ENORMOUS NEWS!!!

As of Saturday, March 15th, Josh and I are engaged! He proposed at the highest point in Winter Park, on Parsenn Bowl. How did he do it? I'll tell you. I am afraid of heights, so the chair lifts always bother me, but even worse when it's windy, so going above the tree line was a feat for me. We got to the top and I was looking around at the beautiful scenery. Josh told me how cool it was that he and I met each other four years ago at the bottom of this mountain and now we're at the top. Then he said that I had blossomed beautifully and that he had blossomed in his own way, too. He said that it was neat that we had both blossomed even though we had grown in two different flower beds. Then he asked if I would like to share a flower bed. I said that I would, though I was thinking, "Yeah, one of these days." Then he started to fumble around in his coat pocket. All I could think was, "No way." He got down on one knee, with his snowboard still attached to his foot, and said, "Julie Ann, will you marry me?" Of course I pulled the typical girl response without even thinking and held my hands in front of my mouth and started to cry. I said yes and hugged him, then kissed him. He asked if I wanted to put it on then, and I did, so I did. It was too big for my ring finger, so to be safe I wore it on my middle finger until I got it sized.

Apparently he had been planning to do this for two years. Two years ago when we went to Winter Park with the church group as chaperons, he tried to get the group of us to go up to the bowl. I didn't want to go, so Kelley stayed with me in the warming hut. Josh said that at that moment, he decided that the top of the bowl was where he was going to propose to me. When we talked with Nathan this year about going as chaperons again, he said that he didn't need any more. Luckily, Josh planned for such an occasion and started saving two years ago for a ski trip. And a ring. He asked my parents for their blessing under the guise of him asking if it was ok for me to go skiing with him. They, of course, gave him their blessing. This was back in January. My parents gave me no indication that they knew, nor did his parents. I was completely blindsided. I had no idea whatsoever. It was amazing and ultra romantic.

We're getting married next summer, 2009. I'm trying to get as much planning done as I can as soon as I can so that I know when I need to get things done by. I'm trying not to worry about it too much, but to take my time in doing things. Right now my primary concern is reserving a place. Josh isn't too happy about using Crossroads because he doesn't think it will be pretty enough. I'm not too keen on Crossroads either, but if it's the cheapest place, we may have to settle for it. I've been researching wedding chapels online and there are a few that I would like to visit. Planning this wedding without Josh is going to be difficult, especially since he wants a say in things. He'll be in North Carolina most of the summer and at school the rest of the time between summers. I'm sure we'll be able to work everything out, though.

I can't wait to be married. I can't wait to take care of him and love him every day, to cook for him and clean up after him and even do his laundry! I know it sounds silly, but loving my husband in the little ways is what I want to do. Until then, I'll take care of my fiance to the best of my abilities.

I have to work tomorrow, so I should get to sleep. I'll talk to you all later!

Exciting Weekend!

This weekend, the second half of my Christmas present is being given to me. My amazing boyfriend is taking me to Winter Park, CO for a long weekend of skiing! We leave Thursday and come back on Monday. I LOVE to ski, as does he; we met on the slopes. Not really on the slopes, but we were both on the church ski trip. I am going to challenge myself and get my skiing level up. The plan is to ski nothing but blues. It's going to be great! I am so excited it's not even funny.

I submitted a piece for the April Perennial Writing Contest, the one I won fourth place in two years ago. I'll post it later if you like. If it wins, I'll definitely post it on here.

I won't post until our return. I'll be sure to take lots of pictures!

Brief Update

My weekend with Josh was amazing! It was the best Valentine's Day ever (even though it wasn't on Valentine's).

I've been sick all weekend and don't really feel up to a long update, so I'll summarize.

The Dean of Staff at my school talked to Sarah, the classmate who has had the most problems with the teacher, and spoke with her about what the teacher was doing and so on. The Dean volunteered her time that day to sit in class and observe the teacher. From what Sarah said, the Dean wasn't pleased with the teacher at all. I suppose Monday's class will be an interesting one.

I took the test in dance even though I had vomited that morning and could barely stand up without getting dizzy. That was an experience.

