Think Positive

Day #2
Today what makes me thankful is... Josh is a good husband.

Today what makes me happy is... that I have a doctors appointment on Thursday.

Today what makes me free is... the laundry doesn't need to be done.

We Didn't Go

The morning we were supposed to go to Munich, the alarm went off on Josh's phone; he turned it off and set it for later. That one went off, too, and was turned off. I didn't know he had set an alarm, so I wasn't prepared to get him up when it went off. Consequently, we didn't get up until the train we were going to take at 9:00 had already left. There wasn't another fast regional train until 14:00. I was still prepared to go, though I honestly had mixed feelings about it. I really wanted to take a peek at Oktoberfest, hoping that it really was more than a bier fest and we would stay there all day. I also really wanted to go to the Deutsches Musem which is basically the German equivalent of the Smithsonian. We found a train that left at 13:08, but Josh hadn't gotten ready because of his own mixed feelings. I was disappointed because we didn't get to go and now the regret of not going to Oktoberfest is setting in. I really should have made him get up and go, but I wasn't sure if I was up to going, either; my cold is still here and not getting any better. Now I really am kicking myself. I knew I would regret it, but that wasn't motivation enough, apparently. Maybe we'll go next year; get a group of people to go with us or something.

I'm ready to go home. I need something familiar. I'm tired of eating stuff out of boxes because they don't have anything else at the grocery store. I feel like a horrible wife because the only useful things I do are cooking, dishes, laundry, tidying up the room, and posting pictures on the internet. I won't start language classes until we move into the new apartment. I can't leave the apartment during the day because I don't have the key and the front door is the type that you need the key to close (latch) or open the door from the outside. I can't talk with my friends and family on a regular basis at all; Rebecca is the only person that is as crazy about being online as I am, so I get to talk to her quite a bit, which is so good. I'm probably in the homesick phase. We were talking with a guy in the hostel's common room a few weeks ago and he said that when he traveled for over a year, he would get into a homesick phase about once every month or two that would last a couple of weeks. He said after the homesick phase he went into the i'm-glad-i'm-somewhere-new-and-exciting phase, and that the two phases just played back and forth. I'm comfortable where I am, I know where the grocery store is, I know where the subway entrances are, I know where the train station is, I know where the nearest Döner Kebab place is (right around the corner from the apartment!), but I don't feel at home. I am so bored.

I need to start over with Robyn's idea. I haven't done this since January. I stopped at day #12. Oops.

Day #1
Today what makes me thankful is... that I have a husband that takes good care of me.

Today what makes me happy is... the sun is shining!

Today what makes me free is... I don't have a job or classes to take away from my time to spend with Josh.

Have a great day! Tschüss!

Pictures Up!

After much thought and discussion, we realized that putting the pictures on a new blog or another site would be rather inconvenient for you. We decided that putting them on Facebook would be much easier for everyone involved. At first, we were going to make a new album for every section we wanted to post. But we couldn't write much in the album itself. Then we decided that in addition to the album, we would write a note to correspond with the album, and in the album we could make reference to the note. What I ended up doing is making a note and posting the pictures in the note. It works exactly like we were wanting the photo blog to and it's more convenient for everyone! It does take a while to create one of these notes, only because I can only upload one picture at a time. The good thing about it is that I can be writing about the picture as I'm uploading it. I have named this photo blog note Deutscher Explorer; be looking for these on my Facebook!
I have some catching up to do with the Deutscher Explorer, but I think one episode per day will be enough to get caught up.

I'm trying to get Josh to go to Munich this weekend; we may be able to tour the Oktoberfest grounds and take pictures without having to buy any beer. We had decided not to go to Oktoberfest because neither of us really care for beer and if you don't get there early in the morning, you can't get a table, and if you can't get a table you can't get beer. We never heard anything else about Oktoberfest, so we figured all that was there was beer and it's pointless to go if we don't like beer. But if we can get in and shoot some pictures, that'd be great! We also wanted to look around Munich and see some sights there. I also want to get Josh some Lederhosen. I got a Dirndl last time we were there, when we visited Rebecca, but we decided to wait on the Lederhosen because they're a bit pricey. I'll put up pictures when I get them.

