Sorry For the Wait

Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long. I haven't had much time recently to get on and blog. At least I know there are four of you out there... :)

Russia was great. I miss it already. We had the debrief two weeks ago. The slideshow that Kelley, Angela, and I made turned out well on the big screen. The movie was killing people of boredom, but that's the only thing that "went wrong" so to speak.

Yes, Lori, you were right. Friday was the big day. Josh came home that afternoon and even though I was forty minutes early, I still missed him walking into the baggage claim. Needless to say, I was extremely upset about that. Dealing with terminal D at DFW is mayhem. Anyhoo, Josh came in and his family and I went out to eat at Love and War in Texas. Really cheesy Texan pride restaurant. I can't say whether I liked it or not because I didn't eat anything. I've never done that before, go to a restaurant and not eat, but I really wasn't hungry. As far as the atmosphere goes, I hated it. I'm not a big fan of the western decor style. Everyone else seemed to like their food, so I'll just take their word for it.

I'm glad Josh is back. Vacation is in five days...yay! Josh is going back to Austin on the 14th to get in a forty hour week at work before school starts. Selfishly, I don't want him to go back so soon since it's been so long since I've seen him, but I understand why he wants to go back, and I'm not going to be a typical girl and whine and complain because he's doing something that I don't like. At least I'll be able to visit him and talk on the phone with him this time!

I went apartment shopping with my Mom this weekend. I found an apartment that both my Mom and I are happy with. She seems excited for me. I'm not sure if I'm going to commit to it or not. I haven't signed a lease for it yet and the floor plan that I want on the floor that I want (second) won't be available until sometime in September. I don't mind because I really don't know if I want to do it or not. The rent is $519 per month plus utilities (we found the cheapest apartment we could without it being crappy) which I can afford, but it is a lot of money every month. I'd live alone; it's a one bedroom apartment. I don't have a problem with living alone, I just don't know if I could handle finding an elecric company and things like that. I like the fact that I'd be living on my own, separate from my family but not so far that I can't visit, I can keep my area clean and it'll stay that way, I can have friends over at any hour for any length of time, but at the same time it's cheaper to live at home, my parents cook most of the time, I'd have my dogs with me (even though Sarah would be coming to the apartment with me), laundry is free, things of that nature. I'll just have to mull it over and pray about it. Maybe it's just cold feet. Maybe I should just wait until UTA to move out. I don't know. We'll see.

I have to go see about lunch plans...maybe pop in a movie. I'll talk to you guys later. Tschüss!

I Have Returned

Got back from Russia last night. It was great.

Not going to Germany at all. I hurt.

I don't feel good right now. Update later.

Tschüss.

Off I Go to the Motherland

Four days 'til Russia!!! I'm so excited! I'm all payed off, I have appropriate clothing, and although the shopping isn't done (I still have snacks and minor things to buy), I'm ready to go. I can't believe I'm going to Russia - this is so exciting!

I'm also going to Germany, just not when I was wanting. I'm going to go the last full week of July, Josh's last week there, then we can fly home together. I'm not sure how it'll work just yet, but I have an idea and hopefully it'll work out. The worst that could happen is we would be on the same carrier, but different planes and we'd only see each other at the layover times. That would suck, but at least we'd get home together. We'll see.

Russia and Germany are about the only things on my mind right now. And work. Until further notice, the entire Mezzanine staff at work is supposed to put in 10 hour workdays and working on Saturdays is a must. I don't mind working that much, I guess. It'll be hard, but the overtime will be killer! It's going to be great when it's over.

That was really all that was on my mind. The past few entries haven't been happy ones, so I figured I could post a happy one. I'll talk to you guys later. Pray for me while I'm in Russia!

Bis später!

Bittersweet News

Russia Trip plans are going well. I only have $365 left to raise, though I have to have it by Monday. I'm really excited about going. It'll be fun, I'll learn a lot, probably grow some, too. You know, usual missions stuff.

I had the opportunity to travel to Germany and visit Josh. I was going to go, I could afford it, my parents were ok with it, everything was great. On the Lufthansa website, the price for flying from Houston to Frankfurt was $526. That's by far the cheapest deal out there. I was all excited to go, plans for sleeping arrangements and everything were made. Then someone read the fine print. It turns out that the $526 was the one-way price based on a round trip ticket. In other words, 526*2+taxes+fees=$1,200-1,300. This was the straw that put Lufthansa on my bad list.

