Germany

I want to go to Germany so badly. The only problem is money, at this point. My Mom ok'd it on Sunday when I spoke with her about it. We talked about it over dinner with my family at Mazatlan and when we got in the car, she said that now was the best time in my life to go out and explore the world and learn new things. She mentioned going with a missionary organization and I think that would be great, but I don't know how much of the language I'd pick up, unless they were native speakers. That's really my concern about going to Germany; learning the language. Second is learning the culture.

Oops! I'm going to be late for Bible study. Tschüss!

Found on Priceline.com, assuming I would be leaving in June and coming back in July, these are the prices I've found (not using the "your own price" option):

From Dallas to Berlin, Germany, it would be about $1,200.

From Dallas to Munich, Germany, it would be about $1,100.

From Dallas to Nuremburg, Germany, it would be over $1,300.

Basically, we're looking at over $1,000 for a plane ticket, so the cost of the CCI programs would be about $1,000 more than their quoted price, so it would be about $3,930 for the language school in Munich and starting at $2,450 for the homestay program. This is an awful lot of money, but I know it would be worth it and scholarships are available. Maybe my hopes of traveling to Germany aren't as far from reach as I thought they'd be.

There May Be Hope Yet

I have just looked online and found two different sites on foreign exchange that may actually be feasible. I found a lot, but only two that caught my eye. One may only be for high school students and it costs a lot more, but the price includes airfare and tuition for classes, too.

The one that I speak of is with AYUSA and it would last from June 24 to July 25. I would do homestay (stay with a family in their home) in Cologne, Germany and take language classes in the morning for 4 hours per day. There is no language requirement, which is what I need if I'm to go this summer (I doubt I will since it's so much money). Total price, including airfare and tuition, as I mentioned before, would be $5,699. I couldn't have that by this summer, but they offer scholarships, so I might could get help with that.

The other site that I found has two different options, one is for a homestay only and the other is for language school. With the language school, I have my choice to stay in Munich, Germany for 4 weeks. I would have 25 language classes per week (I'm not sure how many hours per day) and 2 activities per week that are mandatory. I would have my own room in a family's house and the cost would be $2,830, not including airfare and possibly not tuition (the site didn't say). I could go for any four weeks throughout the year.

With the homestay exchange, I would stay in someone's home, anywhere in Germany (I would choose up to three different places on the application, but no guarantees) for any 4 weeks throughout the year. There is a "basic German" requirement, which means that I would have to either take classes over the summer, or take classes at UNT next fall in order to learn the basics and then go to Germany the following summer or spring semester. With homestay, I could choose to participate in two programs consecutively, which means I could stay for up to 8 weeks in two different areas of Germany. Scholarships are available here as well, so applications for aid would most definitely be mailed.

If I had my preference, I think I would choose the AYUSA program simly because there is no language requirement. It does cost significantly more at this point, but I haven't calculated how much airfare and other costs would be in order to add them onto the CCI price and compare final costs. You never know, AYUSA could end up being cheaper.

I think it would be awesome if I could go this summer and get started on learning. I really want to go and I've got a leg up on being informed. If you have any other ideas or sites that I could check out, let me know. I found a ton of sites that are available for high school exchange, but CCI was the only one that had an option for adults. If I went this summer, I might end up having to go with them and doing the language school program just because it might cost less. I'm going to go find out how much a plane ticket to Germany would be...I'll post again later. Tschüss!

Coming Home

THEY'RE COMING HOME TODAY!!! I have never missed my family so much since I can remember. I even miss little William. I didn't even miss them this much when I went on vacation for 2 1/2 weeks with the Hughes'. Nine days. Nine long days. Their plane is expected as of late at 8:26 tonight. Anyone, everyone, come and welcome the Haiti team back! HOORAY!!!

