For English class we were given an assignment. We had to mimic either Jonathan Swift's "
A Modest Proposal" or Alexander Pope's "
The Rape of the Lock." I chose to mimic Jonathan Swift, simply because I couldn't figure out for the life of me what Pope was saying. I only knew what his piece was about because Mrs. Souder had told us. Anyhoo, I've been rushed with homework all week this week, so any assignment that was due on one day was completed the night before. I started thinking of my ideas at work when I was bored (which is a lot) and ran through most of the paper in my head. I got home, typed in up in only a couple of hours, and sent it in, just 30 minutes before the due time. I hate having to do that, but when it's necessary, it must be done. Anyway, Mrs. Souder liked it so much that she read it in front of the class as an example. She told the class that it was the closest possible thing to actually being the real work and that I displayed all of the elements of satire perfectly. Of course, my ego was swelling with every word. Here's the piece if you should like to read it, that and I'd like to show off a little bit. It's not every day that
I come up with something like this. It also gets some frustrations with work made a little more inconspicuously public.
A Simple Proposition
By Julie Hawkins
Inspired by “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift
A cure for the disease which plagues the majority of those who work for a living, also promoting a healthy working environment to benefit the health of those involved.
It is sad to say that when the people on the streets of America are questioned, the majority of them respond that no, they aren’t happy with their place of work. They dread going to work in the morning. They almost dread the weekends, knowing that work is just around the corner again. Those who only have one day off are sicker than the others because they have greater exposure to the disease.
There are approximately 297,000,000 people living in the United States of America. Of those, 38,000,000 are over the age of 65 and are either retired or too weak to work. There are 61,000,000 people who are age 14 and under who are legally too young to work, leaving 198,000,000 people who are of age to work. From this number remove the sick, unemployed, and those who enjoy their jobs, which is 57,000,000 and that leaves 141,000,000 people who work for a living and thus are exposed to the disease.
When the workplace is visited, the worker bees work daily with tired eyes, a sore head, and muscle pains from not only working overtime, but also from daily, unavoidable conversations. The worker bees grow physically sick because of stress alone, stress they acquire at their places of work. These are all typical symptoms of the disease that has swept the nation.
The disease is, in short, is insufficient bosses, managers, the higher-ups, the management. They are insufficient, not because their numbers are small, but because they either lack intelligence, friendliness, the ability to lead others in a way that benefits the company as a whole, the ability to do whatever work is needed of him to help the company to prosper financially and to keep those under him as content as possible, and also lacks the ability to limit self desires in order to make the company the smoothest-running and most prosperous company that he can. This is not to say that females are not allowed in management, they can most certainly make excellent leaders and developers of the company as well.
Having spoken with a friend from Ireland, I believe that his ideas combined with my own make for a very well thought-out and decent plan which will eliminate the chances of allowing insufficient people into management. This will make the working environment much more productive and pleasurable for the worker bees simply by reducing the stresses of having to work for a boss who only cares for his wallet, or how good he looks to his own bosses.
My proposition is that there will be a standardized test written, called the Management Qualification Assessment Test, or the MQAT, covering nearly all information that a person in management would ever need to know for any type of situation, no matter how realistic, plausible, or feasible. Before taking this test, the candidates will take a brief informational course on what the test covers, so as to be fair to all who take the test. The candidates may only take the MQAT once every six months at a given location. The score after taking the test will determine the status of that person’s job.
If the candidate makes a score of 50 or lower, they will be pushed down the stairs in front of everyone in the company for even thinking that they were management material. This candidate is then given the option of either staying at the current company at his current position, or he may choose to leave the company to try and make management elsewhere.
If the candidate achieves a score between 50 and 79, this candidate will be allowed the lowest level of management possible. Their poor score will be rewarded with two dollars an hour less than every one of the worker bees below him and he will receive a half-hour lunch break while his workers have one-hour breaks for lunch. If any opportunities to promote managers in his position arise, he will be overlooked and not considered for promotion because he did so poorly on the MQAT.
If the candidate attains a grade between 80 and 94, the candidate will be awarded with the lowest management position, as all managers start at the bottom. However, he will be allowed a one-hour lunch break, just as those below him. He is also guaranteed to make three dollars more per hour than the position directly below him, be they worker bees or another manager. He will be considered for any opportunities of promotion, in which he will be alerted, take the MQAT once more and if his score is acceptable in the same way, he will receive a promotion and a pay raise.
If the candidate accomplishes a grade between 95 and 100, he will be shoved down a flight of stairs in front of all of the company and will be physically picked up and thrown out of the building, no longer having a job there. No one is that close to perfect and any manager with that high of a score will have an ego to go with it and treat his workers in a condescending manner. This behavior is not at all tolerable, hence his being let go from the company.
I have spoken with worker bees themselves about which they would rather have put in place, this proposition, or have the current managers and all after them to be assessed monthly, in the work they complete themselves, in the way they treat those below them, and how they please those above them. If they are disagreeable in one or all of the categories, a suggestion is made for behavioral change, and, if after three months, the same problems arise, a new manager will be trained for his position. Every worker bee chose my proposition, thus proving to me that this proposition will be quite prosperous in the work place and also achieving a more constructive and productive work environment. Fewer sick days will be needed by the worker bees from a less stressful environment, increasing the ability for happiness and production throughout the company. The work put forth by the worker bees and the managers themselves will be whole-hearted and sincere, making the workplace, and weekends, that much more desirable and healthy.
Work has been going relatively well. I've been able to be upstairs instead of downstairs by myself with nothing but the mundane chore of hard drives to do with no one for conversation except for my own mind, which gets a little scary after a while. Jason, Torey's friend and "the new guy," who has been up there for about a month, has created the knickname of "Knob" for Rob. The funniest part about it is that Jason can call him Knob to Rob's face and he still doesn't realize that Jason isn't using his real name. We all think it's hilarious and we know we shouldn't laugh, but it's just so funny.
I'm managing to be polite to him, though I do try to avoid him as much as the others do. He's been better about not looking at my chest ever since I brought it up to him by way of conversation. He had asked me to lunch, "for business reasons" and could only take me by myself (without any other co-workers) because I am female and he doesn't want me to get offended. His words, not mine. I turned him down flat and told him that since he wanted to ask me questions about work, he could write them on a piece of paper, hand it to me, and I would turn it in to him the following morning. I have not yet seen a piece of paper with questions on it.
Anyhoo, he had brought up that he had taken everyone out to lunch except for me "because you're afraid" and Jeff and Chuck. At first I said that I wasn't afraid, but then I changed my answer and said that I was. He responded with, "Oh no! He's going to hit on me!" in a mock voice. I told him that that's wasn't what I was afraid of, that I was used to him doing that all the time. He doubted, so I did nothing but look at his chest and say that he had never ever spoken to me the way I was speaking to him, looking at his chest the whole time, only flicking my eyes up to his face infrequently. He said that if he had done that, it was unintentional, blah, blah, blah. For about a week after that he avoided looking at me if at all possible. It was awesome! He'll actually look at me now when he talks, but he very rarely glances.
School has been going. I've been bombarded with homework for the past week solid. It hasn't been fun. I've been up until midnight every night except for last night. It's quite exhausting.
I got a PS2 and DDR this week. It's so much fun to play. I'm so happy that I can play DDR at my house, just the fact that I can say that I have DDR. I've been wanting to own DDR for about three years. Now I finally have it and it feels great. Now I can work out whenever I want to and get better at DDR! Woohoo!
Have a great night, everyone!