So my dreams of travelling to Germany, getting to visit Josh, all shot to hell because I can't afford a $1,085 ticket (the cheapest one out there) to Frankfurt. As it stands, if I save every penny I make, I can go, but that's waiting until the last minute to purchase the tickets. If there were a way that I could put a deposit on the ticket and then pay the rest later, that'd be nice. However, I doubt that's feasible.

I have to run to work. If any of you read this anymore and have any ideas, please call me and let me know.

Bis später.

What do you do when the one who holds you isn't there to hold you when you need them to?

I left Bible study. I searched for a cat that wasn't to be found. I sat outside, alone, which is what I wanted. I realized that I am helpless. I cannot those I want to help, even myself. The only question that comes to mind is, why? Why did I have to be born to the family that I'm in? Why did my parents have to be stupid with their money when I was a child? Why haven't they been able to get out of the rut that they put themselves in? Why do I have to suffer the consequences of their mistakes both financially and emotionally? Why is it that you can't call a foreign country without costing the one you're calling? Why is it that when you need someone the most, no one comes? Why is it that when you want to be alone everyone comes to check on you? Why do mission trips cost so much? Why can't I afford to be with him in Germany? Why can't I help him even though I try? Why does Germany have to be seven hours ahead? Why do I take everything so seriously like a stupid girl? The only question left is, why does life have to be so hard?, but I'm glad it's hard because if it wasn't, life wouldn't be fun. It would be meaningless. Meaningless. Lifeless. Dead.

What do you do when the one who holds you isn't there to hold you when you need them to?

Mmhmm

I found out two weeks ago that I am going to Tula, Russia with the church. I am so excited to go and learn a new culture, a new people, a new world; it will be unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm so excited! I have the usual anxiety of a mission trip, raising support, the flights there and back, how well I'll do over there people-wise, things of that nature. I don't really mind being that far from home, that's not an issue for me. We leave June 22 and we'll return July 2. It'll be a great trip, I can feel it. I hope the jet lag doesn't do me too much harm. ;)

I've been talking with Josh on AIM almost everyday. I miss him, but being able to talk to him more often than every three days softens the blow. He's having a great time over there. He's in a dorm room by himself, which I'm sure he's enjoying. He can walk just about everywhere and if he has to go farther away, he can take a bus. That's something he said that he really likes about Germany. I can't wait to visit there whenever I can.

I spent the night at Kelley's house on Saturday night. We watched girly movies and we went to Christina's house and ate spaghetti and watched stupid flash videos and talked about boys and stuff like that. It was a great girl's night. I had so much fun.

Just got off the phone with Josh. He's in a rut. I tried to help. I don't think it worked. In fact, I think I made it worse. I wish I could just talk to him without worrying about how much the call will cost. I want to make him feel better. I won't go into detail, though I wish I could to ask for advice. I wish there were a way for me to take the cost away from his phone and put it on mine. I offered to help pay for the bill, but that's not enough.

Maybe there's some way that after the Russia trip, instead of flying back to the states I could travel to Wurzburg and stay there for a few days and fly home on my own. If only it were possible. Well, it is possible, but I don't think it would be allowed by certain people, namely my parents. I'll investigate and see what it would cost me.

I'd better head off to Bible study. I'm not really in the mood for people right now, but I make myself go anyway. Bis später, meine freunden. Tschüss.

Current Mood and Sidenote

Sidenote: I might go to Russia this summer. If I do, I need all the money before I go. Almost $3,000 before June 22. Pray for me whether or not to go and if I do go, that I can get the money before then.

Current mood:

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.
Chorus

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...
Verse 2

And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...
Bridge

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...
Chorus

Truly Madly Deeply by Savage Garden

It's not been a week and I miss him already. What will I do with myself?

The Radio Knows

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Lovesong by the Cure

Happy Birthday

Today I turn 19 and a half. 19 1/2. Crazy. In six months I'll be 20. No longer a teenager. Scary.

Much Needed Update

Well, folks, he's gone. He's already made his change in Toronto from Canadian Air to Lufthansa. He's in the air right now and will land at 12:00 tonight our time, or 7:00 am there. I watched him walk through security at 11:30 this morning. Tears were welling up in my eyes, but I told myself not to cry until I got to the car, so he couldn't see me crying.