Bad Emotions Suck

I miss being happy. I feel like a lump of nothingness.

the Goings On

Why is it that we have to be forced to do something that we're completely uninterested in? My English class was split into five groups on Tuesday and each group recieved a piece of paper with the name of a literary critiquing style on it. We have been told to give a presentation on Tuesday about five different aspects of our style. Since I had read the chapter that we were supposed to read before coming to class that day, I knew a little about each of the critiquing styles, what the look for, their viewpoint, and so on. The one that I completely disagreed with was the Marxism style and for time and your sanity's sake, I won't go on that rant. Anyway, Tuesday morning, our group representative has returned with our piece of paper. She unfolded the paper and laid it on the table. There it was, in big letters, MARXISM. Just my luck. Now I have to research some crap on Marxism and give some stupid presentation on what I found along with my group. I am really not enjoying this class and if it weren't for the fact that I need 12 hours of class to stay on insurance, I would drop it. I love the teacher, but I'm really hating the class. I DON'T WANT TO BE A FREAKING LITERARY CRITIC!!! There. I got it out.

I found out the other day that Josh's 10-week study abroad trip to Germany will cost about $6,000. My dreams of going to Germany in summers are crushed.

I don't think I have ever been so lonely in my life. You never realize how lonely your own house is until your family isn't there anymore. I have housesat for longer than this and I never got lonely like this. I guess it's different when it's your own house.

I have to go to work today and I don't want to.

I'm very tired and I don't feel good. I haven't been able to sleep well recently. I've also been having dizzy spells. Those little buggers are scary.

I read the entirety of Ecclesiastes. That book is depressing. There is no hope. I was told that it was a great book because when taken out of context, it was depressing as if there was no hope, but that the truth was revealed that God is all you need; He is your hope. I haven't really found this to be true. On occasion Solomon (the author of the book) does mention that God can save us from this wretched place, but the book itself can be summed up in only a few sentances: Don't be too wise, don't be too foolish. Everything under the sun is meaningless. Death is better than life, and having not been born is better than all. Where is the hope in that?

I think I'll go take a nap before I go to work. Maybe I'll get a little relief from my tiredhead and frustrations.

Missing Them

I knew I missed them, but now my heart is broken. I recieved this e-mail just this morning:

Hi, all!

We made it safely to the mission compound in Cayes! No problems other
than minor illnesses. Can't wait to tell you all about it!\

Love,
The Haiti Worship Team

P.S. Julie, I love you! Mom

I wanted them home badly before, but now it's just unbearable having to wait.

I just noticed how lonely I am. Maybe that's why I can't sleep well.

Let 'Em Go

They all fall like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
Oh, as they all fall like a million pieces
A tickertape parade high
Now you're free to fly

Carrying a millstone malaise
It's been pulling down your gaze
You pound the pavement
It don't give or care
This weight ain't yours to bear
Why you holding grudges in old jars?
Why you wanna show off all your scars?
What's it gonna take to lay your burdens down?
It's a beautiful sound...

And they all fall like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
Oh and they all fall like a million pieces
A tickertape parade high
Now you're free to fly

When that muffled sigh
Says you're barely getting by
Cut your burdens loose
And just simplify. Simplify!
This is not your floor
You're going higher than before
Drop the weight now wait for the lookout guide
Look outside...

As they all fall like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
Oh, as they all fall like a million pieces
A tickertape parade high
Now you're free to fly

You gotta lay that burden down
You gotta lay that burden down
It's time to leave your burdens in a pile
Set a bonfire
'Cause when you lay your burdens down
When you drop them burdens
What a free-fall
What a thrill
Bury them all in a landfill

They all fall like a million raindrops
Falling from a blue sky
Kissing your cares goodbye
Oh, oh, they all fall like a million pieces
A tickertape parade high
Now you're free to fly

Million Pieces by Newsboys

Sometimes, you just gotta let 'em go...
Isn't it nice to be in His hands?

In Response

A response to the comments on my last post:

I thought about going for a double major, but in order for someone to do that the subjects that they want to major in have to be at the same school. Vet tech is in Lancaster, TX at Cedar Valley College, German teacher would most likely be in Denton, TX at UNT. I don't think I can attend two schools at once and there isn't enough time for me to go to one, then the other.