I hope you are all having a good day. I hope the weather is better there than it is here; gray and cool...yuck. I miss the sunshine! Have a wonderful day, all! Tschüs!

Wanderntag II

Yesterday Josh and I went on another Wanderntag (Hiking Day) with one of his classes. The all female class of 14-year-olds, 26 in all, their teacher, Josh, and I went to Würzburg for the day. The group was split into pairs and gave presentations at different parts of the city. We got to see the outside of a lot of buildings; Josh said we could go back soon and see the inside of all the buildings.

During the lunch/shopping break, Josh took me to the Chinese restaurant, called Asia-Kim, that he ate at all the time when he was doing his study abroad in Würzberg. The food was fantastic and came out in these miniature woks set atop a holder with a tea light under it, to keep the food warm. It was delicious! Josh got the green curry, of course, and I got the fried noodles with pork. I tried some of Josh's curry and I actually liked it! None of the other curries he's gotten were anywhere near as good as this; he has been searching at every Thai and Indian restaurant to find a curry to top the one at Asia-Kim and he hasn't found one yet! So delicious!

After lunch, we all went on a boat ride down the river. I got some pretty cool pictures. We had a great conversation with his teacher during the ride; she's such a nice lady!

I got to talk to Mom last night; that was really cool! Unfortunately, she and Dad are home, sick with "flu-like symptoms" according to their doctor, but they did swab their noses for Swine Flu. One kid at Mom's school has it, which, I assume, is why they checked Mom for it. I talked to my coworker the other night and she said that Swine Flu is circulating at work. I guess I left just in time, huh? ;) Just kidding, Jen.

Speaking of illnesses, I still haven't gotten rid of my cold. I'm starting to wonder if it's more than a cold; I've had a sore throat for a few days and I can't seem to get rid of it. We have exhausted our supply of Sudafed and taken a huge chunk out of our Tylenol supply. Right now all I can take is Mucinex, Benadryl, and Tylenol, and hope that the Mucinex will get the drainage out of my throat while the Benadryl stops the drainage from happening. The Tylenol keeps me from feeling like I'm swallowing glass every time I swallow. I checked for the white speckles on my tonsils to make sure it isn't strep. I think I'm ready to give in and go to the doctor. Maybe.

Well, I'm going to go make breakfast for Josh and I. I'm getting pretty hungry. I'm going to make a fried egg sandwich. Mmmmmmmm. Have a good day, all. Tschüs!

News!

Josh finally got rid of his cold. He gave it to me. :( Literally the day he felt back to normal was the day I started feeling poorly. That's how married life works, I guess.

I have some great news...my baby brother is engaged! John asked Ruthy to marry him and she said yes! I am so proud of him and so excited for both of them. Ruthy is a great girl and fits John perfectly. They won't get married until Ruthy's done with school, which is in about three years. John will be getting out of the Air Force by then, so it works out great!

The apartment room we're renting is nice. I wish we were staying here for longer; it's tough to get used to one place and then have to settle in to another, ya know? Percy has been gone for three days; it's odd, even for him. He's been really nice when he is here and actually out of his room.

We haven't really been out to see much. We went on a Wanderntag with Josh's school last Wednesday to this huge indoor playground thing. It's a lot like Leaps and Bounds used to be, but this place is MUCH cooler. I should be putting the pictures up today. We're going on another Wanderntag with Josh's other school this Wednesday; they're going to Würzberg. I'm not sure what they plan on doing there and Josh doesn't know either. I just know that the school is kind enough to let me join in on the fun! I'll take lots of pictures and put them on the blog.

Josh and I started watching (re-watching for him) Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni, an anime about some high school age kids and a Cotton Festival. It's pretty creepy; so far I can't really tell what's going on, but I'm very intrigued and can't wait to see if the following episodes explain the story a little better. I'm going to introduce Josh to Girl's Bravo, one of my all-time favorite animes. It's absolutely hilarious!