I'm feeling better now. I'm able to hold down food. I can't stand up for long periods of time. I can't eat large quantities of food. I'm still on the bland diet that the doctor told me to be on. I hope I feel well enough to go to Pinewood tomorrow. We'll see.

Russia stuff is crazy. John is now on the team, which means the Hawkins' have to raise $7,000. NOT fun. It also seems not very likely, either.

I can't wait for spring break. Can't wait.

68 days 'til graduation!!!

I get to see my boyfriend in a week and a half! I'm so excited! I can't wait. We're going to celebrate Valentine's that weekend, too. It will be fun as always to see Nana and Paw and their dog, Dudley, and play Canasta and maybe Phase 10 with them. I love going to see Nana and Paw. I always have so much fun there.

I don't really have much to post about. We had a mutiny in our dance class on Monday. That was fun. I really hate it when the students (all but two of whom agree) try to make a suggestion to a teacher and all they do is fight and act all defensive. It's a long story that I'd rather not get into again. Let's just say that the professor is making the tests way hard and not lecturing on the information at all, and doesn't think that she's doing anything wrong. If she doesn't change at all in two weeks, a few of us from class might go to the Dean with it. If my grades suffer because of the way that the class is taught, I'll just drop the class. That may sound arrogant, but consider this: on the last test, I read all four chapters, twice, that the test covered, I was there for the review, and I studied my notes. I guessed on about half of the questions. That should NEVER happen. If a student performs all of the necessary study duties and is still confused on the test, then there is something wrong with the way the professor is teaching. I really hope that the professor changes the way she's teaching because I would like to keep my record of never having dropped a class.

Comments

You know, blogging is only therapeutic when people comment.

*subliminal message: Comments are EXTREMELY encouraged*

That is all.

I HATE Girls

That's right. I said it. I HATE GIRLS. They're moody, uncontrollable, and hard as hell to figure out. I have girl problems. I always have. Girls cause drama. I hate drama. Apparently it is a requirement that I can not have a girl friend without them hating me at some point. Most of them have left me. Another one might. Christina, you might as well get out while you can. No, I'm not a boy, and no, I'm not a lesbian. I AM a girl and I can't figure us out. They usually get mad at me over something stupid. Like right now, I have a friend who ignored me completely at the Super Bowl party that the college group had; it was so bad that she called a friend of hers so that she could have someone to talk to (she admitted to that one). All this because she thinks that I stole the credit for a recipe that she brought. DRAMA CENTRAL. I hate drama. Let me say it a third time. I HATE drama.

I had a horrid week last week. Absolutely horrible. It started on Monday and only got worse from there. Homework on top of homework on top of reading assignments on top of programming assignments on top of the need to write letters for Russia and a bunch of other stuff that I don't feel like typing out. Wednesday night my computer was acting funny and I knew I had a virus of some sort. Friday morning, it was discovered that I had one spyware, one adware, and FOUR (4) trojans on my system. Thanks to my parents (I mean both of them this time), my system is back up and running, trojan and virus free. Huzzah!

Sigh.

I'm tired of being stressed and/or sick and/or upset. Why can't I just live a relatively stress-free life by going to class, going to work, and seeing my boyfriend about once a month (maybe that's part of it?)? Seriously though, I wish my life weren't so stressful. For whatever reason, it's the little things that bug me. Like the fight with my girl friend. The subject of the fight isn't worth anything. It's stupid. Just like everything else, it's an iceberg. There's way more stuff underneath that's the cause of the stress or argument. I thought life wasn't supposed to get hard until after college.

Well, I seem to have acquired another headache, so I will have to leave for now. I should be able to post either tomorrow or Friday. Maybe both will happen. Who knows?

Let Me Take You There

Plain White T's

Listen Here (CTRL + click)

I know a place that we can go to
A place where no one knows you
They won't know who we are
I know a place that we can run to
And do those things we want to
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there

I know a place that we'd forgotten
A place we won't get caught in
They wont know who we are
I know a place where we can hide out
And turn our hearts inside out
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there

I know a place we'll be together
A stay this young forever
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there

We can get away
To a better place
If you just let me take you there
We can go there now
'Cause every second counts
Girl just let me take you there

Take you there

Life Check

It's been almost a week since I posted last...