I can't wait to see the pictures he'll take and read his e-mails about all the stuff he's doing, all of his classes and trips and things of that nature. I can't wait to hear his voice again. I'd like to say that I already miss him, but I don't know how accurate that would be. I miss him not being twenty minutes from my house. I miss calling him. I miss being able to send him text messages for free.

I'm so unbelievably proud of him. I asked him if he was excited, of course he was. I asked him if he was scared, he was a little. I so badly wanted to go with him, to help him get there, to make sure he was safe. I can't imagine what his mother is going through. Sandy's busy, she's probably not thinking about it too much; I could be wrong.

You should have seen me at lunch today. I ate two chicken enchiladas, half of the rice that came with the dinner, two glasses of water, and scarfed the dessert of cinnamon sopapillas, all in about twenty minutes. It doesn't sound like much, but the dinner was pretty big, plus dessert on top of that; it was a lot of food and I ate it very fast (for me, anyway). Between seven and ten minutes of that time was spent waiting for the dessert to come. Now, when I should be hungry, the thought of food makes me nauseated. I bought a little danish thing from work before I left because I felt hungry. The instant I picked it up out of the vending machine, I knew I couldn't eat it. Usually I'll eat a snack like that on the way home from work. It's sitting on my bedside table, wrapper unopened.

Also I'll start crying randomly, sometimes it's in the split second of time that I thought about work and not Josh. I keep drinking more and more water, as if I'm dehydrated. Sometimes I eat, sometimes I don't. Classic signs of Julie in grieving. I'm the only one I know who can actually cry herself to dehydration. It's all been in little spurts throughout the day, but I still manage it somehow.

The past five days have been great though. Saturday I got to hang out with Josh afterall. His mom had been cooking for the past two days for the company that they had the following day. We had dinner at his house and were about to watch a movie, but we went to his friend from high school J.P.'s house and swam and watched family guy since J.P. invited us over.

Sunday Josh's aunt Kim, cousin Eric, Eric's wife Emily, Eric and Emily's baby Maddie, Josh's grandpa Paw, Josh's other grandpa Papaw and Papaw's wife Memaw all came over to celebrate Mother's Day and to have a late celebration for Josh's 19th birthday. My family took my mom out for lunch that day before Josh's family's party. She had a good time and she liked her present.

On Monday Josh's immediate family and I went to Six Flags for the afternoon. It was fun. We didn't ride too many big rides since Austin was recovering from strep and Lindsey doesn't like roller coasters. We still had a good time and got worn out, too. Josh and I watched a movie after we got home.

Tuesday was Josh's and my two year anniversary. Two years. Can you believe it? Josh took me to Stonebriar mall in Frisco where we ate lunch at Chili's, followed by a movie, RV. It was a funny movie, not Robin Williams' best, but it was pretty good. After the movie, Josh took me to the place we were there for in the first place, The Cheesecake Factory. For those of you who don't know, the only reason I turn down cheesecake is if I physically cannot eat it, or if I'll throw up by doing so. In other words, cheesecake is my favorite dessert and Josh taking me there was like heaven. I got the Chocolate Truffle Raspberry Cheesecake. It was rich and to die for. Then he told me that we were going to find me something cute, so we went shopping. We found nothing after searching half of the mall, so he took me to Kohl's. He bought me three shirts, two of which he found for me. Then we went home, ate dinner, and watched a movie.

Yesterday I went shopping with Josh and Sandy (his mom) to get him clothes for Germany and for school in fall. I got my feathers ruffled a little bit by the shopping experience, but overall it was good. We found I think seven pairs of khakis and two shirts that he can layer with each other. Then we went home and unpacked from Austin and packed for Germany. I got Josh's clothes rolled and folded as needed and set everything aside for him to put in his bag while he got his backpack unpacked and packed again. We got him all set and ready to go. He seemed to like the "care package" I made for him. It's a messenger bag with his favorite snack foods, envelopes, pens, paper, a letter from me, money for calling cards, and a couple of pictures of me that he hasn't seen before. He saw that there were not only Reese's Pieces but Sour Skittles as well and he had to kiss me for it. We went to the bookstore and he bought sequels to Ender's Game, his mom bought a cookbook and I bought Memoirs of A Geisha. I'm borrowing Ender's Game from him, so I'll read that first.

You already heard about today, in too much detail, most likely. I hope this grieving thing doesn't last too long. I usually get sick because of it and my boss (the one above my Mom) is already asking me when I can put in forty hour weeks (even though I started that last Wednesday).

