issues. Last night at Bible study we went over Philippians 2 and it really convicted me. We talked about service vs. slavery, in that when someone performs a service, they usually expect something in return, whereas when someone is a slave, they don't expect anything for their work. Sure, the slave may get something for their actions, but they aren't expecting it. We were talking about how we need to be in "slavery" to people more often, in that we shouldn't expect someone to say thank-you for holding the door open for them, so that we aren't doing the right things for the wrong reasons. We were talking about how we needed to be in service/slavery to people that aren't nice to us, or our enemies, to put it in biblical terms.

Anyway, this really convicted me that I need to be in service to an acquaintance of mine.
I've known her for a long while, eight years, but the friendship has been mostly one-sided. I was not treated very well, but I kept loving her, helping her, taking care of her, and the like. You know, things that best friends do. We recently had a falling out when she started to bash my fiance and tell me all sorts of lies about him and my family and me. I was careful not to hurt her in return as she told me these things (do you have ANY idea how DIFFICULT that was?) and I told her simply that I was not going to be her friend anymore.

My problem now is, after a series of events, I hate her. I've never truly hated anyone. No one in this world should be able to be given so much and not improve at all. She doesn't care, she doesn't feel, and I hate her for it. I hate her for hurting me for so long and not caring. I hate her, and that scares me. I have had horrible dreams about her ever since that last conversation. I think I still do care somewhat, only because when you love someone you give them a piece of your heart. But I don't want these dreams and thoughts to continue. I want them to go away. I want to stop feeling this way toward her. I don't like bristling at the sound of her name, or something she says, or something that reminds me of her. I've prayed about it, I know I did the right thing, so why is this bothering me?

Graduation!

I graduate in 17 days! Woot! Needless to say, the senioritis is getting worse by the day. The larger the project, the worse the disease. I have an abstract, an annotated bibliography, and two pages of a research paper due Thursday. I need one more source for the bib, I didn't really fix the abstract, and I'm struggling to make myself write the half page that's left to make two pages. It's so hard to finish schoolwork at the end of the year. You'd think that the closer the end got, the harder you'd work to make it go away faster. The truth is, the closer the end gets, the harder it is to do the tasks. Maybe I'll go write the dance paper that's due tomorrow - that's easy enough. It'll make me feel like I got something done.

I need to call all of the family to invite them to the graduation ceremony, which is May 9. I picked up my cap and gown and tassel on Friday. I'm surprised at the color of the cap and gown - it's very pretty. I can't wait to be sitting in the auditorium listening to the boring speeches that precede the long list of names before mine, then walk across the stage, shake the hand of a man I don't even know, and hope to catch a glimpse of my family, friends, and favorite professor as I walk back to my seat. It's going to be so great!

Well, I need to force myself to work on my research paper. Talk to you later.

Dance, Josh, and Chris

I only called my dance teacher silly so I wouldn't use a bad word. I actually have several bad words to describe her. I don't understand her grading system at all. On the first test, I made a 79. I was livid, so say the least, because I had read all THREE chapters (twice) that the test covered, I studied my notes from class and the review that we had in class and I STILL made a 79. On the second test, I made a 114. There were a few extra credit questions, but I didn't get every problem on the test right. On this test, I made a 131. This time there were fewer extra credit questions and I got a few problems wrong. I don't know who she thinks she is, but she is not a good professor. Period. I'm convinced that the Dean that sat in on our class that day would have fired her if Sarah (a classmate) had not begged her to not to kill the class. I know it sounds as if I'm upset with my 100+ grades, which I'm not, but I don't know where the extra points came from, and I have no idea how I'm doing in the class. When teachers give bogus grades like that, it is impossible to track your grades. She doesn't grade the video papers like that, so why does she grade the tests like that?

My weekend with Josh was amazing. The honors ceremonies weren't too terribly boring. I got to spend a lot of time with his family; they came up on Saturday morning. Josh and I played Canasta with Nana and Paw on Saturday evening while his family was at their hotel. After lunch on Sunday, all of the family sat down together and we played Taboo. Taboo is quite possibly my all-time favorite party game.