Not Much to Say

We're doing ok in the room we're renting. The biggest problem we had/have is the lack of a clothes dryer. We knew we would have to use a clothes line and don't have a problem with it. However, the only clothes line that Percy has is in his bathroom and is very SMALL. We can't even fit a whole load of clothes (which is tiny in and of itself) on the clothes line. Plus, it takes FOREVER to dry clothes when they're inside, even when the window is open. We took our jeans off the clothes line after four days and even then they were still damp in the waist. On the up side, I found out that my little ankle socks are nearly dry when they come out of the washer, so I don't have to hang them up but for a few hours. We have learned the hard way that we do not wait until we have no more clothing to do the laundry.

Please pray for Josh as he has a cold and can't seem to get rid of it. We don't have any cold medicine with us and we can't find it at the stores. He should go to the doctor, but we haven't called to make him an appointment yet; he doesn't really want to go. I think he should; he was making these horrible vocal sounds while he was sleeping; it really creeped me out!

I think that's it for now. Have a good day! Tschüs!

Apartment Time

Well, we're moving into an apartment tonight (at 9:30pm). We have 8 bags with us, so we're moving half tonight and half in the morning; leaving the bags we're taking tomorrow in their lockers at the hostel. The apartment is actually a room in a man's apartment. In November, he's flying to Japan to visit his wife and he's not allowed to rent his room when he's not living there, which means that we have to have another apartment found by October. I was so hoping to be done with apartment searching once we found one.

It's going to be awkward for me to live there with a strange guy. He speaks German with a very heavy Spanish accent and it's difficult for even Josh to understand, which means I have no hope of communication with the man. I'm really not looking forward to it, but then again, it's only for a month and a half; very temporary.

I am exhausted. I haven't been able to sleep for the past four nights for various reasons; drunken people across the street from the hostel who partied loudly outside, right next to our window, people who snore so loudly the windows rattle, or it's just plain cold. It's also been difficult sharing a room with up to seven other people (only males have shared our room so far) and being married, if you know what I mean. This whole situation doesn't feel right; it feels too forced, too awkward.

There is one great thing that happened. I met a girl named Rebecca. I lovingly call her "wench" and she loves it. We're very much alike; so much so that it's scary. She's older than me, 25, and she's a nurse. She lives in Massachusetts. She's staying in München (Munich) now and leaves on Saturday, but tomorrow Josh and I are going to München, meeting up with Wench, and are going to Dachau together (Dachau is a concentration camp). I can't wait to see her again; I missed her company yesterday afternoon after she left for München. Josh and I met her at the hostel the night before last, spent the whole night together eating out (at the oldest sausage restaurant in Nürnberg), playing Phase 10, talking, and watching silly videos online. We spent the next morning together as well; I made enough breakfast for everyone, then we all sat and chatted until she had to leave for her train. Josh and I walked her to the station and we said our see-you-laters there. I can't wait to see her tomorrow - she's a ton of fun and has a great sense of humor!

Well, I have to run. We have an appointment with Deutsche Bank at 15:00. Tschüs!

Wir sind jetzt in Deutschland!

Hallo from Deutschland! We've explored Nürnberg and taken lots of pictures, have tried Ice (Gelato - Germans LOVE ice cream!) and other German foods, have had the best bratwurst in the world, and seen some pretty cool sights. We're still searching for an apartment, though. We get to see one tonight and I hope it works out for us. I'm going to start our picture blog this afternoon some time; I'll put a link to it in the sidebar for you.

We have to go to the grocery store now. I know this post is short, but I'll make up for it on the picture blog, I promise! :D Tschüs!

Tomorrow

We leave for Germany tomorrow. It just hit me this morning. Germany has been a plan, an idea, for so long that I haven't even considered the reality of it. It seems so strange to think that I will actually be in Germany in just over 24 hours. Crazy, isn't it?

I'm going to go play a video game with Josh and Austin, then go to dinner with my family. I just wanted to post a blurb before we start the big move. It may be a few days before I post again; it really depends on how the apartment hunting goes. Bis später. Aufwiedersehen!

Leaving Soon

We leave for Germany in two and a half days. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. We don't have an apartment rented yet; we wanted to see it before we put down a deposit, so we've made reservations at a hostel for four nights, which gives us five days to find an apartment, which should be plenty of time. I'm not worried about finding one, honestly. I'm more worried about where to put our valuables before we find it.

Gotta run to dinner with the Gunter family!