I've been working a lot. At least it feels like a lot. I got my paycheck today. Much to my surprise, it was more than I thought it would be, so I won't have a problem buying all of my remaining textbooks or filling up my car. That made my day so much better.

For whatever reason, I've been tired very recently. Everyone at work has been too, so I'm blaming El Niño...I mean, the weather. I can also blame the fact that I haven't been sleeping very well. I've had these weird dreams that kept my mind very active so I felt as if I hadn't gotten any sleep that night.

My muscles are sore from working out. My legs are feeling more muscular to the touch, but they only look different if I flex. It's weird. I'm not any closer to winning my toning contest with Josh and we're just over halfway through it. I'll find a way to beat him, just you wait.

I have some homework to do. I'll post in a day or two if I can.

Busy at Work

I was at work from 7:30 to 16:00 today. I stayed between shifts and watched the videos that I need to see (or in my case, re-see) to pass my veterinary assistant training. Susan is making me re-take all of my VA training. It's really stupid. After I finish my VA training I'll get a 50 cent raise. That'll help with the money stuff. I've been a lot less stressed today. I think working helps to take my mind off of things.

This week has felt so long. It feels like school will never be over. I think I have "senioritis" even though I'm not completely finished with school. A lack of desire to even be in class is present. Even Souder's class isn't as fun as it used to be; I blame the fact that I'm the only Souderite left in the class. Souder, my English teacher, had a group of about 7 students that followed her from the time she started teaching English at NCTC to the time they left the school. Every class that she taught, they took as many as possible. We call ourselves Souderites. Some of us have followed her to another school that she teaches at. She's just that great of a teacher; to have a following that loyal is incredible.

I have to admit that I'm surprised at the lack of commenting. I go through this huge, serious, i-need-comments-to-know-what-to-do-or-at-least-know-that-people-care ordeal, and I get nothing. I know I didn't post that often, but i figured someone would have checked within the past week.

Anyhoo, I hope you all are doing alright. Have a great weekend!

Money Sucks

I hate money. I hate the fact that the whole world depends on it. I hate that it is absolutely required for life to be lived. I hate that everyone needs it, wants it, and can't get enough of it. I hate that there are some of us that don't have it and may not get to work the next day because they don't have it to put gas in their car.

Sorry. I'm a little panicked right now. Money is extremely tight right now. I had to use all of my savings (the pitiful amount that was there) to buy one text book that my teacher said we needed ASAP. We didn't even use it on Wednesday, the second day of class. I need three more textbooks and I don't get paid for a week. My Dad's paycheck comes in on Friday, but my parents are so far in the red that they may use most of it to bring themselves up to even. I don't have enough money in my account to put a half-tank of gas in my car and my gas light is on. My next paycheck will be superb since I will have covered other people's shifts for them, but payday isn't until next Thursday.

Grr! Frustration! Panic!

I've prayed about it. I've tried not to worry. It's stressful. I work the next three days in a row. I can only buy $20 worth of gas. I hate being poor (by American standards). It feels like a curse. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this, but it wasn't anything that I did. My parents screwed up years ago. They're the ones being punished for their mistake, but it affects more than just them.

Money sucks.

First Day of Class

Today was a busy day. I went to my weight training class, prepared to have to sit through the explanation of the syllabus. I wasn't even through the door when the professor looked at me and told me that I didn't have to listen to the syllabus, so I could just go work out. I didn't bring any clothes, so I went home and changed, then worked out. The parking lot at the school (which is across the street from the gym) was packed, so I ended up staying in the parking lot by the gym and walked to school from there. The walk isn't a bad one at all and I don't mind it. Anyway, I had to go straight from school to work, where I changed again into my work uniform. Work was completely uneventful, though I did get to see my first x-ray of puppies inside the womb. After work I changed back into my real clothes, got some dinner at Sonic, and went to Bible study.

Life is frustrating. Money is really tight for my family and for myself at the moment, so we have no money to buy my school books with. I'm not sure how I'm going to get the supplies that I need. I need staff paper for my music class and two journals on top of the textbooks needed. I'm too tired to fuss about it right now.