I'm feeling bad for my best friend, Christina. She's feeling as if everyone around her is getting engaged. Most of the class before us is engaged and a few of our class are also engaged and she's feeling left out. Her boyfriend is acting strangely about the whole thing. From what it sounds like, to me, he's avoiding the whole engagement thing. He told her that once he got a firefighting job, he'd propose. He has that job now. Then he said that she had to get a job making $10-$12 an hour so that she could buy a car. A job that pays that well without a degree is hard enough to find, but when you don't have a car, it's next to impossible. Then he said that he has to save up for an apartment before he buys the ring because he's simply tired of living at his parent's house. I'm smart enough to know that more money can be saved faster when living at the parent's house. He seems to be putting everything in front of them being together and she's getting frustrated. Every time they talk about it, they get into an argument. I think he's being ridiculous. He's hurting her and he doesn't care. He's not trying to comfort her at all, he's not trying to encourage her; he's pursuing his own wants and desires. He says that he wants to marry her and that he can't wait, but he's not acting at all like he really feels that way. I'm not sure what to tell her. I want to make her feel better, but I can't. I don't know how to comfort her in this situation. It's also hard because she's my maid of honor, my florist, and my wedding planner. She wants to be all those things, but it also refreshes the feelings of jealousy and hurt. I really want to make her feel better but I don't know how. I'm sorry, Chris. I'm at a loss.

School and Work

My silly dance teacher walked into class eleven minutes late on Wednesday. She walked in the room and said, "Sorry I'm late. We're going to move the test to Friday and finish watching the Merce Cunningham video today." I was mad. When I prepare for a test, I want to take it. Two of my classmates didn't study (which they want me to do for them) so they opted to skip that day and take the makeup test instead. I told them it would be better not to, but they went anyway. I don't mind helping them study, but I'm not going to study for them. Partially why I was mad about the test being moved is because it gave those two a second chance. As I said before, I don't study for people. I will help them if they have questions, but they have to study on their own.

Part of why they don't study is because our professor talks through everything so fast that they claim they can't take notes, so they don't even try. They'll read a book or fall asleep or do other things. One of them actually does pay attention most of the time, but she doesn't ever take notes. They expect me to let them use my notes, since I'm their friend, to study from and I don't let them do it. I don't like that they expect it of me. It's just rude. And lazy.

I have not gotten much sleep the past two nights because of the storms. I'm noticing myself becoming more grouchy during the day and I don't like it. I try really hard not to be grouchy and just when I think I've got it controlled, I unexpectedly snap at someone. I don't like it when I'm this way and I'm trying my hardest to not be so irritable.

My English presentation went very well today. There were a few hitches in the technical department, but that's to be expected. Everyone said their lines really well, and though we didn't speak particularly fast, we got through the entire Sleepy Hollow Jeopardy game rather quickly. I'll post the pictures on here as soon as I get them. We had a blast.

I'm off to eat lunch before work. Speaking of work, I finished my VA tests, which means that that section of training is done, which means I get a fifty cent raise! WOOT!

I Got A New Haircut!

Here are some pics of the new 'do - which I am LOVING!







Christina recommended me to a woman named Mikki. I would recommend her to anyone. I brought some pictures and I told her what I was looking for. She did an excellent job on my hair. I am so happy with it. It looks great both up and down. I can't wait to play with it some more and see what I can do with it. I especially can't wait to show Josh this weekend! *grin*

Wish me luck on my dance test tomorrow!

Wedding Thoughts and Research Paper Ideas

Thank you all for your input. I needed to hear what people were thinking.

I haven't been planning anything recently. I don't want to become Bridezilla. I told myself not to mess with stuff until I graduate, which is in 33 days. The only things that HAVE to be done this summer is deciding on a place to get married, reserve it, and find the bridesmaid's dresses. Since two of my bridesmaids will be out of town for college during the school year, I figured this would be the easiest way to get it all worked out. At Christmas break we can get their dresses altered if necessary, then they'll be all set. I decided to save every penny I can over the summer before I shop for my dress, that way I'll have a better idea of how much I have to spend on it.