Freedom In Poetry

It's a comfort, really, writing poetry. You can be as cryptic or as blunt as you like. You don't even have to use correct sentence structure or punctuation or grammar. For a person like me, the one dubbed the "Grammar Police" by her husband, there's a freedom in poetry. It's like a painting for me. I've always wanted to be able to paint, but every time I try it doesn't come out the way my mind sees it. With poetry, it always comes out the way I want it; I can fix its mistakes and correct it, perfect it.

I really miss coffee with Lori.

New Apartment

It isn't final yet, but we've found an apartment that we're interested in for Germany. It's in Nünberg and it's a 35 minute walk from Josh's schools. He said if he can take a streetcar, it'll only be a 10 minute walk to school. Looking at the different apartments was neat, but after I picked my favorite, I got kind of scared. I don't really know why, but it's a kind of excited-scared. Anyway, here are the pics: http://www.mitwohnzentrale-franken.de/fotos/8000814/

Playing House

I figured out how to describe married life; at least what it feels like for me right now. It feels like I'm playing house. You know when you're kids and you say to your next door neighbor, "I'll be the wife and you be the husband" and he says, "Ok." and you run around making your "house," cooking meals out of dirt and leaves and water (possibly even "coffee" out of dirt and water), and making sure your "kids" (whatever baby dolls you had) were fed, played with, and sleeping well.

Except for the baby part, this is pretty much what my life feels like at the moment. Doing all the "right" things, the things I've seen my mother, my friend's mothers, and the mothers on t.v. do, without a clue as to what is actually right for me and my husband. I'm trying a little bit of everything to see what he and I like best. For instance, he really likes it when I get up with him in the morning, eat breakfast with him, and pack his lunch for him. He can do it by himself, but he enjoys my company and I enjoy his company. I find myself more productive when I get up with him anyway, so it's good for everyone concerned!

Nana and Pa come back this evening. I'm not looking forward to it. I was really enjoying the house to myself, having quiet writing times like this one, no annoying Dudley (their Jack Russel Terrier) to bark shrilly every time the neighbor dogs go outside or if he hears something strange. Shrill bark + tile floors = headaches for all. Don't get me wrong, I love Nana and Pa (and Dudley), and I enjoy their company, but I guess I feel more married when they aren't here, probably because it really is just Josh and I.

It's kind of scary - we move to Germany in two weeks. *gasp* It feels like Germany isn't really that close, but it is. It'll be an interesting part of my life, one that I will never forget. I can't wait to go and see what it's like!

Well, I have laundry to fold, so I'd better get to it. The last load is in the dryer right now and should be done in about 20 minutes. Have a great day today! Aufwiedersehen!

Married Life

Well, what is there to say? How is one to describe married life? It feels like my regular life with a few different things: I live with Josh, I sleep with Josh, and I make dinner for Josh (and me, of course). Maybe I don't feel married yet because, in a sense, we've been mooching off of other people and haven't really lived on our own. Nana and Paw are on vacation and have been for a week. This absence of their presence is the first time that Josh and I have been on our own, though it is nothing like living on your own.

How would I describe married life? I feel like a stay at home mom. Minus the children part and the paying bills part and the cleaning everything in sight part. I do clean the kitchen; I'm meticulous in that area. Right now the stove is not clean, there is bacon grease on it. I can't clean it, which is bothering me, because the one sponge in the entire household...reeks. That's the best and most accurate word to describe it. I need to go buy more.

I need to go to the grocery store. I've been putting it off all day. Super huge list of things + unfamiliar grocery store = WAY more time than necessary to shop. I've never been a fan of grocery shopping; when I did it while house sitting, I had my list, I got what I needed, and was in and out in no time. Instead of shopping at HEB today, I think I'll try and get it all done at Target. At least those stores are easy to figure out. HEB has the most confusing, convoluted layout imaginable. If you've ever been in one, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

My lunch of cream cheese corn and fruit cocktail is satisfactory. I needed more cream cheese in the corn, but I'm lazy and my corn is almost gone. Next time, perhaps.