I suppose I'll stop talking and let you people get on with your lives. I read something today, it was about finances, but it applies to anything, really. "Don't take the easy road to anything, because everything worth having in life takes a long, hard time to get..." Adreka Majors said that and she's right. I'm finding this to be true. Have fun, kids.

Tschüss.

Current Mood : Hopeless Acceptance

Have you ever known that something was going to happen and you're both happy and sad about it but whenever you think about it all you do is hurt and cry; it's almost a depression of sorts. I'm so happy and so very excited for him. I love him dearly...I guess that's why it hurts so badly. Nine days and counting.

Don't Know What To Think

I just had a spat with Josh over classical music. He says that it cannot convey a message in such a way that every person knows exactly what the composer is talking about, like lyrical music does. I say that the composer has the capability of conveying as much specificity as he likes, such as watching a leaf fall from a tree or a snowflake falling from a window. Josh says that is my interpretation of it and that all the composer can do is convey a general, vague image that some people get and some don't. We had this discussion for over 20 minutes. I got tired of arguing and said to stop talking about it. He kept going. I told him I'd hang up if he didn't stop talking about it. He told me I wouldn't hang up. He kept going. So I hung up. Now I feel horrible. I don't hang up on people for any little thing. But when I say what I did in my head, "You hung up with him over a disagreement in music," all I can do is cry. I know I'm passionate about music and I can't stand people ragging on things that I love and that I'm passionate about, but following through on my threat now seems regrettable.

I know that he and I both take hang-ups seriously, which is why I followed through on it. He was downing on something that I love, he wasn't listening to me, I figured that if I followed through with my threat that he would know I was serious about what I was saying to him. But now I feel awful. I cried before because he hurt me. Now I'm crying because I hurt him. If tough love is what I was going for, I can't do it anymore. It doesn't just hurt the one you're being tough to.

It seems small now, in the wave of sorrow that has flooded me, but this morning I found out that I won't see my math teacher again this semester. She gave us our test grades back and on them she wrote our average from the semester and our letter grade. She told us that if there was an A on there, then she didn't want to see us again. My test grade: 103. My average for the semester: 102.25. I don't have to be in class on Friday - I placed out of the final.

If I recieve an e-mail from my Music Appreciation teacher by Friday morning, I don't have to be in class on Friday - I've placed out of the final. With Mrs. Walter, to place out of the final we have to have a B or better and not missed more than three classes. I'm pretty sure I'll get the e-mail. Even if I don't that's only two finals to study for and they're both on Monday.

Mrs. Souder doesn't give a final. She spends class time, she takes roll, the school's happy. Last semester we just had a party. This semester, my group and the one we combined with (we call ourselves the Soopa Group) are making our presentation on final day.

I have a lot of homework to do. I'm going to try and get some of it done, at least the stuff that's due tomorrow. Tschüss.

Invisible?

Do you ever have those days where you feel as if you're invisible and although you're in a crowd you're alone?

Happy Birthday!

Today is Josh's 19th birthday. Everyone, on three. One... two... three... Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Josh. Happy birthday to you! *applause* Congratulations Josh for making it to your last teenage year. I'm so proud of you for all of your many accomplishments.

Also, congratulations to Josh Crowder for snagging a fiance! My older brother is getting married. It's scary in a way, but so much more joyous than scary. I'm so glad you found someone who you can share the rest of your life with. Congratulations to you and Kacie and may you have a long life together.

I'm in a good mood today. I like good moods. They're fun.

I can't wait until Lara gets home. She's coming home this weekend and I am so excited to have her back! Finally my friend is coming home. I miss her in ways that I cannot describe.

I don't really have anything else to say, so I'll end with this quote from Chase.

"Believing in decaf coffee is like believing in solar powered flashlights."

The World Is Spinning

Wow. It's been a while since I posted last...sorry about that. I know there are only two people who read this, so I'm not sure why I'm apologizing, but I feel the need to do so, though I don't see a reason to.

Anyhoo, tomorrow marks the last week of school of my first year in college! Finals are next week, one on Monday (Human Sexuality) and one on Wednesday (Math). I have to show up for one on Tuesday, although the teacher isn't giving us a test; she's making it party time! I'm 90% sure I placed out of my Music Appreciation final because we have to have a B or better and have not missed more than three times. I've only missed twice (maybe only once from what she told me) and I'm pretty sure I have at least a B in that class. I'll have to ask her about it tomorrow.