Here's my class schedule, then I'm going to bed:

MWF:
9:30-10:50 - Weight Training II (only on MW, not on F)
11:00-11:50 - Music Fundamentals
13:00-14:00 - Dance Apppreciation
TR:
9:30-10:50 - American Lit (with my favorite English professor, Donna Souder!)
18:00-21:00 - Game and Simulation (a computer programming class, on T only)

This should be an interesting last semester at NCTC. I'm glad I get to end it with Souder. She's the best professor ever.

Hallo Poppets!

I'm a happy girl right now. Brent, I'll whine later when I need to.

I received a piece of mail last night which contained another Dean's Honor List award. It says, "(my name) is formally recognized for oustanding academic performance..." Did you catch it? Oustanding. They misspelled outstanding on both of my award certificates. Come on, NCTC, we're honor students - did you really think we wouldn't notice? I'm going to inform the school about it so they don't look quite so silly.

Not much else has been happening. I've been working a lot this week - so far every night except Monday. I've covered one co-worker's shift for her and I'm covering someone else this afternoon. I don't mind, though. I enjoy my job.

Josh leaves on Sunday. That'll be hard. It's always hard going back into the grind after a long break. It'll be difficult only seeing him once or twice a month again. I'll fall back into the routine eventually.

Speaking of Josh, I'm about to go over to his house and have lunch with him. He wants to play a game called Four Score or something like that. I'll talk to you all later! Tschüss!

New Year's Update

Happy New Year! 2008 has arrived and I just got used to writing 2007. *shrugs*

A LOT has happened since I wrote last. My birthday was bittersweet. I had a great day and spent most of it with my best friend, who treated me to lunch and shopping. No, I didn't go out and get drunk, and no, I didn't have a keg party either. I'm not the typical 21 year old.

The bad part about my birthday was that my boyfriend's grandfather, Ron Gunter, died. He had a heart attack while he was playing tennis. He was only 71 years old. He and his wife live in Mineola, Texas, so Josh and I drove back and forth on Thanksgiving and the day after. His family stayed the whole time and needed Josh to take care of their dogs since boarding had been booked up for weeks. Thanksgiving was interesting. We still had dinner, most of which was donated by the neighbors, and we still had fun, but there was a cloud that hung over everyone. It's probably because we couldn't hear Papaw laughing or telling a joke. We had the funeral the next day. It was a disappointment in my opinion (and Josh's too). I think Papaw would have been disappointed. The preacher guy made fun of Papaw and turned the service into a sermon. It was awful. Seeing Papaw in the casket was an experience for me. I've seen people in caskets before, but Papaw looked as if at any second he'd just sit up and yell, "Gotcha!" It was his personality to do that. He loved pulling pranks. I only knew him for 3 1/2 years, but I still miss him. I saw him more than my own grandfather. It'll be tough celebrating birthdays and holidays without him, but we'll get used to it. I feel bad for Memaw.

Nothing much happened between then and Christmas. Christmas was awesome! I got nearly everything I wanted, and so did my brothers. The best part was that I got to spend a lot of time with my family and my future family. My family stayed at home and the Gunters went to Aunt Kim's the day after Christmas. We all had a blast, as we usually do when we go there.

I've been hanging out with Christina more often lately. I'm really glad that we can just pick up our friendship where it left off even though we hadn't seen each other in months. She's a great friend.

I suppose that's all. I have a TON of stuff I could whine about, but nobody likes to hear that stuff. I'm trying to stay more positive and not be bitter. It doesn't always work, but I keep trying anyway. You all have a great week!

LONG Time

Good heavens! It has been so long since I last wrote. That just shows you all how busy I am. Trigonometry is currently ruling my life. Only three weeks left and it's over!!!

Things are pretty rough with my friends and my mother, but otherwise I'm doing ok.

Today marks 3 1/2 years of dating with Joshua! Hooray for us.

I turn 21 in four days - I am so very excited about my birthday!

Emma's finally learning to go outside. We got some miniature cowbells and put them on the door so that she can ring them when she wants to go outside. It works like a charm!