I'm going back to Flower Mound this weekend to finish up the room. Everything's packed, but I want to get rid of the Goodwill bags, vacuum and clean up a bit, and get the room ready for the littlest brother to move into. Right now, he's anxious about moving in there because it's unfamiliar. I don't blame him. When I first moved in there, at age 8, the streetlamp outside the window was really bright; it took some getting used to, as did the cars that drove by, shining their lights in the window. I'm hoping that when I get everything ready for him, he won't be so worried about sleeping in there.

Since I'm going back in town this weekend, I wanted to set up a get-together for the girls so we could say our goodbyes and spend some precious moments together. I should have said, "I'll be here at this time and this place to see this movie, come if you like." That would have been much easier on everyone. Maybe I'm just being selfish.

Oh, hey. Today, Josh and I have been married for a whole month. Heh. And you thought it wouldn't last. ;) It seems like just yesterday we were partying at the reception. I had a blast at our wedding. I don't think it could have turned out better! ^_^

I really need to get to the store. I've procrastinated as long as I can. At least it only takes 45 minutes to make dinner :D Aufwiedersehen!

Gramma Julie

That was how she always signed her name on cards and letters.

I had a strange dream about her last night. My mother, my aunt Polly and I were at Grandma's house with Grandma. For whatever reason, the doctor told us the exact time she would die; at 6:00 that night. At 5:30 Grandma took Polly to the back room to tell her something private. Mom started getting worried about Grandma at around five to six and started cleaning the china in the china cabinet in the living room. At 6:10, Grandma came out of her bedroom by herself and walked into the living room looking extremely sleepy. She said, "Carol, Mark" and collapsed on the floor and wet herself. Mom freaked out and started crying. I picked Grandma up by the arms and put her on her back in the kitchen floor in case she had anymore accidents. One of my arms was holding her head; Grandma reached for the other one and held it tight. She was looking straight into my eyes with a sleepy smile on her face. Then she said, "Carol" again. I beckoned mom over there, but she didn't want to come because she thought Grandma was gone. I assured her she was still alive and Mom said that she was crying too much. I told her I was crying too (I had a river of tears streaming down my face) and she came, sat beside her, and grasped her arm. Grandma looked from Mom to me and smiled the sleepy smile again. Her eyes looked sleepy; they were half open. I told her that I loved her, she said she loved me, too. I told her I would finish my book of her and she said, "Of course you will." Then she closed her eyes and she was gone. I woke up sobbing, which freaked Josh out.

This is not really how she died. For those of you who don't know, my favorite grandmother died on July 17, 2009. What happened was Grandma's best friend, Flossie, had been calling her all day, from the morning until the afternoon. Flossie was worried because even if Grandma had been working in the yard (which she did to the day she died) she would have come in by the afternoon time. So Flossie drove over to Grandma's house. Her car was there, her door was unlocked, but no lights were on. She went into the house and there Grandma was, apparently asleep in front of the tv. Flossie said you'd never know she wasn't asleep by looking at her. The death certificate said that Grandma was found at 9:10pm. Flossie said there was a piece of toast sitting on a plate on the table, which was most likely from breakfast. She had been in that chair all day, apparently watching television.

When my family got back from the rehearsal dinner, Dad checked the answering machine messages. I was in my room, making sure I had everything that I needed to get ready in the morning. I heard my mom call my brothers and I. I knew from the sound of her voice exactly what she was going to say. She didn't have tears, but she was extremely solemn. William and I met her in the hallway in front of John's bedroom door; John listened from his computer chair, eyes on us. Mom said, "Grandma died today" and my fears were confirmed. Now I really wasn't be able to sleep. My wedding was tomorrow, all the stress of that included, now my favorite grandparent had died.

You can ask Josh, it meant so much for her to be at the wedding. I kept telling her in my head, "You made it to 91, you just have 2 weeks left. This is easy for you. Just 2 weeks." She made it two weeks, but not to the wedding. To honor her at the wedding, we had a white long-stemmed rose walked down the aisle. John's girlfriend Ruthy carried it to the framed photograph of Grandma, which sat in her place in the row. It wasn't much and only a few people knew what it meant, but it felt like she was there. People kept telling me she was. Josh told me it was a good thing that she went the way she did. It was quiet and peaceful, like she would have wanted it. He said that it was good because she wasn't on her way here, causing panic and trauma for Polly, it wasn't at the rehearsal/dinner, causing panic and trauma for all the attendees, and it wasn't at the wedding, either; it was in her house in her favorite chair, doing something she enjoyed.