Oh gosh! I have to get to work. Talk to you later!

Tschüss!

The Songs of Spring

This is the winning essay, for your reading enjoyment.

The Songs of Spring

Julie Hawkins

The first day of spring brings with it the sweetness of the tree’s blossom, the angelic song of the sparrow and the freshness of a newly melted winter. This day also brings with it the excitement of a Christian music workshop. The workshop is located in a large park, with tall, plastic tents that rise unnaturally from the ground and crackle loudly when the wind blows across their surfaces. The weather was mild and the grass turned green early this year and gives the park a warm, luminous glow as the sun shines down upon it. The amphitheater stands like a giant white stone, taller than any tree in the park. The air carries with it the freshness of spring as it weaves its way around the bright green leaves of the trees, underneath the wings of the small sparrows, whistling through the semi-circle shaped amphitheater to the ears of the girl standing backstage.

A bead of sweat trickles down her face as she nervously awaits and she watches for her cue to walk out and stand true. She reminds herself of why she is there; not just to sing, but to serve the people and to be a beacon of light to the lost. She wrings her hands around the microphone, which feels like a wet bar of soap in her sweaty palms. Her eyes are on the stage manager who stands a few yards away on the other side of the stage, waiting for everyone to finish their preparations for the next act. She whispers to herself and desperately tries to calm herself down. As the stage manager points to her and all her breath escapes her, a sense of panic floods through her body. She nods to him and the music begins as she slowly walks out to the middle of the stage and tries not to let the crowd see her knees wobble. Although her nerves scream to turn back, a voice inside her head reminds her that she will be alright, so she continues to her planned spot on stage and faces the crowd.

The sweet music flows softly, measure by measure; the crowd awaits her song. Her voice, as smooth as silk, flawlessly delivers the notes as she sings the sweet melody, and she tries hard to control the nervousness in her voice. Her voice carried with it emotions like a waterfall; they washed over the crowd and swept them away. The emotions were so moving and so powerful that they were overwhelmed with awe at the beauty in her voice.

As she sings she looks out and over the crowd to the outdoors around her. She watches the puffy white clouds slowly float by, being lazily pushed by the wind. She thinks of God’s creation; the fragrance of the trees, the sight of the birds play and the sound of their joyful conversation and just knowing that the God she is singing to made them the same way He made her - by hand, and that gives her strength and confidence. The light breeze plays with her hair as she looks at each of the beautiful faces in the small ocean in front of her and she is filled with wonder at the creativity and diversity of each individual. The already slow paced music slows down to a stop as her voice fades to nothing and, knowing what is about to be played next, she raises one eyebrow with a clever smirk on her face and turns to look at the guitarist standing to her right.

BRANG! The electric guitar rings out through the amphitheatre then the drums take a beating as the drummer changes the pace. The hard-rock music reaches the ears of the crowds and they roar with excitement and begin to make even more noise as the singer’s voice soars out above the music, carrying with it edifying words of glorification to the Almighty. Energy now surges through the crowd and her nerves are annihilated as she sings and begins to dance to the music. Comfort floods her body as the crowd dances with her and together they make a truly joyful noise. The last strum of the guitar leaves with a bang and the crowd cheers.

She waits for the crowd’s uproarious applause to simmer down to a dull roar before repeating “thank you” over and over and grinning from ear to ear. She knows that it is all over, and recalls how only a short eleven minutes before she wrung her hands and clutched tightly to the microphone and tried with all her might not to shake and look like a novice on stage. She did not understand now how fear had gripped her so, she was almost completely comfortable up there now; she ran her hands across the outstretched hands and fingers of the very front row. “Encore! Encore!” the crowd wildly cheered. She looked at the stage manager and received nothing but an ear-to-ear grin. She quickly turned to the band members behind her and told them which song to play next.

After her final song, she walked with confidence off of the stage, and she beamed with joy. As the workshop wound down to a close, a young girl shyly approached her and gently tapped on her shoulder. She turned around to greet the girl. The girl spoke with the voice of a mouse, quiet and timid. The girl thanked her for all she had sang and told her how she was in a life-threatening state of mind when she came to the workshop. She came for the music alone and hoped that there would be some detail that could turn her life around. The girl finished her story with tears in her eyes and thanked her profusely for providing the light she needed and told her that she was now a child of God. She could not help but let the salty tears slide down her cheeks as she hugged the shy, young girl.