If I pass trigonometry, in May I will graduate with an Associate's of Arts AND an Associate's of Science. I'm really excited about that little bit of information.

Next semester I'm taking a class with my most favorite teacher on the face of the planet! I am a hardcore Souderite, I've been with Professor (soon to be Dr.) Souder since she started teaching her first semester at NCTC. She's the best teacher in the world and I can't wait for class to begin!

I still don't know where I'm going to school next. I decided that I'll live at home until I go to university. I will save so much more money. I also decided that, come summer, I'll buy a "new-used" car so that my parents (and my boyfriend and I) won't have to worry about my car breaking down when I'm out of state. I know what car I want, but the one I want isn't much more fuel efficient than the car I have now. Plus the one I want, though used, isn't any cheaper than buying a brand new 2008 model. I won't pick it until school's over though, so I have time to think about it.

This news may not mean much to you, but it means a lot to me. Josh said that this summer we will talk about getting married, as in decide when we want to have the wedding, how things will work out with school if we do or don't get married before we go, etc. With my silly head, I want him to propose during Christmas break (not on Christmas - how cheesy!) or for our four year anniversary in May, so that we will be making firmer plans over the summer. I don't think I'd mind a long engagement, but I really do think that if we get married before we go to school, things will be easier. I can explain myself further in person if you'd like. I like coffee (hint, hint)!

I'm house-sitting for a week and I need to get to packing. I'll write again when I find a block of time to do so.

Fantastic News

Remember that fantastic news I mentioned in my 24 August post? Well, the time is right to tell you what it is.

My best friend is engaged! I was the accomplice, too. I took Lara to Kohl's after she got off work at 18:30 so that Chad could get her apartment all set up with candles, flowers, nice dishes, etc. I had said that I had homework to do and couldn't stay out that late, so she wouldn't be surprised at the short length of the visit. Chad sent me a text message saying that he was ready for me to bring her over and I told Lara that is was my Mom messaging me, that she was making a special dinner for all of us, so I had to get home. I dropped Lara off at her apartment. I got the call of her squealing before I even got home. I can't wait to hear what he said and how the night went. Lara and her fiancee are going to his parent's house tomorrow after she gets off work, so I probably won't get to talk to her until Sunday. Anyway, I'm practically squealing myself. I am so happy for them!

Emma is doing very well. She's starting to learn her name and she knows that if she goes to the bathroom outside she'll get a treat, but she hasn't made the connection to do that outside and only outside yet. It's a duh, but I think she'll get it down in a few weeks or so. I'm taking her to the vet on Monday to get her second set of puppy shots, paid for by the clinic. She is the most adorable puppy and does all sorts of cute puppy things. I really do like having a "family member of the canine persuasion" (Brent) and I am so glad that she's not chewing everything in sight yet.

My classes are going well. I wrote my first program in Python, with a ton of help from Josh, but I did it and I perfected it all on my own. It's a guessing game. It asks you to guess a number from between 1 and 100 and when you put your guess in it tells you to go either higher or lower. When you guess the right number, it says, "You win!" and then asks if you want to play again. If you type yes, it will start over. If you type no, the game closes. I can't wait to learn more of Python so that I can make more complicated programs. In the end, I want to make a Tic Tac Toe game using Python. From what I learned from making the guessing game, it will be a challenge, but I'm confident that I can do it, and do it well.

I haven't written anymore in Julia, though I have tons of ideas in my head. School has been keeping me busy. I'm curious about how my first Trig test went. I should get the results back Monday. If it's a grade worth posting, I'll put it up here.

I need to go grab something to eat. I'll talk to you all later. Smile! :D

Big News!

Hello, all. I have some big news for you! Our family is going to change a little bit.

This is the new addition to our family:

Her name is Emma, she is a Heeler mix, and she is 10 weeks old. She got spayed this morning and she'll be coming home tomorrow. In case you're wondering, vets recommend spaying/neutering your pet at 5-6 months Adoption dogs however, cannot be adopted until they are spayed/neutered, which is why she was spayed so early.