The months have been entered in German from Austria. There were other options, such as Germany from Germany or Switzerland, but I opted for Austrian German just to be different. I'll change it.

I said something stupid again and I'm really hoping I didn't cause any damage. We'll see how it plays out.

My wireless internet has been down the past couple of days and it's really starting to annoy me. Obviously, I'm on a land line at the moment, but I hope to fix the problem. I think I know what the problem might be, but I don't know where my parents keep the internet information and I can't ask them because they're in Haiti.

Speaking of which, off I go to attempt to fix the internet again. Tschüss!

For Now

Wow, so many great comments on the last entry. Thank you all so much for your insight!

For now the plans are these: I will go to school for vet tech and during the summer, I will do study abroad or be a foreign exchange student all summer. That way, I'll get the best of three worlds; I'll have a "sturdy career" that I know I will enjoy, I get to learn German, and I get to learn it from a native tongue and don't use those incredibly formal phrases taught in America. I had noticed (from feedback from friends, of course) that native German or Austrian teachers did a much better job of teaching than the American raised, took classes in college teachers. Granted, I am American raised, but I'll have minor exposure in the summer, enough to get some of the language down, and maybe when I'm done with vet school I can live there for a year or maybe even take a break from vet stuff and live there for a year.

Truth is, given the opportunity, I'd get my basics done and just haul off to Germany and live there for a year and work on language. I wouldn't go to vet school when I got home, but I'd keep my job at the animal hospital. If I moved, I'd find another clinic to work at.

The only problem with following my passion, Mrs. B, is that I don't know if I would enjoy the job of teaching. That's my only concern with going that route. I know my parents wouldn't let/want me to get a degree in German and "do nothing with it" and continue working at the vet clinic. That is what I want to do, but I don't think that's what will happen - things never work out the way I want them to. I don't know what else I would do with a German degree other than teach. I don't think I could work as a translator around here. I really don't know what else I could do with it other than to teach.

I'm thinking and praying about it. I figure it's a good way to get my prayer life back on track, or existing, for that matter. As always, it's a decision between what I want and what others want for me, what's fun and what's good for me. *shrug* It's nothing I can't handle, otherwise God wouldn't have given it to me.

Thank you all for your comments and advice. Oh, Chris, I'd be teaching the little ones the two languages at once. :) Tschüss!

Cannot Decide

Teacher or Vet Tech? This has been a question that has been turning the gears of my mind since school started this year. There are, as is for everything, pros and cons to both, but I cannot decide which would be the best for me in the end.

If I went to school to be a Vet Tech, I would go through school to learn to do something that I enjoy doing and have fun with. I know I can do this job and I know I won't get bored with it because it's a job that uses brainpower and it's not a dead-end job; nothing becomes mundane. I would get reasonable pay (assuming I can find the practice that does so) and I could easily quit when I start having children. I would only need 5 hours per year in order to stay registered and that could be arranged with the local practice. Of course there would be the conferences that I would need to attend to stay informed on the latest medicines and practices and such, but nothing too terribly time consuming.

On the other hand, going to school and majoring in German and minoring in education (and/or English) and teaching German would mean that I had a job that had something to do with one of my passions. I believe that I have a passion about the German language, at least learning it, but I don't know if I could teach it. I say that to people and their response is always the same, "You'll take classes that teach you how to teach." It sounds odd, but it's true; I will take classes that do such things. But just because I take classes on how to teach doesn't mean that I would be a good teacher. If I taught, I would want to be the teacher that makes class fun and interesting; my students would learn through doing and hopefully enjoy the class overall. I'd want to be like Mrs. Souder is to me; fun, engaging, challenging, and encouraging. I don't know if I could be the teacher that I want to be; besides, I talk too much. I'm not sure about the pay; a friend who is a teacher tells me that it depends on the school district. I do not know how easy it would be to quit to have children; I suppose that depends on the district, too. The registration for teachers lasts for 5 years; at the end of which, if you haven't taken a certain number of hours in a continuing education type thing, you have to retake a test to become registered again. I'd have to take a language class before I decided to be a teacher, anyway. I've never been to one and I think I'd need to know how it works.