She no longer cared what the rest of the crowd had thought of her; she did not care how well she performed in front of them. She knew she had been the tool to touch the life of a young child of God and she knew that her mission was complete. It was dusk and as she listened to the crickets sing their songs she knew that they were singing praises.

Woohoo!

I GOT 4th PLACE IN THE WRITING CONTEST!!! There were over 300 people in the contest total. About half of the people who earned awards, including many first and second prize winners were absent from the ceremony, which was shocking to me. Anyway, I looked cute and was turning heads at the restaraunt after the ceremony. AND I GOT FOURTH PLACE!!! WOOT!!! Tschüss!

Yuck!

I'm down today. Something grabbed a hold of my stomach and it's making my stomach very upset. I've managed to keep my cookies, but I'm having a hard time eating without feeling otherwise. I've been able to keep this at bay for months now - I'm proud of myself. Mom thinks the nausea is due to my headaches. I think it's the leftover sub I ate yesterday, possibly in conjunction with a serious lack of sleeping well. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm feeling a little better this morning. Had a nice long talk with Josh - that helped me feel better.

My abstract for my research paper and 20 source annotated bibliography are due at midnight. My goal is to have the bibliography to my teacher by class on Thursday morning. This is why: I'm having to discard my old abstract completely and go with a new idea, which I'm fine with. What I'm not fine with is the incredible amount of work that has to go into this new topic. I've been working for the past four days trying to gather information so that I can write my abstract.

My research paper is a rhetorical analysis of the significance of the word beat in David Auburn's Proof. I've read through the play three times now and watched the movie and I still have no clue as to the meaning. My biggest lead is that it is some sort of pause, but having a beat in the middle of dialogue doesn't always match with that idea. Whenever a beat is in the middle of Claire's speaking, she always changes the subject afterwards. Whenever a beat in in the middle of Robert's speaking, more often than not he changes who he's speaking to, but theory doesn't hold when he's only talking to Catherine. Hal doesn't always change his tone or what he's speaking about when it occurs within his line. It only appears mid-sentence in Catherine's speech twice out of the 32 times it's in mid-sentence. The word beat is mentioned 111 times in the entire play, and I have each instance of which written down, which line it occurs in, what's in the paragraph before it, and what's in the paragraph after it. AND I STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IT MEANS!!!!

I looked up the stage meaning of beat, and found that it is the smallest division of action in a play, the length of time necessary for a character to play an "objective" (also called intention) from beginning to end, a very short pause, a deliberate pause for effect or measure of time when cueing, or a unit of action in a scene, which is made up of a series of beats. I found the definitions from various websites from a Google Search. I suppose my pause theory could be true, but now I have to come up with an abstract saying that that's what my paper is about. I have to come up with an 8-10 page research paper about nothing but that, and I have to come up with an annotated bibliography containing 20 sources which support my theory in ways other than the word beat in Proof because this idea is completely original; all before MIDNIGHT TONIGHT!!!!!! Minus the paper. That's not due 'til sometime in May. But still, the idea has to be there.

So that's been on my mind recently. My headaches haven't gotten any better, but not any worse, thank God. Thank you to kind Ian for helping me figure out the source of my headaches. Finances are slowly but surely getting better. Having a job that pays you what your work is worth is nice.

Ok. Now that I've ranted and gotten my thoughts all out "on paper" I should go try and finish at least my abstract. And try and see if I can eat this toast that my wonderful little brother William has made for me. Hats off to toast when you're queasy! Bis später!

Poetry Blog

Just so y'all know, if you care, all of the poetry I have written is now on a blog of it's own. The link is on the sidebar just under my profile stuff. It's there for me, but I'm giving you the option of reading it. Some of it's good, some of it's not, but it's mine. Enjoy if you dare.

Tschüss!

Humerous Quotes - They're Funny To the Bone!

Is a mime someone who can think inside the box?

When thespians go public, do they come out of the wardrobe?

Lexus spelled backwards is suxel.

Instant human - just add coffee!

How many times does the average person masticate every day?

Have you ever watched how people ambulate? No two people have the same pattern!

"Look, Mom! Chuckie Cheeses! I know that place by the back of my head!"

"William, there's more than one way to skin a cat." "I'm not a skinny cat!"

"Mom, can I use your bathroom? Julie's in ours plundering the toilet!"



Special thanks to Carol, Julie, William and Chase for their humorous contributions.