Emma was found with her eight siblings inside a cardboard box that had been taped shut and thrown into a dumpster. She and her litter-mates were four weeks old when found. When we looked at the puppies on Friday, there were five. One had been adopted already, but the other three weren't ready for adoption yet because they were having trouble gaining weight. They all survived, thank goodness. I don't know why someone would throw those adorable puppies in the dumpster. With the effort that it takes to tape them up inside a box and take the box to the dumpster, they could have just taken the pups to a local vet clinic or pound.

Anyhoo, now Emma has a good home and a good family to love and be loved by. I have been wanting a dog ever since the other two died. My Dad told me that he wanted me to do a project for him one day and said that he wanted me to go to the vet clinic next to our house and check out the Corgi mix puppies that they had an ad for. I went and when Mom came with me later that day, we ended up seeing the Heeler puppies instead. I fell in love with her instantly. She's the first one to come when you're walking somewhere or if you call or kiss at them. She's playful and friendly and shows no signs of aggression whatsoever, which is something that Mom was worried about. I can't wait to have her home!

I am also in the process of learning a programming language called Python. I am so excited about finally learning a programming language. I have a few programs in mind that I would like to try to create. We'll see how it goes. Josh is the one who turned me on to programming since he did it all throughout high school. He offered to teach me, but it's hard to do with him in Austin all the time and his own homework to deal with. The learning Python thing is actually a project for my computer science class. I talked with my lecture teacher about it for about an hour today. It was awesome! He showed me a little bit about it and gave me the program to learn it and also a Python interpreter so you can program and see what your program does. I'm really excited!

I hope you all are having as good of a time with life as I am. Have a great day!

Hello

Here's another happy post. I don't think I put my class schedule on here, so I will do it now.

MWF:
8:00 U.S. History to 1865
9:00 Computer Science
10:00 Physics Lab (M only)
11:00 Comp. Sci. Lab (MW only)
12:00 Physics (MW only)
13:00 Trigonometry

TR:
9:30 Weight Training

It's an interesting schedule; my first 15 hour schedule ever. I'm not worried about physics anymore - the teacher has never given a D or F in his class and he has made it so that we only have lecture on two days and lab on only one. Also, all of our homework is done in class. Plus, he cracks himself up with the jokes and witty remarks that he makes and it is hilarious! I think the class is going to have a lot of fun with Professor Sam.

I need to head to bed now. I have weight training in the morning and I didn't sleep well last night. Sorry the post is so short. :D SMILE!!!

Short Update

So sorry for the huge time lapse between updates. I, like a few friends of mine, have dropped off of the face of the earth. My sincerest apologies. I cannot make this a long update, as I would like, because I have to work in Plano tomorrow morning. Here's a list of things that have happened:

-I have tons of ideas for my book about my Grandmother. It's called Julia.
-I have been preparing for school to start
-I have been taking care of/repairing my car
-I have been enjoying the month that Josh has been home
-I am trying to keep my spirits high; this weekend is going to be a doozy, which can be summed up in three small phrases: Josh leaving, school starting, Baker clan coming to visit (I'll be sleeping at Lara's apartment)
-I have some fantastic news that I will share with you when the time is right
-I'm a bit stressed about school starting - first 15 hour semester, worried about the trigonometry and physics combination
-I'm really missing having a dog around the house
-I just got a haircut yesterday and my hair looks the best that it ever has in my life

That pretty much sums it up. I'll get back on here as soon as I can. Take care.




p.s.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I didn't recognize your picture, Honey B, and I really am interested in who you are.

Do I Need a Title?

*sigh*

You know how sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying? What do you do when you can't laugh anymore? All I've felt like doing today is crying. I haven't felt good for the past week or so either, so that doesn't help the situation. I haven't been sleeping well and I think that it's because I'm trying not to focus so hard. The only problem is, I think I'm concentrating too hard on not focusing my attention on a certain thing.

This is going to sound dreamy and immature. You're probably going to say that I'm too young to be thinking these thoughts, that I have my whole life to worry about this. I can't get it out of my head though. All I can think about is my wedding and how it won't happen for six years (minimum). All I can think about is being with Josh day and night and how wonderful it will be to take care of him and be with him.