I sat there in bed this morning, thinking about writing this post and whether I should or not. I thought about all the things I didn't get to ask her. All the things that I really wanted to know. I'll never really know her side of the story. I can know what she did and how things played out, but I'll never know what she felt about it, what she thought about it.

I decided to write this post for closure. She was cremated before we got the call. She had always wanted to be cremated so that her children wouldn't have to fuss about (and pay for) a funeral and burial for her. My uncle had spoken with her and gotten permission to scatter her ashes in the Wichita mountain range near her home, in her five most favorite places. I had always known she wanted to be cremated, but I had always expected an open-casket memorial service first. Seeing the body provides closure in and of itself. Since she was cremated and I wasn't able to be with my family as they scattered her ashes, I won't have any real closure.

I helped my mom and aunt clean out Grandma's house when I got back from the honeymoon. It was weird, being in her house, seeing all her stuff exactly where it had been for years, but not seeing her there. She wasn't in the yard, she wasn't in the kitchen, she wasn't in her chair. Mom and Polly had sorted through her stuff for three days and didn't hit the tip of the iceberg as far as getting stuff out of the house goes. All of the children (and spouses) had gathered the things that they really wanted. That's what Mom and Polly were working on. They took it one section at a time. They have to get the house ready to try and sell it. Grandma lived there for over 40 years; there's a lot of stuff to go through and a lot of stuff to repair.

No one knows why she died. I say she was just old. My mom said that she'd been having some heart problems. I can imagine that. She had lost two husbands, her parents, and her brothers. She only had her friends and family to love her. I don't know how she wasn't constantly lonely. Probably because she was so darn stubborn. Perhaps she was too stubborn to let loneliness affect her. I say she was just old. She is the strongest, most courageous woman I know. She has been through so many difficult times, so many interesting times, and came out on top.

This is why I started a book about her life. Not a biography. An account of her life, things that really happened, things she really did, but fictionalized dialogue. I'm going to try to finish it in Germany; I'm hoping that I can visit Mannheim (where her mother came from) and I'm hoping that it'll give me inspiration, that Deutschland itself will give me the inspiration I need. I did show Grandma the best part already, the part before the book that most writers use to dedicate to their loved ones. I used it to tell her what I think of her, that I admire her, what she means to me, and that I love her. She knew.

I should go now. I have my heart-stopping breakfast of bacon, eggs fried in bacon grease, and Activia to finish. My food is cold, but I don't care. I wanted to write this, to get it off my chest, to give myself some closure. I never had time to grieve, so I grieved this morning, on here, with you. I get to go to Flower Mound tonight and see my family and some friends. I'm excited to see them; I miss them. I hope I didn't bring you down; please don't let me do that. Be happy! :D :D :D Be happy, because I'm happy, because Grandma is in heaven right now, praising God and giving Him all the glory, which was her most favorite thing to do.

Time Flies When Your Mind is Occupied

Wow. I didn't realize it has been three months. A lot has happened since then. I got married, went on a honeymoon, packed up almost all of my stuff from my parent's house, moved it all into storage, and moved to Austin.

The wedding was amazing from our point of view. Josh and I had a blast and wish we could do it again, minus the stress and $$$ out the wazoo. Some of the pictures are up on Facebook. I'm not sure if I'll put up the others; two cameras were used (for security/safety reasons) and over 700 pictures were taken. I have one camera's pictures of getting ready and the ceremony. I still have one more camera with different pictures of both of those categories, plus all of the reception pictures from both cameras. Jeff Carr did an amazing job! If you ever need a professional photographer, even just for a Christmas card, Jeff is the man to do it. No, he didn't pay me to say that.

There was only one mishap with the wedding: Josh and I forgot about the unity candle. Pastor Mike stepped aside for unity candle time and Josh and I stood there, racking our brains, trying to figure out what went next. We hadn't exchanged rings, we hadn't said our vows, he hadn't pronounced us man and wife, but we couldn't figure out what we were supposed to do. Finally Mike whispered loudly, "the candle" and the light bulbs went off in our heads and on our faces (I almost wish Jeff had gotten a picture of the dumbstruck looks we had on our faces), we laughed, the crowd laughed, and all was well. Aside from that, our wedding went without a hitch. Julie, Lara, Paula, and the rest of my bridesmaids and friends did such a fantastic job; I wish I could have done more to thank them.