I told my idea to my parents and my mom thinks that it would be better for Josh to pay for something like the photographer, but this is all irrelevant anyway. Josh said that since he's paying for the honeymoon, and we're going to Germany for a week, and since he's paying for other things for the wedding such as his tux, gifts, and the like, that he would have too much on his plate, so to speak, without adding the cost of the place. I told him that if that was the case, that we'd more than likely get married at Crossroads, even though it's half of the estimated budget. He said he still wants to look at other places, but I really don't see myself getting married elsewhere, simply because of cost. If I had to pick a place, I really do think it would be Crossroads. We get the most for our money, really.

At first, I was completely opposed to getting married at Crossroads. I can't even tell you why. But the more I talked with people, and upon reflection of the two weddings that I've been to at Crossroads, the more I started to realize how much of a gem it is. We will have the auditorium that seats 800+ people, so we won't have to worry about the size of the guest list. We will have the cafe, the huge room upstairs, the foyer upstairs and downstairs, the kitchen, and decorations for everything. We'll have plenty of room for everyone and there are three different ways we could do the reception. It also has the added bonus of location; it's really easy to get to and find, plus a lot of the people attending will already know how to get there. We also know for sure that wherever we are, there'll be a decent sound system available. The pros really do outweigh the cons. It's insane - I never thought I would feel this way.

I have an appointment with a florist tomorrow afternoon to get a quote. Christina used to work for them and she recommended them highly. We're most likely going to buy the flowers individually and have a flower-making party two days before the wedding, and store the flowers in the church fridge, if possible, since it's so big.

Right now, I'm wishing that it was April, 2009. Then I'd be fixing all the little things, making hair and nail appointments, and trying on my dress in anticipation. I'd have my dress. I can't wait to find my dress. *daydreams about dress*

I have an abstract for a research paper to write. The abstract is due Tuesday, and I haven't thought of a topic for my research paper yet. I'm going to see if I could follow the essay question from our midterm - the professor said it was ok to do that. The essay question that I chose were, as horrible as it sounds, women's rights in the 1600s. I argued that since most of the colonials were Puritan, the "good" Puritan woman had three rights. 1: submit to the authority of her husband, basically, what he says, goes. 2: submit to God and worship Him as often as possible. 3: care for her children, regardless of her or her children's physical condition or circumstance.

I used Mary Rowlandson as my example of a "perfect" Puritan woman. For those of you who don't know who she is, she was taken captive by the Native Americans who raided her town. She watched as most of her family were brutally murdered. Her husband was out of town during the raid, and she had one child in her arms, who was shot as she ran from her burning house, where most of her family were burning to death. She carried her sick child until the little one died. She was about six when she died. Rowlandson continued on with the Indians on different "removes." She wasn't fed well and resorted to begging for food from the natives who weren't housing her. The family she was kept by didn't treat her well. The wife hated her and made her do all of the dirty work, and punished Rowlandson for begging for food. The husband more than likely raped her multiple times. She was eventually traded for some goods by a man who was in contact with her husband. She and her husband and the few children who survived continued to live in the colonies.

I was going to make an argument that another of the females that we read about was not a good Puritan woman because she was a business woman, which was a no no. She made a long journey that a lot of young men had a difficult time making, accompanied only by the mail men that traveled that route. She wore pants when she rode her horse. She had at least two children, but was never married, at least at the point in the story that we read.

We also read about another woman who was a good Puritan woman, though she did nothing daring but write poetry. She had eight children and used poetry as her getaway. She was devoted to her husband and worshiped God incessantly. She had a lot of tragedy in her life, but she never blamed God or turned away from Him.

I'm not sure where else I would go with the Puritan women's rights, but that's why preliminary research must be done, which I am supposed to be doing now. I suppose I'll get back to it. Sorry it took me so long to post again. Enjoy the sun!