Truly the only thing keeping us from getting the M-word is money. Both of us, when we get there, will be financially independent from our parents completely. The sucky part about that is he wants a PhD at one of the top 10 Computer Science schools. I want to go to a good university, a good language school. There are a couple up in New York; MIT is close to there, but Josh may not pick to go there. I don't want to be more than 5 hours (driving) away from him. I can't afford to fly that often.

My mind keeps developing "good ideas" that would be great aside from finances. Then I start thinking about how wonderful that would be and the time frame that I would have, etc. I thought of a fantastic one in the shower this morning. Then I killed it. I took a knife and I stabbed that idea. I watched it deflate. I watched it bleed. I felt it hurt. I started crying and decided that I would give it away. I prayed right then. I told Him that I want to be happy where I am. I don't want to be non-content not being the six letter F-word (you know, the french one). I want it so badly; I want it right now. Not the ring, the peace of mind that comes with knowing that the ball is rolling, so to speak. But I can't want it. Whenever I want something really bad, I obsess. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, because usually I think about it, plan it out, and go about getting it in a logical way. The only problem is that after I do that, I expect it to happen, fairly closely to the way I imagined it. I told Him the plan I came up with a few minutes ago. I told him what I had to do to get rid of it. The way I was praying reminded me of Grace from Bruce Almighty. Desperate, sincere prayer, spoken through hot tears and the mumbles that come from crying.

Now I can't seem to stop. I've prayed twice today for God to take this burden from me, for Him to pry it out of my little fingers. I question my sincerity almost. I only feel worse after this morning. And I still thought about it all day. I'm in a slump and I don't want to be in it. At the same time, I don't know how to get out of it.

I want so many things very badly. I want to get married, I want to go to Germany, I want to move out of my parent's house, I want to go to a great school that's close to Josh's. I'm guessing that I want change. A big change. Maybe I'm just asking the impossible. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I do know that I want to stop hurting and be content. With everything. It can't be too much to ask of the Lord because He's freaking HUGE. He can do whatever He wants. He's all-powerful.

How can I re-train my thinking?

Guatemala Update

Here's the blog I promised, Mom!

Hi everyone! I am writing this from Brandon and Jenny's beautiful home in Xela, Guatemala. So far this trip has been both exciting, tiring, and relaxing all at the same time. We are building bunk beds in two separate rooms, five bunks in each room. We have the bunks in one room completely built and the first coat of varnish was put on this morning. All of the beds in the other room are built, but the bunks haven't been assembled yet.

The scenery here is beautiful! For some reason, I had a tropical environment stuck in my head. The surroundings remind me of Haiti, only without the tropical plants all over the place. The roads are much better than they are in Haiti, but they are still bumpier than at home.

For the Fourth of July, Brandon bought some fireworks. He was told that the Koreans had the best ones, so he went hunting for them. He never did find the Koreans, so he bought the only fireworks he could find. They were Chinese made (it's become a joke amongst the team). Anyway, after dinner, we all went up onto the roof-roof (the house is three stories, but the top story is mostly patio) and wrapped up in blankets in our plastic chairs and watched.

While we waited for Brandon and Nathan to light the fireworks, we watched a lightning storm just past the mountains. The Scotts live in a valley, surrounded by mountains. It's really cool to see the landscape at night because
you can't see the mountains at all and the lights from the houses on top of the mountains can be seen. The lights appear to be floating in midair, almost like those "UFO sightings" that people claim to have photographed.

Anyway, the fireworks were lit and were the professional-style amateur kind. They were beautiful! After all 30 fireworks went off, some sideways, we went off the roof and sat on the patio, huddled around the chiminea, and drank hot Hibiscus tea. Bridget pointed out a few constellations for us and we told funny stories.

The sun comes up here at about 5:00a and sets at around 7:00p. It feels later than it is to us because we're not used to the sun setting until 9:00p.


I experienced my first earthquake today, and it was a long one. It lasted for about 30 seconds. It was only noticeable if you were standing still or sitting down. It was strong enough to make the water in the glasses shake, but it wasn't that bad. Jenny said that there had been much worse, but most of them are tiny tiny like this one was. It was an interesting experience.

I think the hot chocolate is ready, so I'm going to go now. I love you all and miss you all so much!