Now Josh and I are in Georgetown, a town an hour north of Austin. We're staying with his grandparents until we leave for Germany in September (I'll tell you more about Germany later). His grandparents are letting us live with them (for a whole 30 days!) on one condition: I cook dinner. :D I was so excited when Josh told me! Now I'm really getting to play house and experiment in the kitchen and be creative and all that fun stuff. I have learned very quickly that Josh likes anything that is food. I don't feel that I can trust his opinion on my cooking for that very reason. That, and we're still in the new phase where he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I have rejected my own cooking since being here (the dish really was not good and was further ruined by freezing - the grandparents are obsessed with freezing things) and Josh still said it was good and kept eating it - the rest of the 13x9 pan of it. Ah well. At least he's eating it, right? :D

I feel like I need to do something with my blog, other than bore you with the details of my everyday life, which will hopefully not be quite so boring once we move to Deutschland. The reason I feel this way is because Josh has started a blog where he solves math problems from a book of his. He's basically trying to solve his way through I. N. Herstein's Topics in Algebra in a year and he's posting the equations with their proofs (answers/solved problems) on his blog. He doesn't expect anyone to read it - he's only doing it for himself. Also, I watched Julie & Julia on Friday (excellent movie - buy popcorn and a drink for it, though, it's long) and, in case you haven't seen the previews, in the movie the main character, Julie, cooks her way through Julia Child's cookbook and posts the experience on a blog. While Julie is cooking away, you watch Julia as she learns to cook and write the cookbook that Julie and millions of Americans are using today. It's a great story.

Anyway, between Josh and Julie & Julia, I feel as if my blog is pointless. I'm afraid that once I get to Germany and get settled in, I'll get lonely during the day and I don't want this place to become a whine fest, as I'm afraid it has become in the past. I will be making a conscious effort to fight off the lonliness and sour attitudes, but just in case I get weak, I want you to actually want to read my blog. I do plan on stealing the idea from Mutating Missionary and take pictures of my surroundings and post a few on my blog every day, but I feel as if that's not drive enough. Maybe I'll post pictures of my cross-stitching work to show my progress with each piece and maybe even set goals for myself to get it finished by a certain time. If you get any ideas for me, let me know.

Ah! I remembered that I am going to post a German word or phrase every day, just to help myself out. It may be a word that I need to learn or a word that I learned that day, but it will be on here, accompanied by the English translation. My ultimate goal while I'm over there is to become fluent, or at least as much as possible. Josh and I won't even speak English to each other to help ourselves with fluency. I can't wait to get started!

Well, it's late, and I need to get my husband (!! :D !!) into bed. He has work in the morning and takes FOREVER to fall asleep. Good night, all! Gute nacht, euch (is that how you say it, Lori/Robyn?)! Aufwiedersehen!

Time Flies When Your Mind Is Occupied

I didn't realize it has been over a month...

I have been so busy and so stressed lately. It's always one thing after another, you know? I'm wading through it, though. Some times are worse than others, but overall I bet it could be worse.

What's on my mind most right now is a big decision that will change the course of my life with Joshua forever. Don't worry, folks, we're still getting married. ;) On Tuesday, Josh informed me that he had been accepted into the Fulbright program, which will have us living in Germany for 11 months. The problem is, he's been jumping through hoops to get this great job with the government for two months now. The government job is in Maryland and we would be there until we decide to leave. There are pros and cons to both places, of course, but the decision is made much more stressful because Josh has to give Fulbright an answer by May 15th. From the time he found out he was accepted to the time he has to reply is ten days. Ten days to make a life changing decision.