Ever since I learned that my Great Grandmother came to America from Germany and that my Grandmother, who is full-blooded German, does not speak a word of German, I have been fascinated with the German language and culture, wanting to learn as much about it as possible. I have even toyed with the idea of being a missionary in Germany. They are a dark country and they need the light of God. I want to be a foreign exchange/study abroad student there, live there for a while, to see for myself the details of the language and life there and the culture. There's only so much one can learn from a classroom, you know? I have, for a very long time, wanted to be bilingual and wanted to teach my children a foreign language before they learn English so that the family can speak the foreign language to each other, but know English so that we can function in America. What better way to learn the language than to live in the country and learn it from the natives? Who knows, I may discover that Germany is not as cool as I think it is and decide that I really don't want to be a part of it?

I'm trying to be careful in choosing which way I go. My parents (Mom) say that I should go into the Vet Tech field since I've always wanted to be a doctor and that I seemed to be so passionate about the field not too long ago. It's true, I was, but I hadn't yet learned that my passion for German was attainable. Both careers are equally accessible, both I can quit to have children relatively easily, both involve things that I love. Neither are real concrete on pay, since pay depends on the location of the job. One I am certain to enjoy, the other is not known. One I know I can do, the other is unsure. Do I follow my heart or my brain? Do I pursue what I want or do what I know would be profitable? I want my decision to be my own, not my parents', not my friends'. I don't want others to decide for me, I want to make an informed decision. I suppose I could head for what I want and if I don't like it I can go the other way. I don't know what to do. Any ideas or advice would me much appreciated and very welcome. Have a great night, all.

-End of Transmission-

Woot, Woot!

Hey there all you guys and girls out there! I am in a fantastic mood. I went to school this morning, came home for lunch, went back to school for my last class, and came home again. I got home in a great mood, I washed my car, I dusted and vacuumed inside, I raked the yard and cleaned the kitchen. John cleaned the bathroom, he swept in the living room, dining room and kitchen, and cleaned the kitchen counters and the dining room table. William raked a little bit and we're working on getting him to finish his second load of dishes. In other words, we worked our butts off today and now the house (and my car) is that much cleaner! Woohoo!

I'm really excited about school this semester, too. Here's my schedule:
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
9-10 am: Human Sexuality (psych class)
10-11 am: Beginning Algebra
1-2 pm: Music Appreciation

Tuesday, Thursday
8-9 am: Literature and Composition

I have a couple really cool classes and I'm so pumped about them! I have to go - my parents got home and it's dinner time! Mmmmmm...pizza.....

Read Previous Blog First

Isn't it interesting that a lot of this came up one year ago as well?

Problems

Problems are interesting in that they happen in many different forms to each individual alive. Some problems seem impossible at the time, but really time makes the difference because the answer has to be learned, much like a baby learning to use his hands and fingers. Some problems have an easy answer and may or may not be easy to find, depending on the location of the answer, such as why the toaster doesn't toast anymore when the plug isn't in the electrical socket. Others are problems with varying complexities but all have simple solutions. The catch is that the answers to these problems are virtually unattainable. Schemes can be devised to fix the problem, but each one falls short in some manner. It is these types of problems that can last a lifetime. A lot of these problems are self-inflicted; a single mistake can make one, but oftentimes the mistake isn't known until it's too late to fix the problem. Such problems are the ones riddling my life at the moment. Actually, it is one specific problem that I am sure will haunt me all the days of my life. It is not necessarily something that I did wrong in order to assume this problem, for the responsibility was bound to come someday. I'd like not to have to, but I blame it on poor parenting, in the literal sense. The question is cliche, yes, but I can't help but ask, "Why me?"

No money.

No best friend.

No education.

No trust.

No compassion.

No help.

No support.

No encouragement.

No strength.

I like to think I'm a very capable woman, with the world at my feet. In a way, I am. In the other, I am nothing but a peasant, scrounging for food; settling for dumpster juice.