Here are the pros and cons:

Germany:
Pros:
- Getting to see Germany/exploring the country
- New culture
- One month intensive language course plus the ability to meet people that I can practice German with
- Meet new people
- Being in such close quarters with Josh (could really help us grow closer quickly)
- Opportunity of a lifetime for both Josh and I

Cons:
- New language
- New culture
- New way of life (shopping, eating, entertainment, sorting trash, etc.)
- Being in such close quarters with Josh (could turn out ugly with no space to escape)
- Difficult to find a church home
- Difficult for me to find a job
- Opportunity of a lifetime for both Josh and I
- More difficult to travel home for the wedding(s) that I will be in

Maryland:
Pros:
- Same country
- Same language
- Relatively same way of life
- New culture
- New places to explore
- Can find a job without a problem
- Much easier to find a church home
- May be able to live in Germany for a number of years later on
- Easy to travel home for the wedding(s) that I will be in
- Can apply for job at a later time

Cons:
- New culture
- Distance from home/family will be felt more

Looking at the pros and cons lists alone would make the decision easy, but there are other things that we have to consider. With Maryland, it is very likely that Josh will not go to graduate school - a well paying job is hard to let go of for schooling and if he has a great job, why have to find another one? With Germany, Josh will go there for a year, go to graduate school upon returning and find a job then. With Maryland, I can get a job immediately, but it won't be what I really want to be doing. With Germany, I can get my foot in the door for translating and even possibly interpreting.

Really what it all boils down to are these things: 1) How important is graduate school to Josh? 2) Do we want to live outside the country, risks and all, or stay in this country with the possibility of not being able to live outside of it for an extended period? 3) What is best for the new Gunter family - to grow up a.s.a.p. or to enjoy something new and different and extreme?

Looking at the pros and cons list that I wrote and matching it with the one in my head doesn't work. There are so many things about Germany that I would love to see and do and can not possibly put into words for a physical list.

I think either location would be great for us in different ways. I will be happy with whatever decision Josh makes. All I know is what I told him. I told him, "I get excited butterflies in my stomach when I picture myself in Germany with you. I don't get those with Maryland. Both will be fun and both will be good for us, but I think I prefer Germany over Maryland."

Gasp, I know. ;) I never ever had such a hard time deciding, though. You all might think, "Of course she chose Germany! She'd have said that the instant he told her he was accepted." But that's wrong, and that surprised me. Once we gave up on Fulbright, I fully embraced Maryland. When Josh told me he was accepted to Fulbright, I was truly torn. I had my head set on Maryland and then the thing that I thought I wanted became available and I didn't know what to do. I've thought and prayed about this constantly ever since Josh told me. I'm not sure what Josh has chosen yet, or if he even has chosen. I would love to and am willing to accept the challenge of living in Germany. I think it will be the most rewarding for both of us and it will provide great memories and stories to tell our family, friends, and children.

What do you think?

Why Do I Only Post When I'm In A Bad Mood?

I was going to post about everything on my mind; spring break, wedding excitement, etc. But I found that the more I thought about what's on my mind the more I realized that I have too much on my mind to write about. I HATE hormone induced depressions. They suck. It could also be the stormy weather.

Why Do I Only Post When I'm In A Bad Mood? I can't figure it out. Maybe you can.

I'll give you a few of pictures to look at. They're some of our engagement pictures. I'll give you the funniest one of me, the funniest one of Josh, and a few of our really good ones:

A good picture, though I need to photoshop my foot...

I really like this one.

He was almost sitting in the water, but he didn't get wet (from that).

This would be a good Facebook picture, I think.

This is the funniest one of Josh, though I look pretty silly, too.

This is the funniest one of me. He kept randomly dipping me towards the water really fast...it scared me. I think what makes this picture really hilarious is that I look so scared and he looks so happy!

p.s. if you click on the pictures you can see a much larger version of them

Busy Week

Sunday, Josh and I met with Jeff Carr, our wedding photographer. Yesterday Josh and I had our engagement photos taken. Today I got fitted for my wedding dress. Tomorrow, we're going to start registering; we're hoping to finish it this day. Thursday, we meet with the "cake lady." Friday, we're going to finish registering, if we haven't already.

365 days ago, on this same day, I said goodbye to a friend of mine.

2 weeks ago, I said goodbye to three friends of mine.

I'm happy and hurting all at the same time. It's an interesting mix.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while...I've been so busy.

My apologies if I freaked anyone out.

I'm Alive

I am learning to cope. I am on the mend. Things will be better eventually, but for now, it's hard. Healing still hurts.