I am alone in this, it seems. The only friend I thought could empathize has grown away from me. I have no female support, no guidance. I cannot look to the one closest to me except for how not to do things. I cannot trust those far away from me. The friends I once had are now becoming people I despise. There is no one person who has always been there, throughout my entire life, to which I can turn. There is one who will always be with me, or at least I hope. Once again, I feel alone.

I was in such a fantastic mood today. I looked beautiful, but more importantly I felt beautiful (if you're a girl, you know what I mean). I had a wonderful day with Josh, full of all sorts of excitement and surprises. Lunch, armadillos, ice skating, Fun with Dick and Jane (you don't want a movie review from me on this one), dinner, great company, and love. All of a sudden it came crashing down. My once-in-a-blue-moon great mood was slashed and annihilated by reality. Cloud 9 stopped floating; this version of hell I call my life came back into my eyes, bringing nothing but pain, helplessness, and tears with it. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go, I don't know who to turn to. Until I figure out what to do, my life as I know it will be drowned in tears.

Tschüss.

*throws horns up*

NATIONAL CHAMPIONS! WE DID IT!!! We won the title of national champions at the Rose Bowl tonight. We had a perfect season - completely undefeated! Woohoo! GO LONGHORNS!!!

Long Time, No Speak

Boy, it's been a while. Sorry it's been so long. With all the fuss of the holidays and such, I haven't had much time to post.

My holidays were wonderful this year. Josh loves his blanket (I haven't finished the pillowcase yet), my family loved their presents, Josh and I had a great time when we were with both of our families. I've gotten to spend a lot of time with Josh; it's been really great to see him and have him only 20 minutes away again. I'm anxious for school to start again...not looking forward to it.

I found out my grades for last semester, and they were exactly as I predicted. A in English, A in Speech, B in Math (pre-algebra), and D in Biology. I'm going to retake Biology next semester. I'm also going to take English 2 and beginning algebra, the next level of developmental math (it's required). I have to take 12 hours; and I don't know what other classes to take. I'll probably take a history class since I have to. When I register, I'll see how many hours that will be and if I have to take another class, it'll probably be either economics or government. We'll see.

I've seen some new movies, some of which I like, and some of which I don't. One that I'm going to buy as soon as it comes out on DVD in Memoirs of a Geisha. I haven't cried at a movie in a long time. I thought that movie was fantastic. I really, really, want that movie. It was so great. I loved it, anyway.

Well, I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed now. I'll talk to you shmoes later. Hope your holidays were great! Tschüss!

I Have To Tell the World

Last Tuesday, I woke up at 5 am to work on the final details of my research paper due in English the following day. I went to work at 8:30 am and didn't get home until about 8:30 or 9. I immediately went to work to finish the paper, finished by 11:30, then I went to work on my portfolio that was worth 400 points, half of my grade in English. I finished my portfolio at about 6:45 am, then I got dressed and ate so that I could leave the house on time. I took a nap at 3 o'clock that afternoon after having stayed awake for 34 hours; my first all nighter.

It payed off, too. I e-mailed my teacher to ask how we were going to know our grades for the class. Here's the response I recieved: "“A” on the wonderful portfolio and an “A” for the class (only because I’m very sure they don’t let me give any higher!) :)

Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Love,
Donna"
That means that I got the highest grade possible!!! I just opened it and was crying because I was so happy! I can't believe it!

Freedom

I'M DONE WITH MY FIRST SEMESTER OF COLLEGE!!! I have yet to find out my final grades, but I'll post them on here when I find out. I'm just so happy to be done!

Tschüss!

Current emotion: *runs around room screaming and ripping hair from head by the handfull*

I am so emotional right now.
I am stressed.
I am confused.
I am hurting.
I am ashamed.
I am exhausted.
I'm thinking way more than I'm supposed to be.
I want things to happen and am not patient.
I know what I want to do with my life, but I don't know what to do with the present.
I just want to sit here and cry.
I want relief.

The Conclusion Is...

Upon reading past blogs I have come to this conclusion:

I suck as a human being.

Yeah, you heard me. I suck as a human being. 'Nuff said.